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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable

63 replies

DisappointedOne · 28/02/2016 17:26

to book your wedding for your sibling's anniversary? BIL has and DH isn't happy. The date has no significance for them, it's just a bank holiday.

OP posts:
acasualobserver · 28/02/2016 17:27

The date has no significance for them

This is your answer.

CaptainCrunch · 28/02/2016 17:28

I wouldn't even remember my siblings anniversaries, I can barely remember my own. What a totally ridiculous thing to get annoyed about.

lborolass · 28/02/2016 17:29

Why is he not happy, I don't see the probelm

pengy83 · 28/02/2016 17:30

As above. I imagine it didn't even cross their mind. Anniversary dates are only important to those who got married. No one else can ever remember them. I have no idea when my brother's wedding was. I know the month, could take a guess at the year but no idea on the day.

gBean · 28/02/2016 17:30

We got married on SIL and BIL's anniversary. They were happy. Our niece got married on the same date. It was lovely to attend a happy wedding on our anniversary, made it more special.

treaclesoda · 28/02/2016 17:30

I know what month my siblings got married but I have no idea of the actual date and they wouldn't know the date of mine. So on that basis I think it is perfectly reasonable to book a wedding for someone else's anniversary.

PurpleDaisies · 28/02/2016 17:30

It's totally fine. A very close family member got married on my birthday. I did suggest putting candles on the wedding cake but she declined. Smile

LotsOfShoes · 28/02/2016 17:31

Yabu. Who remembers others' anniversaries? Plus, if it's a bank holiday, i can see why they'd choose it.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 28/02/2016 17:32

There is some history (BIL has backed out of a weekend to celebrate DH's birthday for someone else's wedding and wants a second weekend organised to accommodate him. Guess DH was feeling his brother doesn't really care about him, and he's taken this news the same way.)

OP posts:
Osolea · 28/02/2016 17:33

I woudont do it unless there was a particular reason to, but having a wedding on a bank holiday can be quite convenient for guests.

How close are your DH and his brother? Just wondering if this could just be some old childhood sibling rivalry coming out, and your DH will get over it as soon as he realises he's being silly.

PurpleDaisies · 28/02/2016 17:35

To be honest, it sounds like he's looking for a reason to be annoyed at your bil after the birthday thing. No one cares about anyone else's anniversary.

redgoat · 28/02/2016 17:37

One of my best friends got married on mine and DH's 12th anniversary. I was delighted to share it with them.

Gottagetmoving · 28/02/2016 17:38

Your DH doesn't 'own' that date. What difference does it make?

It's a silly thing to get annoyed about. Your DH sounds immature.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 28/02/2016 17:38

Its your anniversary, only you two give a shit about it.

MakeItRain · 28/02/2016 17:43

Surely your dh didn't expect his brother to miss a wedding because it's his birthday? Or did I misunderstand your update?

OliviaBenson · 28/02/2016 17:44

I remember your previous thread op. I don't think this particular matter is unreasonable, however there does seem to be a pattern of behaviour with his brother and so I can see why your DH would question it. It's like he's trying to make everything all about him. For that reason yanbu.

I hope that you haven't changed the birthday celebrations to accommodate him- his choice to miss it!

Dumdiddlydum · 28/02/2016 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seven201 · 28/02/2016 17:46

I wouldn't care at all. My in-laws are the only people who remember our anniversary and I find it odd that they send an anniversary card. I don't know anyone else's anniversary other that my own and that's not even a big event to us. getting married on a bank holiday is nice as people can make a long weekend of it so maybe that's why they picked then. Also, I would be offended if my sister couldn't attend a birthday thing - it's only a birthday!

Dumdiddlydum · 28/02/2016 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katenka · 28/02/2016 17:47

The date is significant though because it's a bank holiday.

Quite honestly your dh is being really unreasonable.

grannytomine · 28/02/2016 17:51

There's 3 ways to look at it:

  1. It's a special date for the family as its your anniversary and you can all enjoy the celebration
  2. They didn't remember it was your anniversary but was a good date (bank holidays can be great for weddings as people have time to recover if nothing else)
3, It's your date and they have stolen it

Which one sounds a bit silly and rather childish? Up to your husband which way he chooses to look at it but I wouldn't go telling people or he will look ridiculous.

MrsBungle · 28/02/2016 17:51

I really wouldn't have a clue as to my brothers anniversary. I also would not miss a wedding for my brothers birthday. I do love my bro though!

dodobookends · 28/02/2016 17:52

Relative of DH's got married on our anniversary. We were mentioned in the Groom's speech, and he asked DH and me to stand up and take a bow. Everyone at the reception gave us a big round of applause, it was lovely.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/02/2016 17:56

I remember your previous thread, and thought your BIL was an arse.

But TBH, wedding anniversaries really only matter to the happy couple. BIL is probably unaware that he has picked your anniversary, even if he was at your wedding he'll be oblivious. Still, he'll know when it is now!

I can see why your DH has taken it the way he has though.

Is BIL still going to the piss-up wedding that was arranged months after the "brothers' bash" was organised?

Witchend · 28/02/2016 17:59

My db did and I was completely unbothered. I don't think he realised before I commented.