Sick of new bloke expecting me to clear up afer him

[Nikye]

Not been together long, about 6 months. Anyway he tends to stay at my house on a weekend and sometimes a couple of nights during the week. When he first started staying over he used to leave his cups and plates on the living room floor, clothes on the toilet after he'd had a shower etc and even crisp packets etc on the sofa. Ive told him over and over again not to do this as I don't like having to clear up after other people. He stops it for a while and then starts it up again. Last weekend he went for a shower and left all his clothes on the toilet again (so obviously the next person to use the toilet has to sort his clothes out first). I was tired and not in the mood so I just swiped them all onto the (wet) floor, used the toilet and left them there. Didn't mention it. When he went in he went mad saying I'd left his clothes on a wet floor!!!! We had yet another conversation about it saying I was sick of picking up his stuff and he still maintained that I was out of order but promised he'd stop doing it. That very same night I found used bog roll (that he'd been blowing his nose with) on the beside table. I told him to move it which he did (whilst calling me master ) and the next day I found crisp packets stuffed down the side of the sofa so I crammed them all into his coat pocket. Anyway he's buggered off home now and hasn't really been in touch much apart from to say he feels like I was getting at him all weekend and hopes it wouldn't always be like that.

Be honest did I go too far??? How else can I get him to understand?

[AugustaFinkNottle]

What is it today with new posters coming on and posting about manchildren?

[SevenOfNineTrue]

He is not going to change his ways as he has clearly demonstrated. I couldn't keep dating such an immature slob.

[Writerwannabe83]

Bin him as things will never change.

He is who he is and lazy/messy people will always be like that no matter how many conversations you have about it.

[228agreenend]

I know I'm slovenly by mn's standards, but what he is doing is downright slob-fullness ( images of Wayne and Waynetta spring to mind). you simply don't leave plates on the floor and dirty tissues around, or crisp packets in the sofa.

Most new partners try to impress their new gf/bf. As others have said, if he's like this now in the 'trying to make an impression' phase, then what he's going to be like several months/years down the line. Definitely not long term life partner material.

[Inshock73]

Man child!

I doubt he will change, he's obviously used to people i.e. his mum, past girlfriends etc picking up after him.

This would drive me nuts! He's an adult and as capable of clearing up after himself as you are. It's also very lazy to just drop your clothes and leave them or shove crisp packets down the sofa! It will wind you up more and more overtime.

[NotMeNotYouNotAnyone]

I'm a pretty messy person. But I wouldn't act like that in someone else's home. Possibly in my own home if no one else was there...

My DP comes over and helps with dishes, making bed etc basically an adult cleaning up after themselves.

[ouryve]

This will never get better.

Get rid. He's a slob who has no respect for you.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"What is it today with new posters coming on and posting about manchildren?"
I've always worked on the assumption that there's lots of lurkers on Mumsnet (because it's fun here ), but all lots of us have stuff going on in our lives that could be better; it has to be something bad to drive you to finally post it, and that reading someone else's vent that's so similar to your own issues can be the final push - so you make your first post before you chicken out and go back to quietly seething. Hey presto, lots of threads on similar issues.

[MadameDePompom]

If he's a great shag shag him once more and then give him the shove.

[mellowfartfulness]

I'm horrendously messy in my own home and I do things like absent-mindedly leave crisp packets lying around. But not in someone else's house! If I create extra work for myself later on when I could've just put it in the bin straight away, that's my problem. If I do it round someone else's place, especially someone who I know likes it tidier than I do, then I'm making extra work for them and that's just fucking rude.

[Lynnm63]

Well he sounds like my kids. They leave plates and clothes lying around however I shout at them have a grown up conversation about respect for their mum. Even in their eyes where mum is a pita they would never backchat about being made to clear up after themselves.

The difference is I love my kids to bits and know that worse case scenario they'll be off to uni in a few years and then I'll miss the lack of plates etc but this is how he will be for the rest of your relationship and it'll only get worse.

Bin him now.

[Wristy]

Aw hell no. My 4 year old can get an empty crisp packet to the bin, shit my 18 month old could probably manage that!

Tell him to do one, seriously. 6 months is no time at all. At this stage he should still be pulling out all the stops to make himself look good. Can you see yourself doing this for years, decades even?

[CrazyMary]

I was going to say 'start as you mean to go on' and just politely ask him to pick up after himself but having read your op, I now think, it is best to send him on a one way journey to the faraway land of dump-ville. He is behaving like an untrained teenage boy. I would go beserk if anyone behaved like that in my home (I have young children and they even know how to tidy up their mess). I bet he is a litter bug in public too

[Werksallhourz]

I found crisp packets stuffed down the side of the sofa

If you mean he actually stuffed the packets in-between the cushion and the arm, then ... woah.

That is just not the behaviour of a normal adult. I can understand leaving stuff lying around absentmindedly, but stuffing rubbish into your furniture is indicative of something else entirely.

This guy does not respect you. In fact, I would regard stuffing rubbish into your furniture as an act of petty malice.

If I were you, I'd get out of this relationship fast.

[JapaneseSlipper]

"he ... hopes it wouldn't always be like that."

Trying to think of some witty riposte to this, but can't because all I can hear is the words "CONDESCENDING PRICK" in my head.

[flatbellyfella]

Your house, your rules, if he can't stick to them it's time to let him go.

[LovelyFriend]

He's a manchild slob who is already resenting you for expecting him to clear up after himself, take care of his own clothes and put his snotty tissues in the bin.

as for "he hopes it won't always be like this" - in his mind this is all about YOU OP and nothing to do his behavior at all. He cannot grasp the basic reality of what is so fucking annoying being with someone who expects others to pick up after them.

OP tonight why not open a nice bottle of wine, and spend the evening reading threads on here of women who have gone on for whatever reason to have children with a manchild or with men who think cleaning up after them is "womens work", and the nightmare of endless frustration and disappointment that their lives become.

He is showing you who he is. Believe him.

[CrazyMary]

I wouldn't risk going round to his place, if he behaves like this at your house. His house is probably over run with things scuttling around amongst the debris. I'd be worried about what he hasn't shown of himself, if this is him trying to impress you.
I am totally at some posters suggesting that, they are in relationships with people like op's bf. Why would you stay with someone like that, even if you don't live together?

[Aeroflotgirl]

Tell him never to come back.

[ExplodingCarrots]

God op he sounds a right lazy slob. My 2 year old puts her rubbish in the bin. This weekend is an insight to what living with him would be like. Please don't do it!

[Jibberjabberjooo]

he feels like I was getting at him all weekend and hopes it wouldn't always be like that

In other words, shut up.

You reply should be, 'it won't be like that again, ever. I want a boyfriend, not a manchild who expects me to pick up after him'. Or words to that effect.

[Mamadothehump]

Does he want a partner or a 2nd Mother?? He sounds like he is more hassle than he's worth to be honest!!

[NewChristian]

I would end it - he won't change. Crisp packets down the sofa?! The last time I did that I was about 5 and got a telling off for it then...

[Theladyloriana]

Speaking from experience, I have just spent 9 years picking up after someone. In hours that is a rough minimum of 3500 in that time. I can think of a lot better things I could have been doing!!