AIBU to come off the pill without telling my husband

[Essexgirl85]

I've been married to my husband for over a year, we both want children but he doesn't want one just yet.

So AIBU if I stop taking contraception and don't tell him? I decided when we got together after talking about it with him that I would be on the pill, he has mild Cerebral Palsy and although he has worn condoms with previous partners it took him a while to put one on and it basically frustrated him and his partners and he hated having to plan when to have sex in advance.

I'm thinking that if I tell him he'll either never have sex with me or he'll use condoms which will be a passion killer, I'm not a massive fan of condoms anyway. If I don't tell him and I get pregnant I could say it's a 'happy accident', he'll be a great father and seeing how he is with friends children just makes me want children even more

Blimey there seems to be a lot of moral dilemmas on mumsnet this weekend.

Of course all forms of contraception have failure rates, even if taken correctly. That could be your excuse - just make sure you dispose of a pill every day so it doesn't look like you're not taking them.

Actually no, don't do that - how long before you couldn't keep the secret? - it would most likely come out in the end, perhaps at your DC's 18th or something & trust would be gone forever.

You've only been married for a year - slow down a bit & enjoy each other for a while longer.

As long as you are also happy for him to betray your trust in a massive and fundamental way, YANBU.
Good luck with the rest of your marriage.

Lesson to mums of sons out there, never trust any women including your wife over contraception.

Only married a year and already there's no trust.

Of course yanbu hun. He mite be angry at furst but hell soon grow to love bump n then bubba when it comes along. Dnt worry x

Poverty Yes I thought that as well. What do you think - Daily Mail reporter or Wright Stuff researcher?

I could write a long post but I think 'don't be such a fucking bellend' sums it up quite nicely.

When we had first baby it was joint.

I went back on pill afterwards. Told him after a while wanted another. And did not want to take pill. He was worried it would be too soon. But He said fine let's see what happens. Nothing happened yet but you never know. But it must be joint decision. If he wanted me to continue then I would of insisted in condoms etc. Not just my responsibility

OohMavis almost though I was OM the wrong site then for a moment

And you are thirty years of age??? Grow up! A horrendous breach of trust OP!

I'm guessing that this will be another thread where the OP fails to engage with posters to discuss it properly.

ffs is this some game to prove women are deceitful bitches when loads post "yeah do it, it's how every woman gets pregnant ... Don't worry you'll totes get maintenance from the father too....". Bollocks off it is it's been tried before.

Of course it's unreasonable. It would be very, very unreasonable to do this. I can't believe that you actually have to ask to realise that.

Of course yabu! I'm genuinely intrigued as to what makes you think that you would be reasonable to do that?!

YABVU! That's very dishonest.

Nasty manipulative behaviour

I don't know if this thread is real but I think it's real that some women do the 'accidentally on purpose' thing

Aibu is very strange today

YABVU but I think you already know that. You don't trick somebody into parenthood!!

Josie, I'm going down the line of Wright Stuff. The OP isn't an immigrant/on benefits/hasn't 27 children. Unless off course, I'm wrong OP and you are one of these.

I know someone who did this.

At the start of the relationship the dp said he wanted dcs in X years.

X years came around and she realised he was a procrastinator who would have plans about lots of things but would forever put them off.

She didn't want to take the health/fertility risks of waiting longer.

So she stopped the pill without telling him.

He never found out.

Several years later they are still together. Later had another DC they tried for.

He's a really great dad.

He would admit that his first DC was the making of him.

But yes on mn 100% will say it's wrong.

But yes on mn 100% will say it's wrong.

It IS wrong. Does not mean it cannot sometimes work out. More often it does get found out about and it goes horribly wrong. Or, even more often, people do it, but don't seek validation and 'permission' on a parenting forum about it first

The Wright Stuff, you say? They've quoted me once before. On t'telly
I'm ready for my close-up

mn is very weird this weekend. Wonder if there are some philosophy and ethics CAs due in and weve been invaded by a bunch of 16 year olds doing 'research'

What a pile of rubbish.

Of course it's wrong, I can't believe there are people who would believe otherwise.