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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...Or are our friends?

403 replies

flyfree1394 · 28/02/2016 10:12

Have three DDs aged 14, 12 and 9.

Very good friends announced their engagement a few months ago and invited the DDs to be flower girls - all three delighted.

Have now received formal invitation.

It says on it that no child under 10 can attend. DD3 is 9, will still be 9 at the time of the wedding.

Contacted friends to check that DD3 was still a flower girl.

Basically they want her there for the ceremony, pictures etc, but she won't be allowed to come to the reception/party afterwards. In short DD3 is expected to sit through a long ceremony, pose for pictures, look like a little angel, etc, then watch her sisters go to a fun party that she can't attend. We are expected to sort out childcare in a place that is miles from our home.

AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous?

OP posts:
ISpeakJive · 28/02/2016 14:46

Well done, OP!
I have a feeling she will end up changing her mind when she realises she isn't going to get the perfect wedding photos and her DHtobe won't have his best man!

I also think your DD's will have a much better time wearing a beautiful dress at a theme park somewhere!

Jux · 28/02/2016 14:53

Just say you got the date of the wedding wrong and dd will be 10 by then.

Cressandra · 28/02/2016 14:55

Oh dear.

Don't worry about your DDs. You are sending them all a powerful message that you are prepared to stand up for one of them. Even if one of the older ones doesn't like it first off, they will still know they matter more to you than social obligations.

clam · 28/02/2016 15:03

How stupid does one have to be not to realise that "No under 10s" does not actually, literally mean "no under 10s." Your daughter is, to all intents and purposes, 10, and it's hardly likely that the caterer is going to demanding to see her passport before serving up the prawn cocktails, is it?

You've done entirely the right thing by declining. Be prepared, however, to be painted to all your mutual friends as the bad guys for letting them down.

LeaLeander · 28/02/2016 15:08

Your husband needs to stand up for his family and bow out. And I normally am entirely in favor of childfree weddings but this is absurd.

Original poster
flyfree1394 · 28/02/2016 15:12

Thank you so much for all these very lovely comments, have really cheered us all up Smile

Definitely all down to the bride. DH politely texted the groom to say that if DD3, a bloody flower girl, couldn't attend, he didn't feel he could either. The groom was very nice about it and said he had wanted it to be an under-5 age limit but his fiance pushed it up to 10! So COMPLTELY out of character for her as well.

Still furious but this thread has calmed me down a bit Smile

Still haven't told DD2 and DD3, will tell them after we have booked a brilliant weekend away Smile

Thanks all so very much!

OP posts:
SouthWesterlyWinds · 28/02/2016 15:12

Are we all painting the bride in a bad light here? Let's face it - they usually get the blame but why does the groom not get any umbrage? I know OP has only spoken to the bride so far but she could be trying to uphold what the groom has told her.

Still fucking rude though - look pretty for photos then go home by yourself whilst your family goes to the wedding party. I wouldn't be impressed either and would decline as well.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 28/02/2016 15:15

How ridiculous to even think you would go along with the idea in the first place. I honestly find myself baffled everyday by people's thinking

UnmentionedElephantDildo · 28/02/2016 15:16

"he had wanted it to be an under-5 age limit but his fiance pushed it up to 10"

So fuck all to do with caterers then.

clam · 28/02/2016 15:19

Just when I begin to think there can't be any more wedding-related madness in the world, someone else on MN pops up to surprise me further!

paxillin · 28/02/2016 15:22

So he's a wimp and she's no friend of yours then.

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell · 28/02/2016 15:23

The groom must be wondering whether or not he proposed to the right person. Hmm

diddl · 28/02/2016 15:24

It makes absolutely no sense at all.

So even the groom isn't that bothered now that he knows that none of you will be going?

"he had wanted it to be an under-5 age limit but his fiance pushed it up to 10"

Is it just me thinking WTAF has that got to do with anything??

Is he trying to make out that he's the good guy or what?

They both sound well, stupid tbh.

honeyroar · 28/02/2016 15:24

Just make sure that you post some ultra cute photos of the girls all dressed up and posing, and put them online so they see what they're missing!

paxillin · 28/02/2016 15:29

Yes, honeyroar, and make that the card you send to the wedding.

AugustaFinkNottle · 28/02/2016 15:30

Doesn't the groom get any say in his own wedding?

paxillin · 28/02/2016 15:31

Apparently not as OP and her DH have found out during the phone calls.

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell · 28/02/2016 15:33

How utterly stupid that they have now lost great friends over this stupid decision.

clam · 28/02/2016 15:33

So, she's they've invented a completely arbitrary age limit that excludes one of their flower girls by a few weeks?

They'd be no friends of mine.

UnmentionedElephantDildo · 28/02/2016 15:33

"Doesn't the groom get any say in his own wedding?"

"Apparently not as OP and her DH have found out during the phone calls."

Assuming he is being truthful, and not trying to seem like the good guy when it was really a joint decision.

I suspect that trying to get to the bottom of this would be like trying to nail jelly to the ceiling.

rollonthesummer · 28/02/2016 15:35

Blimey-can't believe neither of them have tried to talk you out of not going. It's as if they didn't actually want you to come anyway?!

SouthWesterlyWinds · 28/02/2016 15:37

Ahh - double post! So it was the bride then 😕

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell · 28/02/2016 15:39

It was the bride, yes, but seemingly her fiancé supports the arrangement.

gamerchick · 28/02/2016 15:39

Bizarre. Makes me wonder what goes through some people's heads sometimes Confused

diddl · 28/02/2016 15:40

" So it was the bride then"

Well, so the groom says!!