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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to fall for a very old friend?

531 replies

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 27/02/2016 00:08

So I can't talk to my IRL friends about this as we are a close knit group and I'm worried about it going wrong. But I am in a bit of a pickle.

I recently met up with a man I have been friends with for years but for one reason or another, haven't seen for the last couple of years. We have been out for dinner and/or drinks about 5 times in the last couple of weeks, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends.

The time before last we were mistaken for a couple by a drunk old boy trying to make conversation. Neither of us corrected him - keen to escape - but I kind of glowed when he referred to me as 'your lady', to my friend. When we left I was suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to kiss him goodbye. (I bottled it and kissed his cheek. Unusual for us as we are both very reserved and a bit awkward.)

We ran into each other last night and had a drink. I had bailed on a very big fancy party, and he was surprised but pleased to see me. I went home at the end of the night and kept waking up in the night trying to make sense of it all.

We are around the same age, he is a little older, and both single. He is painfully shy (I think he has only had one serious girlfriend) and I have a (frankly undeserved) reputation as being a bit of a slapper. We share interests, can sit and talk all night, text almost every day. I don't want to jump him - he would run for the hills - but I can't shake the quiet realisation that I may be falling in love with my kind, shy, gentle friend.

Where do I go from here?

OP posts:
ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 29/02/2016 17:08

grapejuicerocks !! At risk of throwing in any more identifying info, I'm almost 30 and he's mid-thirties. When he casually mentioned the girl he had been seeing, he also casually mentioned she had been around my age. But then I don't know if that's just me clutching at any little bits of comfort I can find!

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 29/02/2016 17:17

My one that got away was in my company not that long ago.

It was agony.

Tell him fgs so we can all enjoy your new romance and forget our broken hearts Grin.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 29/02/2016 17:31

Place marking. Tell him.

Grapejuicerocks · 29/02/2016 17:36

The sad stories above, of the ones that got away mean that you have to tell him. We haven't got the patience to hang around all week. Do it tonight girl...

thisismypassword · 29/02/2016 17:43

Work out if making a move is worth risking the friendship. If he doesn't feel the same can you live without seeing him, as it may be awkward.

DreamingOfADifferentMe · 29/02/2016 17:44

Oh Rain, this is lovely and is bringing back all those feelings when DH and I started to try and figure out whether we were friends, or a little more, or a little more than a little more... For what it's worth, I had been to his wedding. Oh, how we laugh about that we really don't. So much time was wasted, and yet when you get there and there's that moment where you're about to step into the abyss, if it's right, it doesn't feel scary, it feels like coming home.

bedraggledmumoftwo · 29/02/2016 17:56

Go for it, good luck op

MintyChops · 29/02/2016 17:56

Ooooooh, exciting, please tell him!!

wannaBe · 29/02/2016 18:03

Llife's too short op.

I haven't just posted that so I can place mark. Oh no.

Memom · 29/02/2016 20:29

It's the 29th Feb, ideal opportunity :-)
Send him a text "do you fancy a date?" If he's not keen, blame the wine.

Good luck

fruitlovingmonkey · 29/02/2016 21:00

This thread has reminded me of the Vonda Shepherd song Tell Him.
Go for it OP!

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 29/02/2016 21:40

Ha fruitlovingmonkey I have the Vonda Shepherd Sings Ally McBeal album, I know it well!!

I have a new, inconvenient rotten shitty cold at the moment - the silly voice and puffy eyes and coughing up gunk stage. I wouldn't snog my snotty face right now, and 'I tink I dub you' just isn't what I'm going for!

Shooting for a midweek supper and a load of Nurofen/Lemsip/Olbas/oranges between now and then. I've not text him since yesterday - feel like some headspace and composure before diving in... (but if he texts me of course I will reply!)

If he doesn't feel the same, I am a big girl and I will suck it up. I'd rather have him to go down the pub and put the world to rights with than not have him around at all, and I'll never raise it again. I'd rather know and it be a bit torturous for a few weeks, than not know and it be torturous for god knows how long.

I am trying very hard to be rational and not project or fit things into a convenient narrative, but also wonder why would we see each other so much if he didn't want to? Why would he break away from his group of friends to have a drink with me when we ran into each other? But then why can't I hold his frigging hand when we walk home? Why struggle in my heels and not lean in for support (like I would with any of my friends?)

I'll try to pin down an evening. And of course - keep you posted. Should I sound out a mutual friend in confidence so I don't make a twat out of myself or just plough on?

OP posts:
verytiredmummy1 · 01/03/2016 06:18

Go for it!

Blatant place marking on my part!!
X

verytiredmummy1 · 01/03/2016 06:19

Ps if it were me id go for it without mutual friend. You know what you want so go for it! :)

Diamogs · 01/03/2016 06:40

Oh this thread is so lovely.

Hope you're feeling better soon op and can get off with him to put us all out of this delightful torture

PirateSmile · 01/03/2016 06:55

He's scared too Rain

Sallyingforth · 01/03/2016 10:15

It will be so sad if the other girl snaps him up because you have been too shy to tell him how you feel. You will regret it for the rest of your life.
Please don't let that happen!

Postchildrenpregranny · 01/03/2016 10:30

Friend of 3 years came to see me while temporarily split from now wife (of 40years) There had always been a bit of a frisson but he was attached when I met him .I often wonder what might have happened if I'd responded to what was a definite overture .
Have been happily married to someone else for 33 years.We see them as a couple and have lots of mutual friends.I still sometimes think 'what if'

Go for it .

wednesdaysocks · 01/03/2016 11:17

Maybe when you contact him to meet up again, you could try and arrange it somewhere slightly quieter than the pub, a little more intimate and suggest you make it a date?

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 01/03/2016 12:53

Sounds like me and DH. Knew each other for 20 years and worked together for 10 before we got together. Turns out we'd loved each other in what we thought was a platonic way for many years, and had been drooling obviously and flirting wildly each other for at least a couple of years, without the other having the remotest clue. Not only are we rubbish flirters, but we are hugely unobservant.Grin

We are very happy together, and only regret all the wasted time.

I say go for it. Maybe when your nose has stopped running, though.

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 01/03/2016 16:55

I did the thing. Just broke my text-sabbatical as am bored of jumping out of my skin every time the phone goes. I've asked if he's free for dinner on Thursday. (Dinner somewhere nice, dinner not pub, dinner near me Grin)

I'm about to embark on a bit of a work road trip for a few days on my own so figured it's a good time to let the dust settle either way, with a few days of hard work to distract me if it all goes wrong.

Now I've put my phone down and am idly googling hiring a hedge trimmer for my Winter Legs...

OP posts:
PhilPhilConnors · 01/03/2016 17:00

Exciting!
Sorry, blatant placemark

Ludoole · 01/03/2016 17:20

Another blatant placemark.
Fingers crossed for Thursday Grin

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 01/03/2016 17:45

Exciting! Has he replied yet?

JeremyZackHunt · 01/03/2016 17:53

Ooooooh.

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