Woman keeps demanding lifts! AIBU?

[blackcatwhitewhiskers]

This is so awkward.

I am friends with a lady (Jane) and we have a hobby we do together.

A few months ago Jane's sister Sue started coming along.

Jane is now unwell and not participating in this hobby - but sue keeps texting me and telling (!) me to pick her up!

It's really awkward. Sue doesn't live far away but it's in the opposite direction to the hobby.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

[blackcatwhitewhiskers]

She used to come in with her sister.

She just barely spoke to me but didn't ask for a lift back at least - think she's got the message and not before time.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

"Sorry..." doesn't mean "it's my fault". It's just a polite acknowledgement that refusing to give her a lift will put her to some degree of inconvenience.

The trouble is that an unreasonable person will not read it that way. She will see it as an admission that you are being nasty to her.

Ark's response is great - straightforward, no apologising, assertive but polite. This is it:

'Hi, Sue. We seem to have got our wires crossed. I'm not able to give you weekly lifts. I hope that's cleared things up. Thanks.'

[bakeoffcake]

No, Black I wouldn't do it 2 or 3 times a week. Well I would if it were a close friend or if I liked the person. Not if they were a cheeky mare though.

[Scholes34]

I'm with bakeoffcake. It would all depend on who needed the lift. I'm more than happy to help out when I can and when it would make a big difference to someone, but I don't like being taken for a mug.

Over the years I've accepted lifts from people for me or the DC, but I've never signed up for something that I couldn't get to under my own steam, if lifts weren't available. DC2 gets a lift to a hobby every week from a friend's mum, but he cycles over to their house and leaves his bike.

If she asked nicely, said thank you and showed any appreciation in however small a way, I might be inclined to help, though fifteen minutes out of your evening could impact in a big way, particularly if you're having to feed kids and get them off to bed before you leave.

[LifeofI]

i really hate people like this, i had someone harrass me for lifts as well in the end i fell out with her. Its just rude. Text her and tell her you are out of my way, walk to my house.
If she refuses say "ok il see you at the hobby place"

[blackcatwhitewhiskers]

Normally I'm very accommodating with lifts but this person is taking the piss.

[AmserGwin]

What did you reply op?

[amarmai]

I wd not make excuses-as she does not give you any choice except to say NO.

[StealthPolarBear]

Have you already replied and seen her since?

[Andylion]

She used to come in with her sister.

I thought you had given her and her sister a lift and she thought you would be happy to carry on giving her a lift. But if that is not the case it's even more rude. The fact that she is ignoring you is just a bonus as you have said you don't like her.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

"it's literally 'hi blackcat what time are you picking me up'"

Either: "I'm not. What gave you that idea?"

Or: "I think you've confused my number with your local cab office"

My favourite: "I'm not your free mini-cab service, so please stop asking me. I'm under no obligation to ferry other people about"

[myusernamewastaken]

Grrr nothing gets my goat more than this.......i think some people are born users and she is one of them.....i have been in similar situations over the years and its something i really struggle with.....i would worry that if op falls out with this woman then attending her hobby is going to become really awkward x

[Binkermum29]

My beloved dad couldn't drive and used to walk everywhere in our one-horse town. Miles and miles. He was, though, very well-loved in the town, through church and his job, so he was often stopped, when walking, by people offering him lifts - which he gratefully accepted.
As a result, my brother declared him a member of the Institute of Advanced Passengers.
Sue's application to be a member of this honourable organisation should be treated with the contempt it deserves.
(Sorry to go slightly off-piste but I love telling this story).

[blackcatwhitewhiskers]

Well, she made some pointed remark about the bus yesterday but other than that, nothing.

I think she's got the message, hurray!

[ThatsNotMyRabbit]

I think I must have missed bits 😏
What did you reply last week in the end?
What was her response?
What was the "pointed remark"?

I hate vagueness.

[TamaraLamara]

'hi blackcat what time are you picking me up'

"I can't pick you up as its not convenient. See you at [shared interest group]"

Easy peasy

[rollonthesummer]

What did you reply?
Did you drive her sister in every time?
Is the hobby more than once a week?
How does she get there when you don't take her?

[Tangofandango]

I used to be on a village committee that met every couple of weeks at a different member's house each time. Two members who were NDNs lived just round the corner from me. Their husbands both worked nights and took the cars so the wives had no transport. So on meeting nights I picked them up and dropped them home again, didn't mind at all, it wasn't out of my way. I did this for a couple of years. I never asked for petrol money and they never offered, I would've been going anyway so it wasn't an issue.

One evening I was getting ready to go pick them up when I got a phone call from one of them saying her husband hadn't gone to work that night so she had the car, so not worry about picking her and NDN up, they would go in her car and see me at the meeting.

It wasn't until I was on my way to the meeting that I realised they could have offered to pick me up!

I stopped the lifts from then on, and when they asked me why I hadn't picked them up for the next meeting I was honest and said I thought it was a bit rude that they had accepted lifts from me for all that time but when they had the chance to reciprocate they didn't even offer. They looked completely shocked and tbf were mortified when they realised, it hadn't even occurred to them, they just thought they were saving me the job of picking them up.

They were very apologetic, and we remained friends, and I did pick them up again, but they did start giving me petrol money after that.

[Fluffy40]

Perhaps it's time to try a different hobby !

[Petal02]

Have I missed a bit? Did the OP text her and actually say there would be no more lifts? I've read that Rude Woman hardly speaks to the OP, but feel like I've missed out on "why"?

[dgcoco5]

Are you actually 'friends' with Sue ?..a friend wouldn't try to inconvenient you. ..has she ever done anything in to return the favour ?
I'd be tempted to be blunt -to say something along the lines like sorry I don't consider you a friend and have other better things to do than being your taxi driver ...
Might sound bit childish & harsh but since she doesn't get your hints then being harsh might just get the message across!

[Petal02]

I really feel for the OP, as this could have really spoilt her enjoyment of the hobby. And caused issues in her friendship with Jane.

[blackcatwhitewhiskers]

Basically 2 weeks ago she texted the 'hi what time are you picking me up'.

I got her on that occasion but made an excuse the following week.

This week she told me to pick her up and I said 'can't sorry.'

She was moody at the hobby then. Never mind.

[Eminado]

Wow Tango you sound like my kind of person. It's so much easier to be straight forward.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Nevermind, not your problem, if she is moody at the hobby, people will notice, and will not want to be her friend.