Who is BU- me or neighbour?

[SmashingBumpkins]

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

YANBU to dry your hair at 6am in your bedroom (if there genuinely is no other room you can do it in). Personally I would use the living room and put the dog elsewhere for the duration, but you obviously have reasons not to do that.

I do think YABU not to try a little bit harder to be accommodating. In particular, I think your hairdryer is obviously very loud and powerful if it disturbs your dog and can be heard through walls. I think that you should buy a hairdryer marketed as quiet (eg www.philips.co.uk/c-p/HP8190_07/hairdryer/overview).

Living in a terraced house or flat means putting up with some noise but it also means being particularly aware of the noise you are creating that might disturb your neighbours. Buying a quiet hairdryer seems to me to be a reasonable compromise and I'm sure even the effort you make in doing that would be appreciated by your neighbour.

I wouldn't dry my hair in the kitchen. It doesn't have a mirror for one, nor do I keep hair products, combs/brushes/bands in there. Nor do I have a 'place' to keep a hairdryer.

I mean, really:

Get out of the shower, sit on bed, dry and style hair using all implements in reach, get dressed, go downstairs.

Get out of shower, go into bedroom, collect hairdryer, mousse, hairspray, large brush, small brush, go downstairs into kitchen, do hair, collect all stuff back up, go back upstairs, put stuff away, get dressed, go back downstairs.

Bollocks to that.

www.philips.co.uk/c-p/HP8190_07/hairdryer/overview

Sorry - link didn't work!

As has been pointed out upthread, the Law expects you to curtail noise in your home bw 11pm and 7am if it is disturbing your neighbours.

why would you uproot your hair dryer and straighteners to the kitchen

FFS she'd be moving them to a different room not taking them to Outer Mongolia. Get a grip.

Has anyone suggested soundproofing yet? If the ways are crazy thin then you could (if you own your house) go for cavity wall insulation to help deaden sound. You could also put bookshelves up - it's amazing how they dampen sound. Or hanging cloth also works.

These are all kind of big solutions but once done will cover more noise than just the dryer.

I think YABU. Councils class quiet hours as being between 11pm and 7am. Your hairdryer is causing a nuisance to your neighbour as it is loud enough to wake her up. Not all families have to get up at 6am, especially shift workers etc.

You've been given lots of very reasonable solutions that would mean you could dry your hair without waking your neighbours, but these would require either expense or effort on your part.

I'm guessing you go to bed at a reasonably early hour if you get up so early? Would it be acceptable for your neighbours to crack out their power drill at midnight twice a week? After all, that is only an hour into the quiet hours too...

This is clearly enough of an issue for your neighbour to speak to you about it so I think you really do need to do something to try and find a solution.

This would annoy me. 6am is too early to create a noise that wakes the neighbours.

As someone mentioned before, is drying your hair in the bathroom an option if you use an extension lead?

Sorry, I can't actually believe that people are agreeing with this woman who is complaining about a bloody hairdryer!!!

God forbid that you might have a newborn who will wake in the night...

Most bizarre thing ever...

I live in a terraced house with thin walls so I agree that some noise is normal. But if they can hear your hairdryer either they have supersensitive hearing (and I guess they don't if they are quite relaxed about other ordinary household noises which it sounds as though they are) or your hairdryer is just too loud. I can't quite imagine how loud it must be - mine wouldn't wake people in the same house let alone next door. There must be a quieter option. Or is there a cordless option that you could use in the bathroom?

I think Narnia has it spot on. There are things you could do to help. If these are not palatable to you then you are saying that you don't want to do anything to rectify this. Even though it would undoubtedly be good for neighbourly relations. That's fine but then you'll know that's the sort of neighbour you are.

I agree that drying your hair in your own bedroom is a very normal thing to do - but there may be ways that you can carry on your normal life without waking up the neighbour.

And all the people who say 6am is normal - no it's not. You sound like my crappy neighbours who - when I ask them not to stand on the street shouting at midnight as they welcome yet more party guests, tell me that this is a normal time to be up. Normal for them. Not normal for me.

I'm rarely up at 6. OTOH I'm never in bed after 7.30am even on a weekend. Does that mean I can wake my neighbour up at 7.30 on a Sunday because it's normal for me? No.

