to fall for a very old friend?

[ThisRainWasOnceTheSea]

So I can't talk to my IRL friends about this as we are a close knit group and I'm worried about it going wrong. But I am in a bit of a pickle.

I recently met up with a man I have been friends with for years but for one reason or another, haven't seen for the last couple of years. We have been out for dinner and/or drinks about 5 times in the last couple of weeks, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends.

The time before last we were mistaken for a couple by a drunk old boy trying to make conversation. Neither of us corrected him - keen to escape - but I kind of glowed when he referred to me as 'your lady', to my friend. When we left I was suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to kiss him goodbye. (I bottled it and kissed his cheek. Unusual for us as we are both very reserved and a bit awkward.)

We ran into each other last night and had a drink. I had bailed on a very big fancy party, and he was surprised but pleased to see me. I went home at the end of the night and kept waking up in the night trying to make sense of it all.

We are around the same age, he is a little older, and both single. He is painfully shy (I think he has only had one serious girlfriend) and I have a (frankly undeserved) reputation as being a bit of a slapper. We share interests, can sit and talk all night, text almost every day. I don't want to jump him - he would run for the hills - but I can't shake the quiet realisation that I may be falling in love with my kind, shy, gentle friend.

Where do I go from here?

Wrt to nice underwear, I meant for you. I find that if I go out wearing casual but I'm wearing good, well fitting underwear, I just feel better.

Go out, enjoy yourself.

I know this sounds ridiculously teenagery, but you say you're part of the same group of friends. Could one of those friends have the "what would you think if ThisRain had a crush on you?" conversation with Shy Bloke?

So I ran into The Bastard. I was early and he was there. We had a half before Old Friend turned up (Bastard scarpered - said he didnt want to 'tread on anyones toes' and legged it. I pushed a bit, and he said "well he's always been interested in you...I'll leave you two to it."
I was/am genuinely surprised.
Old Friend turned up. We had a few drinks. Talked. He talked a bit about a girl he had been seeing a few months back that hadn't worked out. I talked a bit about me being single but flippant, not piteous. We talked for 5 or 6 hours. It was ever thus.
He walked me home.
He has never walked me home.
And I hugged him - tight - and kissed his cheek and FLED.

I think I know how I feel.
I also think I am not ready to take the leap right now.
And I don't know why.
At one point we were both sitting with our hands across the table literally millimetres from each other.
And I wonder what is wrong with me that I cannot move my hand half an inch to signify some sort of interest.

(Maybe I should disclose that my last few relationships have been quite emotionally/physically abusive and I have been on my own since.)

He walked me home.
I didn't kiss him.
I'm so scared of falling.

And I wore the heels.

Lying awake wondering how/when I turned into this awkward, petrified loser. :(

You aren't a loser rain. It's a very tricky situation you find yourself in when you fall for a friend. You don't want to misread the signs and will be a bit more tentative than if it was a randomer. It took me and DH a while of these kind of "friendly dates" and hand holding to get it together. It took for me to get fed up and just ask him outright what was going on to finally get together!

Text him today. Tell him you had a lovely night. Say if he's free today would he like to have lunch with you. Be brave..

Good luck

Absolutely be brave. It is awkward to go from friends to more and lots of people 'bottle it' - the poor bloke is probably agonising as well - he's probably saying to himself 'why didn't I kiss her FFS!'

Oh please please be brave! This could have been me and DH 11 years ago. I was brave and kissed him. Do it!

This is basically identical to me and DH back in the day. Me with my baggage, DH who is incredibly shy and wouldn't clock on to an interested party, even if she was waving her legs in the air saying "take me big boy"

I eventually brought things to a head by consuming 3 bottles of wine,and jumping on him at a bus shelter. Hth

Genuinely have logged on to see how your 'date' went

Text him!

Get on with it girl! You know you want to!

Aww you should tell him

You're definitely not a loser.

I am excited for you, op!

Oh I am SO placemarking on this thread, because I want to do the whole 'virtual' watch you fall in love with each other thing

He sounds like he likes you. You definitely like him. Your spidey senses are tingling because you intuitively know he is interested, but you are hesitant because you've had your confidence knocked so you'd feel happier if he made a move, or gave off a few more obvious signals. But he is shy and probably equally worried that if he made a move you'd knock him back.

You can borrow the line that I used on DH almost 20 years ago. Big smile " are you flirting with me?" in a tone of voice that suggested you would be quite happy with that - think teasing and a bit playful. If he looks like it's the last thing on earth that he'd rather do, you can immediately laugh and brush over it with a "That's OK then! God you're such a wind-up merchant" and then make a joke (and then go home, have a wee cry, drink loads of gin and then work on getting over your crush). However...

If he blushes, stutters, says yes or similar then you have the green light and can torture the poor man until he finally jumps you.

I can absolutely recommend marrying a good friend - DH and I are very happy

You aren't a loser, you are understandably worried about making a move which might sour a friendship which means a lot to you. Don't be so hard on yourself!

It's leap day tomorrow. You could propose!

Aww this is so beautiful
Have you text him to see if he is free for lunch yet ?

MardyBra Haaaa! Oh my god.

To everyone else - wow. Thankyou for being kind about my drunk rambly self pity! It was the point where I was lightly complaining about sleeping in a narrow single bed and he made some casual reference to having a big comfortable double, my spidey senses went WOOT WOOT WOOT.

And I still frigging bottled it. Woke up to a text though. He never texts first. Place markers hang tight, this may be the longest thread in history before we actually get our shit together...

I agree with JolseBaby and to be honest many years ago when I had good friends (male) and one of them liked me etc I so wish I'd have taken the leap rather than being a scaredy cat.

Years later after dating bad boys I can so see the appeal of someone who knows me well.

Oh this is so exciting ! Placemarking

This is lovely! Please keep us updated.

Can I ask MN admin not to feature this thread on fb etc as there is a lot of identifying info - verbatim conversations etc - and I don't want to be outed! Thanks!

^mild panic moment up there.
I didn't ask him for lunch as I am working all day today and might have got up late - ha - ...but soon. And I'll keep you posted

This

Oh this is exciting.

I too had known my now husband for 10 years before we got together.

I had to be extremely explicit in the end. Even telling him one night that I didn't want to go home didn't do the trick, he just said that I could sleep on the sofa aarrgghh.

Please go for it. It will be so good if it works out. Fingers crossed for you.