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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to fall for a very old friend?

531 replies

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 27/02/2016 00:08

So I can't talk to my IRL friends about this as we are a close knit group and I'm worried about it going wrong. But I am in a bit of a pickle.

I recently met up with a man I have been friends with for years but for one reason or another, haven't seen for the last couple of years. We have been out for dinner and/or drinks about 5 times in the last couple of weeks, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends.

The time before last we were mistaken for a couple by a drunk old boy trying to make conversation. Neither of us corrected him - keen to escape - but I kind of glowed when he referred to me as 'your lady', to my friend. When we left I was suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to kiss him goodbye. (I bottled it and kissed his cheek. Unusual for us as we are both very reserved and a bit awkward.)

We ran into each other last night and had a drink. I had bailed on a very big fancy party, and he was surprised but pleased to see me. I went home at the end of the night and kept waking up in the night trying to make sense of it all.

We are around the same age, he is a little older, and both single. He is painfully shy (I think he has only had one serious girlfriend) and I have a (frankly undeserved) reputation as being a bit of a slapper. We share interests, can sit and talk all night, text almost every day. I don't want to jump him - he would run for the hills - but I can't shake the quiet realisation that I may be falling in love with my kind, shy, gentle friend.

Where do I go from here?

OP posts:
greypinkandpurple · 28/02/2016 13:13

This
As long as you both feel the same
It can be very hurtful experience in different case

bubbly1978 · 28/02/2016 14:06

So you think you're nervous? That exchange tells me that he is also, quite possibly because, like you, he doesn't want to risk spoiling a valued friendship. There's no doubt in my mind he is making hints in response to yours. Take courage, my guess would be that you would be pushing at an open door.

CallMeExhausted · 28/02/2016 14:12

This may seem cliché, but sometimes the most genuine matches occur when you are not looking at all.

That was the case for me... we have been married 11 years now.

iyamehooru · 28/02/2016 14:21

Very excited for you....placemarking!

MintyBojingles · 28/02/2016 21:20

Totally placemarking! So excited for you, sounds like you're on the cusp of something awesome:)

jaykay34 · 28/02/2016 21:28

Place marking !

Mine and my partners story is very similar.

It did take me about a year to tell him I liked him - and I did this when I was very, very drunk. We have been together for 4 years now and have a little boy together.

OSETmum · 28/02/2016 21:42

Awww this is so cute 😍

noschooll4mee · 28/02/2016 21:46

Hope it works out soooo happily 😍

MrsPigling · 28/02/2016 21:53

more blatant placemarking....

JolseBaby · 28/02/2016 22:17

Oh this is taking me back to the first time that DH and I kissed...

sparkleface · 28/02/2016 22:38

Ooooh this is really romantic. YOU NEED TO KISS HIM SOON OP! We are counting on you!

Lauren83 · 28/02/2016 22:50

Genuinely my first place marking ever, so reminds me of getting with my DP, we worked together and I was madly in lust/love with him and vice Versa but he didn't take any of my hints and there were a few times I thought there was a tiny bit of flirting in his messages but then it went again (he says he was clueless about me liking him and he was shy, and prudish!) first time we went for coffee after work we walked and talked for hours and hours then never spent a day apart and were living together 3 months later! Please keep us updated I miss those exciting days!

JeremyZackHunt · 28/02/2016 23:15

Oh this sounds familiar :) I'd known a guy years. Never really fancied him although he was a nice bloke but never a spark. Until we bumped into each other one night and I was smitten. We went for a drink and I propositioned him gently. He was a bit surprised but not averse and we had a few dates until he decided he was into the idea.
Reader I married him. :)

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 29/02/2016 05:30

Okay I have to frigging do this because I can't keep waking up in the night tossing and turning over this. I will try to be brave and tell him next time I see him. I've been thinking it over and I'll try to say something that encompasses

  • I should have done this years ago
  • I've hesitated because I really enjoy being with you and I don't want to risk ruining our friendship...
  • Will you just come here and kiss me god damnit

Eeeeeeep.

Blush
OP posts:
adreamworld · 29/02/2016 07:12

When will you see him again? This is so exciting :o Thanks

MairzyDoats · 29/02/2016 07:33

Oh I think you should do the 'are you flirting with me?' line! Gives you both an out... But he definitely is... Eep!

sillyoldfool · 29/02/2016 07:45

TELL HIM.
One of the biggest regrets of my life is once being in a similar situation and not getting brave enough to tell him, always thought there'd be another chance, thought I could take my time... One pub trip he told me he'd met x. He married x and they have a daughter. I've never quite got over it.

vintagesewingmachine · 29/02/2016 09:05

Tell him. If he meets someone else and you never took your chance, you will always regret it. Good luck!☺

Grapejuicerocks · 29/02/2016 09:18

Waiting patiently for the next instalment of this romantic saga.

babyjane1 · 29/02/2016 09:22

Awaiting next instalment!!!

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 29/02/2016 11:07

Oh sillyoldfool SadBlush
That was my dawning, when he said he had been seeing someone and I felt like a giant hand had just crumpled me up. He said the whole thing without looking at me though (!) so missed my quickly recomposed face!!

OP posts:
sillyoldfool · 29/02/2016 11:43

It's ok, I've since married a wonderful man and we have three lovely girls.
He'll always have a piece of my heart though, the what ifs haunt me, never felt quite the way I felt for him for anyone else. It would've been better for us to have been together for a while and it not work out than to always wonder.
Tell him x

Goingtobeawesome · 29/02/2016 12:45

Just tell him. Not being with who you should be with is not good Sad.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 29/02/2016 16:39

I'm another who wasn't brave enough with an old friend and. I do play the what if game sometimes. Tell him! Also a place marker. Grin

Grapejuicerocks · 29/02/2016 16:41

How old? If he's 75 and you are 20 then YABU.