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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think, frankly id rather be in my own that be with or live with a man ever again?

71 replies

spillyobeans · 27/02/2016 15:44

Recently posted a thread about my dh basically being a lazy git who is quite happy for me to cook, clean, pick up after him and do everything with our 8 month old (all whilst i do full time uni and a job) whilst he does nothing. And i see many other mumsnetters posting about similar situations...where the wife/partner gets called a moan or a nag...yet the man does absolutely nothing.

I didnt marry the man im stuck with today. He used to be good company, there used to be a pretty equal division of labour so to speak: this was nefore children. Now hes just...changed.

Aibu to think that if i do leave my dh, that i genuinely have no desire to be with a man again. The idea of living with a man again....god. id just rather be by myself. Has anyone else experienced this? Im only 25 but i think i would be so much happier without having to bother with men ever again!!!

OP posts:
Katenka · 27/02/2016 15:46

Yanbu

Dh definitley does at least half around the house. But tbh, if he left me I would have no desire to live with another partner again.

I love dh. But I love my own company. I can't imagine being able to live with anyone else. I would go spare.

If you are living with a knob head, I can imagine that feelings is even more intense.

horseygeorgie · 27/02/2016 15:49

Def NBU! I feel exactly the same. I'm 31 and have been on my own for 10 years. I have a 4 yr old DD and tbh it is lovely just the two of us! I don't every want a relationship again.

Original poster
spillyobeans · 27/02/2016 15:49

Yes, im quite happy with my own company too. Im a bit of an introvert as well so i think i would genuinely be happier on my own like a spinster

OP posts:
Original poster
spillyobeans · 27/02/2016 15:51

I just dont understand why its almost taboo to be single, especially a single mum. As though you obviosuly havnt found the right one yet and what a pitty your on your own.....being on my own sounds like pure bliss tbh! and i can stop having to spend so much time with dh crazy fucking parents

OP posts:
Kidnapped · 27/02/2016 15:53

I've got a lovely DP who is always busy doing stuff around the house.

However, if we ever split, I'd stay single I suspect. Might have a bloke on the side, but he'd need to live in his own house. I also love my own company. So long as I had a dog, I'd be happy.

TerrorAustralis · 27/02/2016 15:54

YANBU. DH is a hands on parent and we have a pretty equal division of labour. If anything happened to him or our relationship, I cannot imagine wanting to live with someone else again.

Katenka · 27/02/2016 15:55

I have no idea why being single is sometimes seen as a negative.

It wouldn't do if we were all the same.

I could live quite happily with just the kids.

Tbh dh used to work evenings and I loved it. Now he doesn't I found it difficult to get used to him always being here at night. I loved nights in with me and the kids.

His hobby is a spring/summer one and he is starting up again soon...yay!

LucilleBluth · 27/02/2016 15:56

My DH works away during the week......it's fabulous!

LocalEditorEssex · 27/02/2016 15:56

Just me and my children living here for the last 18 months.

I love it !

spilly
My dad keeps asking me about 'finding someone'.
Hmm
I keep repeating that I am not interested.

RoseDeWittBukater · 27/02/2016 15:57

YANBU. I am very, very happily married to DH but if circumstances were ever that I wasn't with him any more I'd stay single. I just don't like other people very much to be honest so I wouldn't want anyone in my house Grin

Original poster
spillyobeans · 27/02/2016 16:02

Yes, i wouldnt want the hassle of meeting someone, liking them then moving in then realise they too are just another selfish prick dissapointment.

Thing is, when i had a very upfront chat with dh about how if he didnt change i would be gone, he genuinely thought he did enough. Like this morning i asked him to feed ds and dress him as id been up all night with him. It took 1.30 hours of constant nagging for him to move and do it, he then asked me what to feed him, how do i make it ( it was porridge ffs) and then came back and said he wont eat it (it was boiling hot ffs) etc....he is really useless. I feel so annoyed. At myself....why did i settle for this? But then he never used to be like this...where has it come from??!!

