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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to fall for a very old friend?

531 replies

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 27/02/2016 00:08

So I can't talk to my IRL friends about this as we are a close knit group and I'm worried about it going wrong. But I am in a bit of a pickle.

I recently met up with a man I have been friends with for years but for one reason or another, haven't seen for the last couple of years. We have been out for dinner and/or drinks about 5 times in the last couple of weeks, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends.

The time before last we were mistaken for a couple by a drunk old boy trying to make conversation. Neither of us corrected him - keen to escape - but I kind of glowed when he referred to me as 'your lady', to my friend. When we left I was suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to kiss him goodbye. (I bottled it and kissed his cheek. Unusual for us as we are both very reserved and a bit awkward.)

We ran into each other last night and had a drink. I had bailed on a very big fancy party, and he was surprised but pleased to see me. I went home at the end of the night and kept waking up in the night trying to make sense of it all.

We are around the same age, he is a little older, and both single. He is painfully shy (I think he has only had one serious girlfriend) and I have a (frankly undeserved) reputation as being a bit of a slapper. We share interests, can sit and talk all night, text almost every day. I don't want to jump him - he would run for the hills - but I can't shake the quiet realisation that I may be falling in love with my kind, shy, gentle friend.

Where do I go from here?

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 05/03/2016 09:26

I agree that you should keep the texts private, now that you have made the important breakthrough.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 05/03/2016 10:17

Sallying arf

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 05/03/2016 15:11

usual

As I said, I feel horribly guilty about that but was also looking for advice at 1am in a situation I felt I couldn't talk to anyone about. Don't we all expose a lot about other people on here without their consent? Families, teens, partners...? Now I feel atrocious and if I knew how to edit them I would.

FWIW I thought I might get a couple of replies not a 400 comment strong thread. Blush

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 05/03/2016 15:49

I don't think it's that heinous, OP. We don't know his name or anything else about him. And as you said, Mumsnet talk forums basically wouldn't exist without the divulging of private information about many, many people. Far more private than what you have written.

You don't have to quote any more texts but I do hope you will update this thread from time to time!

Namechanger2015 · 05/03/2016 15:51

He is not identifiable from his/your texts so it's not really a problem is it?

It would be different if you had given us his name or other identifiable features.

Don't we all do the same when we post about useless husbands or horrible inlaws?

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 05/03/2016 16:00

I guess.... I've hardly been recalcitrant with revealing an awful lot about myself. I've reported the posts anyway so hopefully MNHQ pop them off. I just wanted a bit of advice :(

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 05/03/2016 16:57

OP please don't regret this thread. You wouldn't have sent that crucial text without it. Many people are very happy on your behalf. Wishing you all the best Brew

LineyReborn · 05/03/2016 17:01

I do think it's a good idea to get the posts deleted that quote the texts from him.

But stay on here for advice if it helps. I remember getting together with my OH and we were both quite shy about making a move!

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 06/03/2016 18:19

waves

I'm back from work and we are having dinner tomorrow, at mine, when DS is in bed (although he has known him for years and met him several times, I figured we are best off figuring this one out on our own for now...)

I think I'm more nervous about this than I am about the other night as it's Out There now...

X

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 06/03/2016 18:22

Enjoy FlowersWine❤️

stealtheatingtunnocks · 06/03/2016 18:38

My brother learned how to cook three amazing starter, main, sweet combos. Really, really good food. He can cook nothing else. His theory was "if I cook for her three times and we don't shag, she's not that into me".

He had a 100% success rate with that technique.

So, you know, hang in there x

stealtheatingtunnocks · 06/03/2016 18:39

Also, as long as you don't say "oooh, guess what, the whole of MN is hoping that I screw you senseless", well, how would he ever know?

I think it's ok to relax about what you've written.

Have a lovely night.

2016namechangecomingalong · 06/03/2016 18:50

Hope all goes well, will be thinking of you.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 06/03/2016 19:09

Excellent :)

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 06/03/2016 19:10

PS I can cook Grin It's not that I have wobbles about!!

OP posts:
MagpieCursedTea · 06/03/2016 19:17

Eeeeh! I'm sure it'll be a magical night Smile

colander1 · 06/03/2016 19:21

You'll probably have an awkward moment when he arrives, then you'll both smile and remember you have been friends for ages. Good luck Smile

MrsJamin · 06/03/2016 19:31

Fab. Fingers crossed that it will be a lovely relaxed evening when you can both be honest about where you stand.

JustHereForThePooStories · 06/03/2016 19:35

I married my kind, shy, gentle friend.

Would highly recommend it.

PommelandCantle · 06/03/2016 19:41

Are you going to wear "the shirt" Grin. I get a silly grin every time I read this thread.

ThisRainWasOnceTheSea · 06/03/2016 20:18

@Pommel I have another one. At least at mine I can put the heating on rather than shiver me tits off in the pub 😃

OP posts:
stumblymonkey · 06/03/2016 20:22

Eeeep!

Will we get further loo or maybe kitchen updates?

I can clear my schedule of watching shit TV to over-invest in your evening instead Grin

PommelandCantle · 06/03/2016 20:30

You and me both Stumbly

EnjoyTheSimpleThingsInLife · 06/03/2016 21:54

What a lovely thread Smile

MillionToOneChances · 06/03/2016 22:20

Oooh, updates - yay!