Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...Or are our friends?

403 replies

flyfree1394 · 28/02/2016 10:12

Have three DDs aged 14, 12 and 9.

Very good friends announced their engagement a few months ago and invited the DDs to be flower girls - all three delighted.

Have now received formal invitation.

It says on it that no child under 10 can attend. DD3 is 9, will still be 9 at the time of the wedding.

Contacted friends to check that DD3 was still a flower girl.

Basically they want her there for the ceremony, pictures etc, but she won't be allowed to come to the reception/party afterwards. In short DD3 is expected to sit through a long ceremony, pose for pictures, look like a little angel, etc, then watch her sisters go to a fun party that she can't attend. We are expected to sort out childcare in a place that is miles from our home.

AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous?

OP posts:
insancerre · 28/02/2016 13:00

Any chance you can get them one of those photo shoots where they can dress up and look glamorous?
They might enjoy that if they were looking forward to dressing up for the wedding.

WitchWay · 28/02/2016 13:00

Glad you stood up to her - ridiculous plan. As for "can't cater for under 10s" - what a load of bollocks - children are not a different species!! Angry

needastrongone · 28/02/2016 13:01

Jees fly, I was about to give the bride the benefit of the doubt and suggest she has no DC of her own maybe and doesn't realise the logistics (my BF was similar and is mortified now at her stance on something).

You know what? I bet she backs down over this. And then the ball will be firmly back in your court as to what you do.

Poor DD3.

MissTurnstiles · 28/02/2016 13:01

Don't tell your DDs yet. Let the B&G sleep on it. I think they'll back down - she got stammery because she knew how unreasonable the request was.

Figgygal · 28/02/2016 13:01

Bride is a bit Barmy isn't she!!

Maybe it's not your fight and dh should speak to his best friend?

But sounds like damage is done!!

diddl · 28/02/2016 13:01

What the buggery fuck is food for under tens?

We had a sit down roast & it was a child's portion or an adults!

SleepyBoBo · 28/02/2016 13:02

Oh, flyfree1394, I'm so sorry. How awful for your youngest (to be honest, I did get an underlying feeling she was trying to get out of her initial want of all three in the ceremony). Let you husband do as he pleases - it will be enough of a mark that you and your daughter won't be there. I hope your friendship can be salvaged from this, but she owes you and your daughters a bloody big apology for leading them on! Enjoy whatever you do with your new plans, it was obviously not meant to be.

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 28/02/2016 13:03

Oh my goodness! I am sorry.

If it's any consolation, I think the bride is going to seriously regret this. She's jeapodised a childhood friendship, lost her groom his best man, lost her flower girls, and all for what???

Even if you manage to get it all patched up, the day is tarnished. She'd have to be either a sociopath or a dyed in the wool narcissist not to feel crap about his at some point.

BurningBridges · 28/02/2016 13:05

Well done OP, I thought you might give in, but please don't think this is the end of it - the groom will start on your DH now, and i am sure you will know that you'll turn out to be the unreasonable ones. But you did the right thing by your children - I am impressed. Good job.

Abed · 28/02/2016 13:06

Jesus Sad

It's not just the DD's who are affected, the DH was best man as well, it seems that the bride seriously hasn't thought things through.

Original poster
flyfree1394 · 28/02/2016 13:07

DH won't go. We spend loads of time with them (all 5 of us) and he feels betrayed that they now won't allow our beautiful youngest daughter to attend their wedding.

Am going to treat the DDs to some lovely new clothes and a stunning dress each that they can wear for a photo shoot on our weekend away ( might even plan the weekend away for the wedding weekend just to really rub it in) Grin

OP posts:
cashmerecardigans · 28/02/2016 13:08

Well done OP, this is really shocking. How incredibly rude. We got married last year and just invited all, left it up to parents to decide if they wanted to bring children (and hoped some of them didn't!) but it felt so wrong otherwise.
This is outrageous behaviour and bridezilla gone mad!
Have a lovely weekend away Smile

redshoeblueshoe · 28/02/2016 13:08

I really hope there is a MN'er near you who needs bridesmaids.
Cake for your girls

Wolpertinger · 28/02/2016 13:09

Food for under tens Confused

We told our caterers that we had 6 under 5s coming of whom 2 didn't eat nuts and 2 were halal. They said 'that'll be chicken goujons and chips then' Grin

So sorry it's working out this way. Suspect groom won't be happy at all.

CrazyMary · 28/02/2016 13:09

It's mean of them to use your dd and then expect her to leave as soon as she's done her bit.

paxillin · 28/02/2016 13:12

Well it is well known that on the 10th birthday a switch gets flicked and one can eat food that would have been impossible to digest 6 weeks before. Fact Grin.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/02/2016 13:12

Am going to treat the DDs to some lovely new clothes and a stunning dress each that they can wear for a photo shoot on our weekend away ( might even plan the weekend away for the wedding weekend just to really rub it in)

DO IT! We had a similar situation, not a wedding, it was a beach holiday trip with childless 'friends' who 'dis-invited' our teenage children themselves. We went to Disneyland instead. It was fabulous! They got rained on.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 28/02/2016 13:12

What an absolute bellend.

Think you've got a good plan there, OP. Have a lovely weekend away with your family, and sod her.

Notagainmun · 28/02/2016 13:12

Yes, I agree she only really wanted the oldest two DD. Did you tell her that you and all three DS's would now not be coming during that call? Did you say that is a horrible thing to do to a child?

I think it is ok for your DH to go and fulfil his duty as BM but I think that the friendship is permanently damaged. Having said that my DH would not go after that sort snub.

Arkhamasylum · 28/02/2016 13:12

You sound like a lovely mum.

Stupid bumhole bride and her stupid bumhole wedding. Grr.

PovertyPain · 28/02/2016 13:13

She seems to think that her wedding comes first, whereas anyone with a tuppence of wit will know that family comes first. If you had done as she asked, I can guarantee your youngest would never have forgotten about the time she was sent to a babysitter while the rest of the family partied. I honestly feel that this would have stuck with your daughter for life.

Unless the b&g wise up , I'm afraid this will be the end of your friendship. If you had done as she asked, your, understandable, resentment would have damaged the friendship. Can you imagine getting together afterwards and discussing the wedding and after party and your poor wee lass sitting listening to this?

honeyroar · 28/02/2016 13:14

Definitely plan something for that weekend, but for yourselves, not to rub it in. Go somewhere beautiful like the Lakes or the coast and book a photo session. It no doubt sounds weird, but look at pet photographers that do outdoor lifestyle shoots, they are often so much better than regular indoor family shoots..

expatinscotland · 28/02/2016 13:15

This would be a complete no-brainer for our family. No one would go. Best friends or no. Once we'd chatted and it was clear they wanted to use our children as props, then it would be a very simple, 'Oh, no, that doesn't work for us. Wish you all the best for your wedding but we won't be there.'

'Perhaps we don't go to the wedding but then go on a weekend away with them to celebrate thir marriage? '

Um, hell to the no.

ProfGrammaticus · 28/02/2016 13:15

"food for under tens"?! Wtf does she think they eat, unicorn dust?

Arkhamasylum · 28/02/2016 13:19

What is this vast menu change that happens between the last day of being nine and the first day of being ten? I think we need to be told.