Who is BU- me or neighbour?

[SmashingBumpkins]

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

I was meant to add that I dry my hair downstairs in the morning.

Oh gosh tried not dried.

I think she's mentioned it nicely, so it would be good if you could try and accommodate what's she said whilst not completely changing your routine. A quieter hairdryer, drying your hair downstairs, doing it slightly later.

Of course noise is part of living in connected houses, but if if she's pretty reasonable most of the time and has got to the point of saying something, it would only be fair to take it into consideration.

YANBU, OP.

6 a.m. is a perfectly ordinary wake-up time, it's not far enough out of any norm to be a source of complaint. And using a hair dryer is a very ordinary part of the 21st century grooming routine. They can be loud but no louder than a vacuum cleaner or breast pump, and likely less loud. Absurd to suggest you drastically alter your bathing/styling schedule to avoid 5 or 6 minutes of noise from using a common household appliance.

Plus it's only a couple of days a week.

Expecting perfect silence until 7 or 8 a.m. in a dwelling with shared walls is simply not realistic. I'd ignore your neighbor's comments and frankly I think she had a lot of nerve to make them in the first place.

They can move furniture, use earplugs, buy a white noise machine, etc. to rectify the issue on their own.

Also my hair is curly - I was it it at night, let it dry off then stick it up in a hairstick over night. Means it keeps its shape and shine but without bean out of control the next morning.

It is just not sensible to say that, because some people get up at 6 for work, therefore it's fine for them to wake everyone else up. It's a normal waking time for some, but if you usually set your alarm for 7 or 7.30 then obviously it isn't. Some people have to do late shifts and therefore may not get to bed before 3 or later, some people may have medical conditions which mean they have trouble getting to sleep and then need to sleep through, some may be kept awake by babies etc. Of course no-one can live their lives on the assumption that their neighbour needs to sleep late, but the generally accepted range starts at around 7 a.m. It seems to me a perfectly reasonable request and your neighbour isn't being arsey about it, it makes sense to try to accommodate it. Other issues apart, if you start a war it won't benefit any of you.

Wash and dry your hair in your own home at what ever time suits you!!!!

She asked nicely, it would be nice I think to see if there is anything that you can do.

But if you can't, well that's that really, isn't it?

6am is still night time to me!

I'm rarely up before 7.30

Yeah, I wouldn't pay £94 for a hairdryer tbh! Buy earplugs for your neighbour, they're about ££!

£3...

Wow a hairdryer?! I used to live next door to idiots who would blast out music until 5am everyday! Now that is something to complain about! I would invest in a quieter hairdryer, there are ones about but I wouldn't stop my routine. I'd also put furniture up against the walls to help drown out noise.

YANBU. It's unfortunate that she can hear it but it cuts both ways - I'm sure there are times that she's making noise when you want quiet.

A hairdryer doesn't make an unacceptable amount of noise. If she's very sensitive to everyday sounds coming from an adjoining house, then I would think that earplugs, soundproofing or moving to a detached property are all options she should probably explore.

There are norms. No, not everyone gets up at 6, but you will find that a vast majority of people arise between 6 and 8. That the OP is hair-drying on the early end of this is not inconsiderate or something that needs to be fixed.

People whose routine is out of kilter with the majority have to organize their own accommodation, not expect the rest of the world to accommodate them. If she were playing bongo drums at 3 a.m. she would be unreasonable. Using a hair dryer two mornings a week in her own home is not unreasonable.

I think we are about 50 years past considering handheld blowdryers as self-indulgent, frivolous folderol, however. Most people wash their hair often these days and working people don't have the luxury of sitting around waiting for it to air dry like the housewives of yore used to. (And I wonder how the responses would skew here if the OP were using a breast pump vs. a grooming aid...)

Here's an interesting Wake-Up Time Report that says the most common is 6 a.m. (I believe it's based on US responses but I imagine UK and other western countries are similar.)

snoozester.com/The-Wake-Up-Time-Report.snooze

Neither of you are BU, but living in flats is noisier and more annoying than living in a house, and living in a terrace is noisier and more annoying than living in a semi, and living in a semi..... Etc.

You each have to tolerate annoyances from the other. This is a good thing. The more tolerant our society is, the better, and it's been horribly selfish for about 30 years.

She could try earplugs, as you do actually need to use the hairdryer. It's not as bad as having death metal blasting through the walls until 3am. It sounds like she's aware of that. Next time you see her, just apologise, you know it's noisy and you try to keep usage down to no more than twice a week at that time, but needs must etc.

