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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sell the concert tickets

132 replies

FaithlessOne · 26/02/2016 23:18

I am so angry I can't think straight so I need ad

DD (age 12) has done a really stupid thing. She's part of a Minecraft forum and server. Donations to the server are accepted but not compulsory but you get more privileges with donating.

Anyway, I found out tonight that yesterday she donated over £70 of her own money on behalf of other users of the forum. I'm fuming. Yes, it's her money but it's too much and she doesn't know these people..

So, WIBU to sell the concert tickets she begged me for (I bought them last month for £120) to re-coup the money and teach her a lesson?

OP posts:
itsbetterthanabox · 26/02/2016 23:30

What are you punishing her for? She can't spend her money on what she wants anymore. She's already lost out. It wasn't your money you haven't lost out at all.
What did you want her to spend her money on?

itsbetterthanabox · 26/02/2016 23:31

So you wanted to recoup her money to keep for yourself?

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/02/2016 23:31

I'm really struggling to understand why you are so angry? Is it waste? Is it actually you being worried about her being taken advantage of? It is you feeling she doesn't value money or treats or something?

She did something silly, fun for her and nice. With her own money.

Original poster
FaithlessOne · 26/02/2016 23:33

Lots of posts. Sorry. Trying to keep up.

She used her bank card. She has a current account. Yes we have had chats about not spending online and asking permission. She has had her own account since age 11 and always behaved.

She had the money to spend as I transfer £20 a month to her account as pocket money. She had about £80 due to Christmas but now it's gone.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 26/02/2016 23:34

I'm at a loss to see why you think she needs punished It was her money. You'd be better sitting down and discussing money with her. At the end of the day she's lost £70 she could have spent on other things. She's still a child she doesn't need punished for being naive

00100001 · 26/02/2016 23:34

well, why punish her twice?

Chocoholicmonster · 26/02/2016 23:35

Take away her bank card. I think that's far too young to have access to buy anything online - as you've now seen. At 12 she won't understand the concept of money. Doing that & maybe banning her from Minecraft for a while might be punishment enough.

Original poster
FaithlessOne · 26/02/2016 23:36

I didn't want her to spend her money on strangers.

Yes, I would recoup the money to keep myself Blush. I agree this is looking like a bad idea...

I'm really struggling to understand why you are so angry? Is it waste? Is it actually you being worried about her being taken advantage of? It is you feeling she doesn't value money or treats or something? All of those tbh plus we are SKINT! Single parent family, etc, etc.

OP posts:
EduCated · 26/02/2016 23:36

I would imagine having no money will be punishment enough, so long as you don't sub her money for anything.

Doe Ashe go shopping/to the cinema with friends? Does she get pocket money?

Chocoholicmonster · 26/02/2016 23:37

I completely understand why you are angry - I would be too. £70 is a lot of money for most people - but at 12, she won't really understand this. I don't at all think you're being unreasonable about being angry. I do however think it's unreasonable for a child to have a bank card (not an account) & access to spend online.

AtSea1979 · 26/02/2016 23:38

I don't understand what you DD has done wrong Confused it was her money she spent it. That's what kids do, if it wasn't Minecraft online, it would be bits of plastic cluttering up her bedroom. What difference does it make what so ever what she chooses to spend her money on? She probably got a lot of enjoyment out of playing on Minecraft and topping up people's packs so they could be at same stage as her.

mum11970 · 26/02/2016 23:38

She's already lost the money she paid on her friends behalf. Why punish her twice? She's learnt her lesson if her friends don't reimburse her.

Original poster
FaithlessOne · 26/02/2016 23:38

Ok. I shall shelve the concert ticket selling. I think I knew it was OTT which is why I posted.

I don't agree she has suffered enough by spending her £70 though. She knew it was deceitful and she should have asked permission. I think a ban from Minecraft is more suitable.

OP posts:
Chicagomd · 26/02/2016 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theycallmemellojello · 26/02/2016 23:39

I think the more practical approach would be to contact the forum and ask for the money back. They wouldn't be obliged to do so but as she's so young and it's such a large chunk of her money they might. I'm confused as to why a forum for children was fundraising like this anyway. And also as to why she has access to electronic money.

lalalalyra · 26/02/2016 23:39

Has she broken a spending rule?

I mean, obviously you need to speak to her about using her money online and the likes, but do you have spending rules?

Did she spend the £70 in one go? Or if it was a few £1's here and there is it much different to her buying sweets for friends or paying for milkshakes.

I think you'd be unreasonable to punish her for being silly tbh. She's going to be punished when she sees things that would have been a better use of her own money. It would be much better to use the chance to speak to her about her safety online and about being taken advantage of by people you think are friends (if she was taken advantage of) or about showing off if that's what it was.

LeaLeander · 26/02/2016 23:40

Why are you so angry and what should she be punished for?! Many older and wiser people are gulled I to things and berating over it is harsh and mean.

Sounds like you really resent her, financially, on a number of levels. Perhaps you need to address that with counseling rather than take it out on her.

defineme · 26/02/2016 23:40

You are cross with her for being irresponsible so want to punish her, but she's already been punished by losing her money.
Are you actually a tiny bit cross with yourself for thinking she was mature enough to handle the cash?
My dd spent £70 of her own money (saved over many months) on build a bear stuff-not ideal but it was hers.
I would be looking for info to share with her on online safety not taking away treats.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/02/2016 23:41

There is something in there about you worrying about money and being angry she isn't worrying about money. But she shouldn't be, she's so young. Best gift you can give her is good financial literacy skills.

Let her learn from her mistake. She may not even think it is one. If she doesn't, that's OK. But next time she wants to go to a concert (or buy anything) keep repeating "do you have enough for that?", "you'll need to save up for that". Buying big ticket items and allowing her to fritter away her money isn't a lesson. Letting her choose her own priorities is.

Oh and take away the bank card. Natural consequences to not asking you about spending online.

Original poster
FaithlessOne · 26/02/2016 23:41

It wasn't about being at the same stage as her. It was just about giving people a donator status Confused. Also, there was no plan for anyone to reimburse her.

She does spend her money on nice things so she will miss that for a while. I just think £70 on people she doesn't know is excessive. And sneaky.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 26/02/2016 23:42

She has lost £70 of her own money. That isn't your money so there is no reason for you to "recoup the money". You haven't lost any money, she has.

So this is because you are angry and want to punish her.

I think not taking her to the concert is too harsh. How about restricting her access to money so that she can't do it again? That would be more logical and appropriate and sends the message that if she wants to have free access to the money she needs to prove that she can spend it wisely. It also protects any money she has left, if there is any.

theycallmemellojello · 26/02/2016 23:42

Tbh i would also be unhappy about her contacting strangers on forums. She's shown that she is way too trusting and liable to be exploited. I would be keeping closer tabs on her internet usage in future.

Shakey15000 · 26/02/2016 23:44

I think 12 is way too young to have access to spend online. I wouldn't sell the tickets but I would take away the bank card.

Original poster
FaithlessOne · 26/02/2016 23:44

Ok. I do not resent my daughter. Financially or otherwise.

The money was spent over one evening. £7 each time so ten transactions. I can't see how we can ask for a refund when she told the players she was happy to donate on their behalf. The forum would then be taking away their donate status.

OP posts:
Chocoholicmonster · 26/02/2016 23:45

OP, please ignore the stupid comments regards to going to counselling - You'll always get someone who goes to the extreme.

I think you've reacted perfectly normal to finding out your child has spent £70 online. I think most people would be angry. I think some people are missing the point that she didn't ask your permission to buy online as you had previously agreed with her.

Please though, take away her bank card.

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