Sick of new bloke expecting me to clear up afer him

[Nikye]

Not been together long, about 6 months. Anyway he tends to stay at my house on a weekend and sometimes a couple of nights during the week. When he first started staying over he used to leave his cups and plates on the living room floor, clothes on the toilet after he'd had a shower etc and even crisp packets etc on the sofa. Ive told him over and over again not to do this as I don't like having to clear up after other people. He stops it for a while and then starts it up again. Last weekend he went for a shower and left all his clothes on the toilet again (so obviously the next person to use the toilet has to sort his clothes out first). I was tired and not in the mood so I just swiped them all onto the (wet) floor, used the toilet and left them there. Didn't mention it. When he went in he went mad saying I'd left his clothes on a wet floor!!!! We had yet another conversation about it saying I was sick of picking up his stuff and he still maintained that I was out of order but promised he'd stop doing it. That very same night I found used bog roll (that he'd been blowing his nose with) on the beside table. I told him to move it which he did (whilst calling me master ) and the next day I found crisp packets stuffed down the side of the sofa so I crammed them all into his coat pocket. Anyway he's buggered off home now and hasn't really been in touch much apart from to say he feels like I was getting at him all weekend and hopes it wouldn't always be like that.

Be honest did I go too far??? How else can I get him to understand?

[SaucyJack]

Bin him.

I'm a complete slob, and I'm quite happy to throw my own shit about in my own flat. How he treats his own flat is also his concern.

It's the fact that not only does he not respect you or your house enough to keep it tidy, but he has the nerve to get a tit on at you when you call him on it instead of meekly cleaning up after him.

He's a shitbag. You are not that desperate. Get rid.

[plimsolls]

The slobbishness in your home is bad enough but his attitude/making out it is your problem is worse. I hope you are able to stand up for yourself and point out you are not in the wrong. As PP have said, he has shown you what he is like. Believe him and, importantly, show him what YOU are like.

[Heavens2Betsy]

Grapejuice - even my 13 year old isn't that bad!! I have 2 teenage boys and they can pick up their litter and get their clothes into the washing bin!
He clearly has no respect for you or your home and like PPs have said he won't change.
Tell him to sod off and find another mug to clear up after him.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Yup, it's only going to get worse. Untidiness isn't great, but the issue is his attitude towards it/you.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I was getting at him all weekend and hopes it wouldn't always be like that
Your response to this is; nope it won't be like it ever again you disrespectful slob. Now fuck off.

[Flowerpower41]

This guy is very clearly a slob and needs to be told to get lost and find a fellow slob they can live happy as pigs in the proverbial then!!

[wotoodoo]

As he is in a comparatively new relationship op, you can be SURE he is on his best behaviour!

His real behaviour will be leaving toilet wiped used tissue stuffed behind the sofa, dirty clothes wherever he takes them off, toilet lid up, unwashed pans and crockery, used beer cans etc in the bed/living room and god knows what else.

He has an indulgent mummy who worships him and insists she does everything for him and the pair of them will expect you to do the same without nagging about it.

What a catch eh op? What a turn off! How can you sleep with a mantoddler?!

[KatharinaRosalie]

What everybody else said. The lazyness is grim, but the attitude is worse - how dare you to remind him to pick up after himself! I bet he expected you to pick up his clothes, wash, iron and fold them.

If he's like that in the honeymoon period, try to imagine him in a couple of years!

[CocktailQueen]

Time to leave him! Deeply unattractive. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period!!

[MistressDeeCee]

ewwww what a slob. inc blowing his nose in tissue then leaving it for you to deal with? yuk. What attracts you to this man? Nastiness is not an attribute in your place he wouldn't be setting foot through my front door again, thats for sure. I know children who are far lest messy and slobbish than that, if he hasn't learned by now he never will and doesn't want to. Don't wait till he shits on the floor and thinks its OK because he missed the toilet bowl do yourself a favour and get rid. Is he even clean?!! A man like that would make me heave

[Justaboy]

Nikye Its obvious that you have shortcomings here seems you cannot do My Mummy, my Girlfriend, & My Skivvy all at once!