I wash, dry and straighten my hair every day. If I don't wash it's greasy, if I don't dry/straighten it's a mess! So I know where you're coming from, those saying can't you just wash it the night before don't know what it's like to have shit hair.

Prob would have been best to have explained there and then about how you only dry 2 days out of 7, and that there's not really another option on those days i.e. No other unoccupied rooms, you're drying on the other side etc. then she can see that you're not an unreasonable person and that really the best solution is for her to try ear plugs on those nights.

Like you, I wouldn't buy another dryer when you have a perfectly good one. 10mins isn't long at all. It's white noise.

I don't think you are BU - interesting that there is a real mix of views on here. I live in a flat and my downstairs neighbour snores loudly if he's been out drinking the night before. I used to move all my bedding to the living room and sleep there, which wasn't too comfortable - now I have BA approved earplugs which are brilliant and block everything out. I don't really think that 6am is an unreasonable time to get up, but appreciate that for some people - e.g. retired - it is. However, in a flat or a terraced/semi, you have to accept that a certain amount of noise transference is inevitable.

Chuck the dog in the garden and do your hair in the kitchen while the kettle is on. Multitasking win; dog gets a crap, you get a cuppa and hair that appeases your vanity, and your neighbour doesn't get woken up. Sorted!

MetalMidget yes unacceptable noise, but daily living noise is acceptable.

xena are you actually serious?
The op has CURLY hair. Not a hairstyle, a hairtype.
The op doesn't sound lazy and entitled.

I am woken up by my ndn tv and hoovering at random times.
I wouldn't go round and ask her not too, it's not unacceptable noise!
I don't get up at 6 or 7am either. At that time i'll have only had around 2 or 3 hours sleep. Lack of sleep makes my health worse, but she's not doing something wrong.

I can't speak for anyone else but I try very hard not to disturb my neighbour because I think it's courteous and I wouldn't like it if I was woken by his noise

To this end I don't dress the kids in my room or let bang about, shout etc in the morning - we get up at 6:30 - I expect them to be considerate

I would, therefore, dry my hair elsewhere - my neighbour works late and starts late - 10-10 so waking him at 6am (when I get up) would be mean

Living next door to someone means there is going to be noise transfer - it's inevitable, unless you have sound-proofing. However consideration is key, although sadly that seems to be in decline these days!

I don't think it's unreasonable for OP to dry her hair in her bedroom. I also don't think that 6am during the week is too early - lots of commuters are up and leaving at that point. However I appreciate for some people 6am is early, so for the sake of neighbourly relations, I would show willing and make an effort to do something to change the routine to reduce/eliminate the noise.

OP I think YABU not to use the kitchen. Your hair is clean and presumably you aren't planning to blow dry it right over the hob, or the open cutlery drawer, or straight into the fridge?! I don't see any reason why you can't use a quiet corner of your kitchen and sort your hair out. Alternatively switch your routine so that your H takes the dog out a we bit earlier so that you can dry your hair somewhere else without the dog causing a problem. Look at it this way, if you oblige her on this then if there's noise in return you can nicely ask her to do something about it.

I am an early riser - am up at 5:30 to go to work as I have a long commute. Noise does bother me, usually because people are coming in late and slamming their doors at 11pm or later - or they are out in their gardens talking. I go to bed early because I have to get up early but I appreciate that not everybody does, so I have to cut them some slack because it's about give and take.

YANBU

I have to wash and dry my hair every morning including at 6am when I'm on an early shift. Seriously it's your house and not like you are hammering nails!

I think this is the kind of normal household noise that prople just have to out up with.

We live in a flat which us the top half of a Victorian house. I wake up every morning at 6.30 (my alarm goes off at 7.30) when one of the neighbours downstairs goes out to work and has to open and shut the shared front door. I wouldn't dream of mentioning it to them as they have to go out at that time and they're not slamming it, the vibration just wakes me up.

Prob would have been best to have explained there and then about how you only dry 2 days out of 7, and that there's not really another option on those days

But we've established that there is, namely a minor adjustment so OP dries her hair in the sitting room whilst her DH takes the dog out.

Have you thought about using wet to straight hair straighteners those days if you straighten your hair anyway?

I have curly hair and spent so many wasted hours drying and then straightening it until I bought the wet to straight ones (I sound like I'm on commission)

Otherwise I don't think YABU it's only a couple of days a week and 6am isn't that early really.

I have not RTFT but i would have to say that i would not change my hair drying routine for anybody. Why on earth would you? That is just so ridiculous. You can do exactly as you please in your home. Hair drying is a perfectly normal thing to do.