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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman keeps demanding lifts! AIBU?

110 replies

blackcatwhitewhiskers · 27/02/2016 13:53

This is so awkward.

I am friends with a lady (Jane) and we have a hobby we do together.

A few months ago Jane's sister Sue started coming along.

Jane is now unwell and not participating in this hobby - but sue keeps texting me and telling (!) me to pick her up!

It's really awkward. Sue doesn't live far away but it's in the opposite direction to the hobby.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

OP posts:
Original poster
blackcatwhitewhiskers · 27/02/2016 15:18

She's barely spoken a word to me Hmm

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 27/02/2016 15:18

Also, seeing people are suggesting that you'd be happy to drive her if she made her way to your place and then you'd be able to split the petrol costs - chances are that she will do that for one or two times but then accidentally on purpose forget to pay towards the petrol.

I think the only option is to be polite and tell her that this no longer suits and don't expand on that.

Original poster
blackcatwhitewhiskers · 27/02/2016 15:19

She wouldn't come to mine as there's no direct bus and she acts like its a huge drama getting one.

OP posts:
evilcherub · 27/02/2016 15:20

Stop feeling guilty. You have been very kind so far. You will feel angry with yourself if you give in. Hermiones response is perfect.

PuppyMonkey · 27/02/2016 15:20

Id seriously just ignore all texts and keep away from her at the hobby.

ScrumpyBetty · 27/02/2016 15:21

Please stand up to this woman, some good replies above.

Please let us know when you have and what her response is.

[grabs popcorn and deck chair and settles down to wait]

Original poster
blackcatwhitewhiskers · 27/02/2016 15:22

Haha scrumpy - I thought I'd been clear last week but apparently not.

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 27/02/2016 15:23

Oh. She's one of Those People.

I'm afraid you will have to tell her no and also perhaps a word with her sister. Because guaranteed she's going to go whining to her sister to try and get her to convince you to give her lifts. Pre-warn her, so to speak.

tealoveryum · 27/02/2016 15:26

blackcatwhitewhiskers You were clear but she is a chancer and so she choses to ignore and still chance her luck. Tell her no once more and if she still persists then ignore and go out without a response.

ScrumpyBetty · 27/02/2016 15:27

What did you say to her last week exactly blackcat?

bakeoffcake · 27/02/2016 15:31

I live rurally and am used to giving dds and their friends lifts everywhere. If someone couldn't drive and that meant she couldn't get to the hobby, I'd happily pick them up.

But she sounds rather rude so I would mind giving her a lift.

wheresthebeach · 27/02/2016 15:34

I think Ark has suggested the perfect response.

Original poster
blackcatwhitewhiskers · 27/02/2016 15:41

But bake would you do so repeatedly two or three times a week there and back?

It is inconvenient and annoying.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/02/2016 15:41

What Ark said. I live rurally, too.

anotherbusymum14 · 27/02/2016 15:48

Whatever you do don't take on board the guilt. You can't do the lifts and it doesn't work for you. End of. No excuses needed and no explanations. I know it can be hard if you're not used to being straight with people but if you're not straight up they will take you for granted. Ignore any sulking and weird behavior. Carry on as normal and talk to her if you see her, just as you normally would. That's it. Don't go down the path of her drama if it becomes one.

anotherbusymum14 · 27/02/2016 15:49

Ps: I wouldn't think you need to explain to the sister either - it's not between you and her (you had your own arrangement) it's between you and the sister.

FixItUpChappie · 27/02/2016 15:51

Arks post is perfect IMO - breezy but to the point.

clam · 27/02/2016 15:59

Two or three times a week? Shock Blimey, I missed that bit.

Eminado · 27/02/2016 16:06

Who are these brass necked people?!
mind boggles

Aeroflotgirl · 27/02/2016 16:10

Very rude and cheeky of her, good answer op! Keep saying no!

Original poster
blackcatwhitewhiskers · 27/02/2016 16:12

Em - I know believe me I am Shock

OP posts:
AChickenCalledKorma · 27/02/2016 16:12

"Sorry..." doesn't mean "it's my fault". It's just a polite acknowledgement that refusing to give her a lift will put her to some degree of inconvenience.

This does not, however, mean that it's your job to carry on doing it. And simply saying "it's not convenient and I can't do it any more" is perfectly acceptable. And then she knows where she stands, whereas confusing excuses about how you are coming from somewhere else, or happy to take her if she comes to you, just give her the idea it might still be OK sometimes.

ovenchips · 27/02/2016 16:17

Yes, deffo don't bring 'Jane' (your friend, her sister) into it. No good will come of it.

Obviously, 'Sue' will probably bitch to Jane about the lifts, but if Jane feels forced to intervene I wouldn't engage. Jane is your friend and you don't want Sue making anything awkward between you.

SqueakyCyclops · 27/02/2016 16:18

Did you used to give Jane a lift or just see her there?

DinosaursRoar · 27/02/2016 16:19

I think she's clearly rude so it's ok to be a bit rude /blunt back - I'd reply with Ark's response, nice and clear. Or just ignore it- you haven't agreed to get into a lift arragement with her, she's not bothered to ask, instead just demanding it, you don't 'owe' her a response.

This isn't someone I would worry about having in my life, so it's ok to be a bit rude to get rid of them.