A baby can't help waking up and crying at all hours. The OP is able to do lots of things to minimise the noise impact she is having her neighbours but so far has chosen not to.

Anyone else wishing they could get disturbed by a faint hairdryer sound at 6am rather than a toddler screaming who you have to launch out of bed for at 3am?! I personally wouldn't mind anything that can be classed as white noise. Faint tv, vacuum, etc fine. Shrill noises like drills, alarms, barks, phones, screaming DS not so fine!

Of course 6 am is a perfectly normal time to get up. Plenty of people have to be at work at 6/7/8 am or even earlier if on shifts and need to get ready and travel to get there.

What time do you think the bus and train drivers who do the early shifts get up?

Wow, so many responses! I'm not saying I'm unwilling to do some things to compromise for the NDN but there are somethings that I can't/won't do like wake up my DCs or let the dog loose. I'm having a look at quiet hairdryers but not got too much time to research extensively as meant to be working!

I'd be nervous about the extension cable because it'd have to trail from our bedroom across the top of the stairs as there's no socket on the landing. I'd be nervous about DC getting out of bed and tripping over it hurtling down the stairs.

Oddity I'm with you there. I'd far rather my upstairs neighbour took to drying his hair than buggers off out at 5am leaving his big dog howling and barking, waking me and DD up. Give me a bit of white noise coming through to my bedroom any day.

It's a hair dryer, not a machine gun. Some people need to get a grip.

Well, you clearly are not interested in meeting your neighbours half way at all and it was not genuine aibu, given that you don't want to hear the answer 'yes' and refuse to consider suggestions for the tritest of reasons (what's gross about blow drying clean hair in the kitchen?!). Personally, I'd feel a lot more uncomfortable about cutting into my neighbours sleep and being on poor terms with them (and let's hope you don't need a favour and there is no behaviors that they are currently overlooking because that's likely to come to a speedy end).

Wash it and dry it with the hair dryer the night before.

Not interested in meeting the neighbours half way?! OP is currently researching quieter hair dryers! That is half way.

Wash it and dry it with the hair dryer the night before
Not possible with curly hair.
I absolutely, always have to wet it in the morning.
It's like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards when I wake up.
No way could I leave the house like that. I dread to think what I'd be mistaken for.

My NDN goes to bed very late (midnight can hear TV through wall) and gets up very early (5am lets cat out of back door every day which our bedroom overlooks) but I've never mentioned it to them because that's their life and it suits them! They could turn the TV down but they're old so probably wouldn't be able to hear it or enjoy it. They could get a cat flap and let the cat come and go as it pleases but they presumably don't want to. And why should they when it's just normal 'going about their business' rather than deliberately trying to be annoying.

I wouldn't be miffed about being woken at 6am. I'd be fucking raging.

When we lived in a semi, the only noise that we really noticed was the woman's hairdryer next door, normally around 8.30am which is fine. It is a noise that really travels, not suprising since the socket is on the wall that you share. The man apologised to us for the noise and hoped it didn't disturb us too much. He said it sounded to him like a 747 taking off.

OP, if you do nothing about this your relationship with the neighbours will deteriorate. Even decent, considerate folks might respond with a spot of late evening DIY for a while (because, hey, you don't mind noise, right?).

Up to you if you think it is worth it.

For some people 5am is a normal get up time, as is 12.30am to go to bed - doesn't mean it's acceptable to create a noise that keeps others awake at those times.

OP - why is it ok to wake your neighbour at 6am but not your kids? How would you feel if they did something to wake you on a regular basis well before your own alarm went off?

Incredibly selfish attitude.

Our council is struggling to balance the books in the wake of huge spending cuts. It would not be interested in someone using their own hairdryer in their own home for 10 minutes 3 times a week at 6am. Get a grip!

Sorry but if she doesn't like the noise tell her to buy a detached house.

What a ridiculous thing to say. The fact that someone can't afford to pop out and buy a detached house doesn't mean that they have to put up with whatever noise their neighbours choose to make.

DH takes the dog on her run whilst I have breakfast, prepare everyone's lunch, check emails etc. He gets back about 6:20am

Surely that's your answer? Dry your hair whilst he's taking the dog out. You can prepare lunch whilst the dog is around (or the night before), and for sure checking your emails can be fitted round everything else.