...Or are our friends?

[flyfree1394]

Have three DDs aged 14, 12 and 9.

Very good friends announced their engagement a few months ago and invited the DDs to be flower girls - all three delighted.

Have now received formal invitation.

It says on it that no child under 10 can attend. DD3 is 9, will still be 9 at the time of the wedding.

Contacted friends to check that DD3 was still a flower girl.

Basically they want her there for the ceremony, pictures etc, but she won't be allowed to come to the reception/party afterwards. In short DD3 is expected to sit through a long ceremony, pose for pictures, look like a little angel, etc, then watch her sisters go to a fun party that she can't attend. We are expected to sort out childcare in a place that is miles from our home.

AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous?

I don't think I would go now even if they backed down - the damage is done isn't it?

I also agree you should go away the weekend of the wedding. Not to rub their faces in it, but because it will stop you being bullied/coerced into changing your minds and going to the wedding when they realise they can't get new bridesmaids/best man.

I would book it right now cos that's what creditcards are for before I could change my mind.

Then you can tell DDs we aren't going to that wedding, cos we are going to XYZ instead.

I think you have handled this very diplomatically and am so pleased DH has stood by you over it.

"unicorn dust"

I would get your dh to make it clear how f@@@ing insulted you are by bridezilla and her rudeness! Grrr

Haven't read all the responses, but there's absolutely no reason that they couldn't have changed the age limit to 9. I'm glad you've decided not to go, as clearly they just wanted ready-made bridesmaids to pose for pictures, not to actually enjoy their company.

What a horrible thing to do, and I hope you do go away for the wedding weekend just to reinforce your annoyance.

I am literally gobsmacked by this. Does your youngest DD have some deformity which would supposedly 'ruin' the photograhs? Even if so this would be unacceptable.

I suggest your DH speak to the groom in case he has been persuaded to go along with this and does not fully understand the difficulty upset and bloody rudeness

""food for under tens"?! Wtf does she think they eat, unicorn dust?"

I did wonder if the caterers really had any such 'rule'. But it doesn't really matter, does it? Because either they did, and it didn't occur to her to get conspiratorial and say that DD3, if asked, must say she's 10. Or they didn't and goodness only knows what's going on.

I'd say this thread is pretty unanimous that Bridezilla is a total twat.

Since they are the only children invited and your youngest the only one excluded, she's done it on purpose. No one is that fucking stupid.

Well done to you and your DH. That's the absolutely right response and you are lovely parents (and people). It is sad when old friendships go awry but it does happen, and you and DH are totally in the right.

The older I get the more I think weddings and first babies are a great way for people to show who they are. The shallow ones will have showy weddings, the mean and greedy ones money poems and disinvitations for partners, the selfish and uncaring ones act like your friend, the lovely ones have lovely parties... Not one of the bridezillas in my life remained friends, but almost all of the reasonable or generous brides and grooms did.

It's not that weddings bring about a madness, they show their real face.

I wonder if bridezillas dp is even aware of this situation?! Your dh has to call him to explain why he cant be his best man

I thought bridesmaids/flowergirls were exempt from these age restrictions. But just decline for all of you. I certainly wouldn't have one parent stay away and look after the child who isn't invited to the reception.

I think you may be right paxillin. It's one of the few scenarios where the competing priorities can be far enough apart to really make clear what someone's true priorities are . In other circumstances the priorities can be closer and outcomes can look more like a compromise (even when they're not).

You sound like a lovely mum :)

As someone else said, this sounds like an excellent opportunity to show that you won't stand for people just treating them like objects to sit there and look pretty, only for the youngest to be discarded when she's no longer required.

That's probably it, WhereYouLeftIt. No need for compromise for once, so the truth is revealed. Therefore, a hint of bridezilla= turn down invite, friendship is dead anyway.

OP do you think that your relationship will survive this?

By relationship I don't mean with your DH, I mean your friendship with these 'nice' people

In some ways the bride has made it worse but only half invitting your dd3.
Had she say, only children over 10yo are invitted so dd3 can't come, that would have been a very different issue.

But 'only invitting dd3 because she had to'

Blimey flyfree what a situation. So sorry for all of you, but your girls will learn so much about acceptable ways to treat others from this, and will know that their mum and dad put them first and wouldn't let others mistreat their family. Hope you have a great weekend away together - as pp have said, it will probably cost less and be a lot more fun. and for you and your lovely DH, and for your three daughters

We had something similar once. DH was going to be best man to an old friend. We got on well and socialised quite a lot. I was due to give birth around 8 weeks before the wedding, and we discussed with them that I would sit at the back with the baby and whisk him out at the first whimper, and we'd take a room in the hotel so again I could escape with him to feed or change him, and they seemed to be happy with this. Then shortly before the wedding the bride's mother phoned us and basically said we couldn't bring DS, and bride backed her up. She was a bit taken aback when we pointed out that that meant I couldn't go either as he was breastfed, but insisted. So DH took the view that if they were withdrawing my invitation he wasn't going either. His friend was pretty mortified, but understood.

Bride never made any attempt afterwards to try to mend fences. DH is still friendly with the husband, and meets him occasionally for a drink or lunch, but we completely stopped socialising with them and I don't think I've met the wife since. I still think it was a real pity she was prepared to mess up her DH's friendship and lose mine for something so utterly unnecessary.

What on earth is she thinking?

In 9 years time - when DD3 turns 18 and they will no doubt have a sightly under 10 year old - have a MASSIVE party and ban all under 10s