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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Woman keeps demanding lifts! AIBU?

110 replies

blackcatwhitewhiskers · 27/02/2016 13:53

This is so awkward.

I am friends with a lady (Jane) and we have a hobby we do together.

A few months ago Jane's sister Sue started coming along.

Jane is now unwell and not participating in this hobby - but sue keeps texting me and telling (!) me to pick her up!

It's really awkward. Sue doesn't live far away but it's in the opposite direction to the hobby.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 27/02/2016 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosebiggs · 27/02/2016 14:43

That's so rude of her! Has she replied yet?

tealoveryum · 27/02/2016 14:43

'hi blackcat what time are you picking me up'

Cheeky, I would tell you won't be giving her any more lifts unless she contacts you to say she'll get to yours in advance. If she sends that text after that then I'd just ignore it and go to the hobby.

rookiemere · 27/02/2016 14:44

Can you have a word with Jane and see what she thinks? She's probably used to her DSIS demanding ways.

ZiggyFartdust · 27/02/2016 14:46

hi blackcat what time are you picking me up

Just reply "I'm not". Job done.

CheesyNachos · 27/02/2016 14:48

Can you say 'I'm going there straight from work/my mum's/Morrisons each week so you will have to make your own way there.'

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/02/2016 14:48

She demands without a please or thank you. YADNBU. The ridiculously rude expectant bitch.

VulcanWoman · 27/02/2016 14:50

The cheek of some people, honestly, I'm all for "if you don't ask, you don't get" but some people take it too far.

PovertyPain · 27/02/2016 14:51

No, no, no. Don't tell her to walk to yours, otherwise she could end up arriving early and expecting to be entertained/fed/have a nosey/etc, while you're trying to sort yourself out or have a minute to yourself. You'll end up with her stuck in your life. She's not your friend so she can sort herself out.

fuzzpig · 27/02/2016 14:52

These threads always make me mad!

I don't drive and most likely never will (health reasons) but I DO NOT ask for lifts. I will gratefully accept if offered (and always make it clear I don't want to put them out, are they sure etc) but never demand or ask or hint etc. It's just rude. Gives non-drivers a bad name

Original poster

blackcatwhitewhiskers · 27/02/2016 14:53

The thing is it wouldn't make a difference if I said I was going from somewhere else as I have to go out of my way if I'm getting her!

I'll have to be blunt and rude but then so is she so ...

OP posts:

lorelei9 · 27/02/2016 14:53

I second the poster who says don't tell her to get to yours
I'd just say "it's not my responsibility".

AChickenCalledKorma · 27/02/2016 14:56

You don't have to be rude, you just have to say "sorry Sue but it's really not convenient for me to give you a lift any more. It's too far out of my way. Hope you can find someone else to help." And mean it!

Arfarfanarf · 27/02/2016 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Headofthehive55 · 27/02/2016 14:58

Don't have your phone on and don't see the message. Go to you hobby as normal.

ZiggyFartdust · 27/02/2016 14:58

Don't make excuses up, you don't owe her any explanations. Don't ask her to come to yours, don't offer anything. There is nothing awkward about this unless you make it so.
Many women need to learn how to say NO properly. This is an entirely unreasonable demand, don't legitimise it by sayign sorry or making excuses.

AyeAmarok · 27/02/2016 15:00

Go with Ziggy

DoreenLethal · 27/02/2016 15:00

'hi blackcat what time are you picking me up'

'I wasn't planning on picking anyone up. If you can make your way to mine then I'm happy to take you and we can just split the petrol costs. Let me know as sometimes I leave early and do some errands on the way. Ta'.

Grapejuicerocks · 27/02/2016 15:05

sorry Sue but it's really not convenient for me to give you a lift any more. It's too far out of my way.

This

OldCrowMedicineShow · 27/02/2016 15:07

Don't say sorry.

eddielizzard · 27/02/2016 15:09

yadnbu.

'um not sure why you think i'm responsible for your transport...'

ovenchips · 27/02/2016 15:10

Hermione's response is fab!

'What time are you picking me up?'
'Hi Sue. If you are able to ensure you are at mine by x o'clock I will happily give you a lift. It would also be good to share petrol costs.'

As Hermione says, you prob won't see her for dust, but at least you'd have ensured that you offered a lift in a way that actually works for you too.

I texts to be able send stuff like that. So much easier than saying it!

ZiggyFartdust · 27/02/2016 15:12

sorry Sue but it's really not convenient for me to give you a lift any more. It's too far out of my way

NO, not this! Why would you say sorry for not doing something you never wanted to do, were never asked nicely to do, and have no intention of doing? And why would you need a reason to say no?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 27/02/2016 15:14

Don't apologise to her for deciding to stop providing free transport for her.

I think the response that AlpacaLypse suggested near the start of the thread is the best thing you could send. Polite, to the point and makes it very clear to her that you are not her personal taxi service.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do (but please don't start your text reply with "Sorry" as you haven't anything to apologise for).

Arkhamasylum · 27/02/2016 15:17

'Hi, Sue. We seem to have got our wires crossed. I'm not able to give you weekly lifts. I hope that's cleared things up. Thanks.'

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