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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'We're not TTC, but we're not using any protection'

146 replies

ExplodingCarrots · 26/02/2016 13:42

WTF does this mean?! I actually can't get my head around it.

I see this on here a lot (once earlier) and now a friend has just said it ...with my response being .

Anyone care to explain it to me?

OP posts:

Sallystyle · 26/02/2016 18:14

If you aren't on contraception and you are having sex then you are TTC.

I never charted or anything, but I was still TTC.

You might not be getting stressed about TTC but you are still TTC.

Why not just say 'we are TTC but we are very relaxed about it' ?

AnyFucker · 26/02/2016 18:21

Done, I don't think anyone on this thread is an idiot. Like I said I wish for them what they want.

AnyFucker · 26/02/2016 18:22

Sorry, dione

derxa · 26/02/2016 18:25

Who asks if people are using protection? I've never had this conversation ever except with medical staff.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 26/02/2016 18:28

Is it due to social media that everything has to be labelled and then abbreviated? I don't really understand why you would tell people you were trying for a baby if you didn't want any outside pressure, let alone post it on facebook.

MoonriseKingdom · 26/02/2016 18:48

A couple of a suitable age, with no fertility problems, having regular sex without contraception are highly likely to be pregnant within a year. This is regardless of whether they do any tracking. As others have said the NHS don't encourage people to use opks etc. I personally see no distinction between TTC and NTNP.

What worries me is that ideally you should take folic acid for a few months before conceiving to minimise the risk of problems such as spina bifida. Are all these people NTNP taking folic acid?

kickassangel · 26/02/2016 19:54

Yeah, I'm also wondering how many people actually talk about this.

What bothers me is that it's pretty much a binary - you're either actively preventing pregnancy, or you're not. 'Trying' for a baby (beyond having sex) is kind of a false idea. I know there are ways in which you can maximize the possibility of getting pregnant, but just having sex without protection is an event which could lead to pregnancy, so effectively 'trying' to get pregnant.

I'm sure it's more that some people prefer euphemisms to saying 'yep, we're hoping to have a kid, but we're not sure it will happen, so we're avoiding saying the words out loud.'

But basically, it really is no-one else's business, so people shouldn't need to be saying anything unless they really want to - which implies that they are trying.

gooseberryroolz · 26/02/2016 22:10

Who asks if people are using protection? I've never had this conversation ever except with medical staff.

I've never heard 'We're not TTC, but we're not using any protection' said IRL Derxa, but I read it on MN every week.

LovelyFriend · 26/02/2016 23:16

Both my Dc were conceived this way. That's how I liked it.

if you are having contraceptive free sex you are in one way or another working towards a PG.

SquidgeyMidgey · 26/02/2016 23:25

I would take that as chilled TTC, no charting etc just letting nature take its course.

lostinmiddlemarch · 27/02/2016 00:12

I think it reflects a fundamental difference in life/children philosophy. Most people have plans as the status quo and it's an event if they decide not to plan something. Ditto children. But there are some who genuinely need and want not to work that way, from whom a plan is a deviation from the norm. Or there are areas of life in which they plan and areas they don't, and family is one of those areas they don't.

lostinmiddlemarch · 27/02/2016 00:13

for whom

lostinmiddlemarch · 27/02/2016 00:14

I think it's a fairly new idea to plan your children like holidays.

LittleLionMansMummy · 27/02/2016 00:21

Well for me I have pcos, it took 2 years to conceive ds who is now 5. I felt my biological clock ticking when i approached 37 years old but we couldn't decide if we really wanted another baby or could put ourselves through what we did before. So I came off the pill and we're not trying as such, just aware that it might happen and are prepared (emotionally, financially) if it does. I honestly couldn't go through that whole 'actively trying' things again. Part of me would be more than happy as we are (I feel exceptionally lucky to have finally had ds) and part of me would be happy if I got pregnant again. We'll let fate decide.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 27/02/2016 00:33

Just seems like yet another 'cutesy' way to describe something to me.

Loqo · 27/02/2016 00:55

I think this thread needs a Venn diagram or something.

novemberchild · 27/02/2016 01:02

I would interpret it as not using ovulation tests, perhaps not having sex very often. At least, that's how it was for us - we had unprotected sex for a few months, but it was infrequent and we didn't conceive, presumably, because we weren't having sex over the right period. When using ovulation tests, we conceived right away.

Mislou · 27/02/2016 04:48

I have said this. We didn't use protection for 8 years,my partner would use 'the withdrawal method ' I would have been happy to have got pregnant. Then, when he agreed to try, I made sure we had sex at the fertile times even if we didn't feel like it.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/02/2016 15:53

Well I don't think it's that new an idea to plan your family. The pill has been around since the sixties.

Having children is a massive thing. I have four. For each one I wanted to be sure I could look after him/her physically, emotionally and financially. And yes, being a bit controlling, I also tried to ensure they weren't summer born, or their birth wouldn't clash with a sensitive sibling starting school. And I made sure I was taking my supplements and not drinking.

I'm amazed by how laid back some people are.

guidinglight · 27/02/2016 18:43

This is me. We both have some issues that could affect fertility so I am trying to take an 'if it happens it happens, if not it doesn't' approach. Initially I wanted to actively TTC, involving ovulation tests, telling DP when I was ovulating, not booking holidays just in case but it drove me mad. Now we're just carrying on as we were before, no talk of babies etc.

The only thing I do is track my periods so I would know straight away as I enjoy a drink. I started taking a vitamin with folic acid when I wanted to actively TTC and have continued as I still have some left. When they run out I think I'll continue but I'll just take a generic one rather than one specifically for TTC. As much as I want to carry on as normal, I don't want to do anything that would potentially risk a baby's health if I was lucky enough to conceive.

justalexx · 26/08/2016 17:56

Yeah I agree with all the ones that say it isn't like trying to, but the couple would be happy or it happened.

I actually had a question that I haven't gotten much insight on and I'd like to ask here.

I decided to try BC once more. Didn t like it.I stopped the 3rd week. I had withdrawal bleed. now about 12 days later I have spotting. Is it ok?

We aren't actively trying to conceive or anything but we would be happy if it happened.

We have had both protected and unprotected Sex since I stopped it. As weird as it sounds/ lol. I mostly tried birth control to control acne and to start getting a shorter period.

Thought it s about day 16 that I kinda have ovulation when I have it (I am on day 13-14 of cycle) I know I can t completely rule out pregnancy as I have had unprotected sex but I think it s too early too test, since the potential ovulation wouldnt have happened yet? Lol I m a bit confused.

So anyway, what I wanted to know it s what do you guys think? Have I caused my cycle to go crazier by trying them for a month? Why could the little spotting be? Any ideas.

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