AIBU to come off the pill without telling my husband

[Essexgirl85]

I've been married to my husband for over a year, we both want children but he doesn't want one just yet.

So AIBU if I stop taking contraception and don't tell him? I decided when we got together after talking about it with him that I would be on the pill, he has mild Cerebral Palsy and although he has worn condoms with previous partners it took him a while to put one on and it basically frustrated him and his partners and he hated having to plan when to have sex in advance.

I'm thinking that if I tell him he'll either never have sex with me or he'll use condoms which will be a passion killer, I'm not a massive fan of condoms anyway. If I don't tell him and I get pregnant I could say it's a 'happy accident', he'll be a great father and seeing how he is with friends children just makes me want children even more

Of course YABVU.

YABVU. This is a massively manipulative and disrespectful thing to do to your partner.

I'm not sure if this is a joke - if it's not you are being extremely unreasonable and deceitful. A baby should be conceived in love, not in lies and deception. I understand it's difficult to wait (as I was ready before dh), but I'm so glad we waited until he was ready as this pregnancy is bringing us both so much joy. Please don't so this.

YABVU. You would be going completely against your partners wishes. Totally manipulative and an awful thing to do to the man you love

I suspect that if a man had asked whether he should lie about using condoms then he'd be committing sexual assault/rape. Don't see the difference here really

Do this*

Of course you are BVU. Deception isn't a great start to life with your child. Living a lie would be awful, it's very disrespectful.

You're playing with fire and doing this would be a complete dick move. So don't do it.

Very wrong. Do you really have so little respect for this poor bloke?

Why are you even married to someone you don't respect?

YABVVVVU

Hard to put it strongly enough.

I'll go as far as to say I think what you are outlining is despicable.

YABU and if you did this, I'don't be telling him to divorce you.

So your post title should be "AIBU to deceive my DH and conceive a baby against his will". YABU

Yes YABU. Speak to him about your feelings.

You do understand that your hormonal desire for a baby is not permission to force your DH into holding responsibility for the next 18 years legally, but in reality a lot longer, for another human being? It is completely selfish and shows that you are probably not ready for the reality that children quickly bring.

sigh, YABU.

Oopsing your partner is a shitty thing to do. No respect there at all.

Also as a fellow 30 year old Essex girl- you're giving us all a bad name.

Yabu. I stopped contraception with the plan we'd get pregnant maybe 6 months down the line (my mum took 2 years to get pregnant with me so thought I might be the same). It took 3 weeks before I was pregnant, so it happened way too soon.

I think you've clearly thought this through. I can't fault your logic at all. Having observed your DH behaving in a seemingly personable way towards his friends' kin, you obviously have proof of his own readiness for parenthood. Don't listen to the actual words he says. You can see better. DH didn't want the tiger we keep in the pantry. He kept saying no Robespierre, it's a wild and dangerous creature which will rip off our faces and maul the children. But I saw him at the zoo in May 05. I saw the bond he had with that magnificent creature, albeit briefly and under completely unrelated conditions. I knew he'd come round.

Or...

Give over. What a load of silly fiction.

That's a deeply manipulative thing to the person you are supposed to love.

Have your manipulative tendencies ever worried you before?

NO!

Are you for real? YABVU. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? If you were using condoms because you didn't want a baby just yet and you fell pregnant, only to find your H had been puncturing the condoms so they'd fail?

Christ almighty, if you are seriously considering this then you have got bigger problems in your marriage, if you think it's acceptable to lie to your H like this. Grow up, stop being so selfish and thinking ME ME ME and have an adult bloody discussion about it. This isn't a disagreement about what colour to paint the hallway - it's about bringing another human being into the world, who has no choice or control in the matter. How would your child feel if they found out that you'd tricked their Father like this? I know someone who was conceived in those circumstances - she has massive issues as a result and it has permanently damaged her relationship with her Dad as a result.

How would you like it if someone decided to do something to you that would change your life forever and give you absolutely no chance to have a say in the matter whatsoever . My DHs ex W did this and he never forgave her. It ate away at him for the rest of the marriage as he felt if she could falsify something as fundamental as this what else would she do. I agree with him. Have a word with yourself!

If you even slightly believe that doing this is an acceptable thing to do,then you are not ready to either be married and have a healthy respectful commited relationship or to become a parent.

Accidents happen all the time and yes it's a fact of life and you just get on and deal with it but this wouldn't be an accident it would be a breach of trust,contraception coercion and an abusive action.

Yes. Very.