[wotoodoo]

OMG men like that who think the whole house is their personal bin would have no issues with flicking their bogeys in the bed or beside it, leaving their toenail clippings in the sink or in the carpet, bowing their nose on the curtains or your dressing gown and would defecate into a laundry basket if drunk.

You have been warned.

[MamaLazarou]

LTB! Shame on his parents for raising such a slob.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

You absolutely did NOT go too far. All you did was ensure he copped the consequences of his behaviour, not you. That he gets pissy about that tells you all you need to know about him.

"Ive told him over and over again not to do this as I don't like having to clear up after other people. He stops it for a while and then starts it up again."
Totally lacks respect for you and your comfort.

"Anyway he's buggered off home now and hasn't really been in touch much apart from to say he feels like I was getting at him all weekend and hopes it wouldn't always be like that."
Well it wouldn't always be like that if he grew the fuck up! Which he won't. He'd much rather treat you like a skivvy than do that. Seriously, treat him like that snotty tissue and flush bin him. There is zero chance that he will ever change.

Find someone new. If they act like that, don't put up with it for six months, bin on the second offence. Life's too short to waste it on an entitled misogynist manchild.

[skyeskyeskye]

I have to agree with everyone else! This is who he is and he will not change. So you either resign yourself to a life of picking up after him and feeling annoyed all the time, or you end it. You are not compatible with each other.

[Keeptrudging]

What a slob. The next stage for him (once you move in together) would be for him to not be arsed washing/brushing his teeth regularly, and sitting around in stained grey tracksuit bottoms. Bin. Now. Find a nice, clean, respectful partner.

[RitaVinTease]

Red flag here.
He feels got at. Really? He's testing you. This is a compliance test. I suggest you fail it in a spectacular manner.

[Shirkingfromhome]

He should still be making an effort at 6 months. You don't live together, he's a guest in your house and should respect your property. Unless he has some spectacularly redeeming qualities that offset his slovenly ways, I'd move on.
You'll only get sick of the sound of your own voice and he'll maintain that you nag him relentlessly.

[Sanchar]

I saw something from another poster on a different thread that I think was quite eye opening.

Every time he does it imagine him saying "fuck you, nikye, you clean it up"

Get rid. It'll drive you to the point of justifiable homicide.

[timelytess]

You're leaving. Bye. Don't come back.
That's what you say to him.

[RhombusRiley]

Ugh get rid now! I'm really disgusted that he left his clothes on the toilet, you pushed them off and he had a go at you for leaving his clothes on the floor. OMG. If he's forgetful and messy the only correct response to what you did should be "Fair enough, my fault for leaving them lying around, sorry."

Crisp packets stuffed down sofa? Plates left on the floor? Even my head-in-the-clouds 10yo DS and stubborn 5yo DD would not do these things.

[DeoGratias]

Not good. Could you just stay over at his place and never yours in that case and leave him your mess to clear up?

[BiddyPop]

Oh no you didn't go too far!!

He is showing a massive level of disrespect in leaving things thrown everywhere AND by expecting you to clear up after him as well.

Listen to what he is saying now, while he is still in the early stages of wooing you. Think of what he is likely to be like in another year, 5 years, 15 years, 40 years down the line.....the some only a heck of a lot worse. And how worn down will you be by that?

This is YOUR place, and everyone who is invited in should treat it with the same respect and level of care that you do. Otherwise, they just don't get invited back.

And DEFINITELY don't go getting a shared place together. wanders off with visions of Hyacinth Bucket's sister's husband and their massive mess house and hopes OP doesn't descend to that

[Dellarobia]

Crisp packets shoved down the sofa! What a slob

[wotoodoo]

Has he got a place of his own? //boak

Or does he still live with his mum?

What's so utterly awful is that he is behaving normally, politely and respectfully (in his eyes)and believes the op is not