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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to fall for a very old friend?

531 replies

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 27/02/2016 00:08

So I can't talk to my IRL friends about this as we are a close knit group and I'm worried about it going wrong. But I am in a bit of a pickle.

I recently met up with a man I have been friends with for years but for one reason or another, haven't seen for the last couple of years. We have been out for dinner and/or drinks about 5 times in the last couple of weeks, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends.

The time before last we were mistaken for a couple by a drunk old boy trying to make conversation. Neither of us corrected him - keen to escape - but I kind of glowed when he referred to me as 'your lady', to my friend. When we left I was suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to kiss him goodbye. (I bottled it and kissed his cheek. Unusual for us as we are both very reserved and a bit awkward.)

We ran into each other last night and had a drink. I had bailed on a very big fancy party, and he was surprised but pleased to see me. I went home at the end of the night and kept waking up in the night trying to make sense of it all.

We are around the same age, he is a little older, and both single. He is painfully shy (I think he has only had one serious girlfriend) and I have a (frankly undeserved) reputation as being a bit of a slapper. We share interests, can sit and talk all night, text almost every day. I don't want to jump him - he would run for the hills - but I can't shake the quiet realisation that I may be falling in love with my kind, shy, gentle friend.

Where do I go from here?

OP posts:
PirateSmile · 03/03/2016 22:39

Or the grit in the eye trick?

KarmaBiatch · 03/03/2016 22:48

Blatant placemark. Loving this thread.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 03/03/2016 22:50

Not placemarking. No siree.

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 03/03/2016 22:51

candy

Poss slightly unbelievable in flatter-than-my-stomach brogues Grin

OP posts:
ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 03/03/2016 22:53

Undone button win Grin

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 03/03/2016 22:55

OP I'm not going to bed until you tell us you've snogged him. Get on with it girl!

MillionToOneChances · 03/03/2016 22:55

Win??!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 03/03/2016 22:58

Flats allow taking his arm, squeezing it, grinning and self deprecatingly saying "I appear to be finding you attractive these days...."

candykane25 · 03/03/2016 23:00

Or ooh it's dark here, I'm scared, be my hero, said with big wide eyes...

Clobbered · 03/03/2016 23:00

Has random guy gone? Maybe you could be a bit obvious about telling him to go away and let your man see that you want to be alone with him....dead subtle like.

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 03/03/2016 23:19

God I am a fucking useless pillock

Sorry placemarkers but this might be a slow and steady. I bottled it, shut my front door, and sat on the floor and sobbed. I think he deserves better than me.

x

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 03/03/2016 23:22

De Lurking to say Phone him now!

Grapejuicerocks · 03/03/2016 23:22

Text him now.

candykane25 · 03/03/2016 23:22

Aw.

Please don't be sad. It's ok to find these things an emotional rollercoaster.

I knew my DH for 20yrs before we got together. Always thought he was lovely. He was oblivious.

Sallyingforth · 03/03/2016 23:22

It's not lost yet! Text him to say "Thanks for a lovely evening. I wanted to say something but sorry I couldn't bring myself to do it. See you very soon!

MillionToOneChances · 03/03/2016 23:23

Why does he deserve better than you? He gives every indication of being really rather keen on you.

I'd be tempted to go for an 'ah fuck it' text along the lines of "I might be totally misjudging this, but I really wanted to kiss you tonight. If that's not what you want then we can say no more about it...?" But then I get reckless in times of crisis.

PirateSmile · 03/03/2016 23:27

Be brave. Tell him how you feel. Whatever the response, it's got to be better than how you feel at the moment.

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 03/03/2016 23:29

I think I have to do the letter as in person I just feel too frightened to put myself forward. I guess I am more damaged than I realised. If you'd told me a year ago I would be too petrified to take someones arm as we walked home, I would have laughed. WTF is wrong with me? Should I just text (bottle of wine and 3 double gins) or sleep it off?Feel if Mr Random hadnt joined us (at which point we resumed respectable sides of the table etc) I might not have bottled it.

FOR. FUCKS. SAKE.

OP posts:
candykane25 · 03/03/2016 23:29

Something is stopping you and it could be fear. Fear of commitment if this is the one - because that is life changing.
I went through this fear, almost like panic attacks.
But in the end I felt that the end result, if it all worked out, would be worth it, so I pushed through the fear.
It has definitely been worth it.

Florene · 03/03/2016 23:30

TEXT HIM NOW!!!!!

wigglebum84 · 03/03/2016 23:31

I'd text him now, don't let him get away!

Sallyingforth · 03/03/2016 23:31

Text NOW. He's probably just as disappointed that he didn't make a move. This is for both of you. You own it to him as well as you.

PirateSmile · 03/03/2016 23:31

If you are feeling so damaged, maybe a period of abstinence from any relationship until you feel better?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 03/03/2016 23:31

Sod it. Send him the text. If he's all squirmy then do the "Oops drunk me!".

HeffalumpHistory · 03/03/2016 23:32

So glad I found this thread!
Hope you're having fun rainWink
not place marking at all