OP posts:
QueenLaBeefah · 27/02/2016 16:05

DH pretty much does his fair share.

But If we ever split I wouldn't choose to live with a man again. Too many of friends have been pushed into a lose/lose situation by lazy partners.
Ask him to do his fair share = nag
Only do 50% but let his 50% slide = live on a shit hole
Do everything so you are not a nag and don't live in a shit hole = exhausted, angry and bitter

ghostyslovesheep · 27/02/2016 16:06

yanbu I am single and I can't imagine ever having to share my space (and bed) with another adult ever again!

I love being alone

SecretWitch · 27/02/2016 16:15

YANBU. Married twice. Husband number two is an excellent hands on father and a decent partner. Honestly, I would miss the sex but not all the other crap that goes into a full time relationship.

Original poster
spillyobeans · 27/02/2016 16:16

Queen you have summed it up perfectly, this exsctly how we are living atm

OP posts:
Original poster
spillyobeans · 27/02/2016 16:17

Secretwitch i cant say id even miss sex. I dobt know if its because dh being a lazy git has made me resent him and therefore i just dont want to have sex with him, or in fact i dont really want sex with anyobe in genral

OP posts:
Kidnapped · 27/02/2016 16:19

Interesting, isn't it?

I suspect that most men would look to live with another woman again at some point. Easier for them.

PILs have a very traditional set-up for their generation.

MIL was a SAHM (never worked outside the home). PIL retired over 20 years ago and hasn't lifted a finger during that time. He likes to have 3 cooked meals per day. He doesn't like to eat out. Can you imagine the life that MIL leads - she can't retire from her role until he dies. Not for me, ta.

If MIL ever died first, he'd move on quickly with another woman or he'd want to move in with family until he met another woman. He can't/won't do the basics of taking care of himself.

TeenyW123 · 27/02/2016 16:23

There's a thread in Relationships called "Incompetent husband". There are some similarities between that poster's and your husband. She's trying to work out whether to stay or go too.

Original poster
spillyobeans · 27/02/2016 16:23

Kidnapped....fuck that! Why are alot of men seemingly happy to be looked after and not know how to look after themselves? Bloody hell....is it that hard to find an adult malr who can and will look after himself Sad

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/02/2016 16:29

I love my husband an enormous amount but when he dies I'd just shag the occasional bloke..... maybe.

I would never bother living with anyone.

saucepotwith3boys · 27/02/2016 17:17

I completely concur and have felt like that for a while - if I ever was single again I'd happily just live with the kids - and choose sex when I wanted it with whom I chose! It sounds so tempting!

NantucketNightbird · 27/02/2016 17:29

If when DH leaves I will never have another relationship again let alone live with anyone. I don't like sex, I like bed (alone), books, cats and crochet. Grin

kennyp · 27/02/2016 17:35

i cannot imagine having a man in the house ever again. eurgh. the thought of it. i'm in bed by 9 and my tv viewing routine is peachy perfect with no interruptions (especially during happy valley). (i hate hate hate not having the kids with me all the time but i've got to get to grips with it i suppose)

the way i currently see it, my family is broken and it can't be mended, nor would i try to. in a years time my family unit will still be broken although i might be thinking differently. hmmm.

HippyPottyMouth · 27/02/2016 17:46

It would suit me very well to have a little house of my own and wave DD off with her dad every other weekend and Wednesday teatime. DH is fine, nothing to complain about, but it would be lovely to have my own space again.

SylvieTuTu · 27/02/2016 18:02

Spilly I feel exactly the same. Add to that mix that my (d)h has looked on dating sites. Probably to find someone who won't "nag". It's hard to make a break with children though.

Genuinely, I look at people who are happily with a partner and wonder how I can have got it so wrong (don't get me started on listening to Steve Wright's Love Songs!).