'We're not TTC, but we're not using any protection'

[ExplodingCarrots]

WTF does this mean?! I actually can't get my head around it.

I see this on here a lot (once earlier) and now a friend has just said it ...with my response being .

Anyone care to explain it to me?

'You can be as "open" to the idea of a pregnancy (or not) as you like but the fact remains that if you having sex and there are no bars to conception then actually you are effectively trying to conceive'

As ever, AnyFucker nails it.

OP I am 100% with you and I suspect we are both thinking of precisely how it was referenced elsewhere on here today. Am I on track here? As am pretty certain we're both thinking of some already devastated child being foisted on yet again

And it very def, is NOT in the way PP here have described it as; rather it's an expression being used by someone feckless & reckless who would undoubtedly claim - in event of positive test - "well, we weren't trying so now we just have to get on with it and EVERYONE will have to regardless of the consequences of it on them just accept it"

If you're having sex with the explicit intention of getting pregnant, they you are TTC

If you're having sex because you enjoy having sex, and you don't really mind whether you get pregnant or not, then you're not actually trying to conceive are you?

Just like if I go out in the winter without a coat I know might get wet, but that doesn't mean I'm automatically trying to get wet, just that I do something that means it might happen.

I did this exactly but I wasn't daft enough to tell people. DH and I were very relaxed about it. We couldn't quite work out when the most sensible time for me to get pregnant would be so we stopped using contraception. I'm not sure it was a very mature way of doing it but it was stress free and worked for us.

I'm technically ttc. However after having used no contraception for the last 5 years we have gone through several stages - excitedly not using contraception hoping we'll get lucky; actively planning sex around fertile times, monitoring diet, alcohol intake, vitamins etc; lots of invasive fertility investigations at the hospital; resignation that it probably won't happen but not quite willing to admit it...

Does that make sense?!
We are lucky to have one child conceived very easily, then nothing.... So not simple no.

No that's not the same. because if you're having unprotected sex and not using any contraception then if you don't consider that you might get pregnant you are either incredibly stupid or naive or both.

And I would even extend that to people with fertility issues because the reality is that people do fall pregnant naturally even if they're having fertility issues which means they are likely to need help doing so. I have lost count of the number of people who have given up fertility treatment only to fall pregnant naturally or who have fallen pregnant naturally very quickly after an IVF baby. Of course if you've been told that you are unlikely to conceive naturally you might be more complacent, and probably more surprised if you do then fall pregnant naturally.

But ultimately the primary reason for sex is reproduction. As humans we obviously have other reasons and desires for having sex, therefore if you don't want to reproduce you take steps not to.

It's more than irritating. And this found myself pregnant. How on earth could that possibly happen. Can't believe the naivety of a lot of women in this supposedly emancipated age. TTC means wanting a baby. If you aren't TTC it's an accident.

No, Bertrand, it doesn't have to mean you're an idiot.

For many couples the TTC process will begin with a few months, or a year or two, of not using contraception but not stressing about when they have sex, or charting, or peeing on sticks.

If that doesn't work they will probably step up a notch to doing those things.

Pedantically there is not a difference, but in many people's mind there will be a difference between just having sex and not stressing about it, and then actively having sex every other night etc.

We used to say this. It meant that we weren't actively charting ovulation, fertility etc, we were just not using contraception. Nothing happened so we eventually started taking it a bit more seriously until we had DD. I think we phrased it like that so it didn't seem like such a big decision.

Just like if I go out in the winter without a coat I know might get wet, but that doesn't mean I'm automatically trying to get wet, just that I do something that means it might happen.

The intended purpose of going outside is not to get wet. The intended purpose of PIV is to make a baby, short of actively avoiding it.. you are always trying to conceive.

If i go to a store and buy a scratch ticket I can't say I accidentally won a fiver. I tried to win it. Just because it might not happen some of the time and I won't be gutted if I lose does not change the fact that it is the point of lottery tickets.

PIV is for making babies. SO if you are having unprotected PIV you are trying to make a baby.

Yes lady you're on the right track.

I totally understand the stresses of TTC and 'just seeing where it goes'. For the first few months I was a little obsessed but im past it now. What will be, will be. But I'm still trying.

I think, for me, it's when someone says 'I'm pregnant' and you say congratulations and then they say 'oh we wasn't trying, it's an accident' and then goes on to say they havnt used protection for months. It bewilders me.

If someone says they're not trying, not using contraception but then goes on to say they don't mind it will happen then I can understand that !

meh. it's all about the frame of mind isn't it. don't understand people getting so worked up about it.

I would assume it means if it happens, it happens but as a couple there not putting too much pressure on trying ttc

You can't "accidentally" get pregnant. An accident is dropping something or falling over. Pregnancy is a known potential side effect of sex and therefore not an accident.

As someone has has suffered fertility struggles, and is about to undergo treatment yet again, it is a phrase that really annoys me.

ah okay, I can definitely appreciate that distinction OP.

That's us but since the chance of pregnancy is something like a million to one I don't consider us ttc.

We're not TTC and not using protection. As I'm 53 with a history of fertility problems I doubt I'm going to get pregnant.

We did this, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and couldn't bring myself to actively try again as we had done previously, with the charting etc.

We threw all that out of the window because it took a while to get pg again and I didn't want the heartache of a neg test every month.

DS is now 12 weeks old 😊

squash - who are you to tell someone else what the intended purpose of them having sex is? You might be intending to get pregnant when you have sex, but they might be intending to have a good time. Only the person doing it can tell you what their intention is.

You'd be stupid not to recognise it was possible/likely that you'd get pregnant that way, but that doesn't mean you're unable to define for yourself what you're doing and why.

I don't get it either. To me, having unprotected sex means you are trying to get pregnant (irrespective of charting, etc).
I certainly considered I was ttc any time I stopped using contraception, even though I wasn't necessarily timing sex or even monitoring my cycle (yet!).
I always think people are living in la-la land when they say they are having unprotected sex but not trying for a baby.
Whether you're bothered about it or not doesn't really impact on your chances of getting pregnant.

I guess those blokes who are like 'we didn't use condoms but We weren't trying to have a baby' are not as dumb arse as I had previously thought.
It seems many women hold the same view too. Who knew?

cavemum - if you have sex without contraception then it's not an accident if you get pregnant, unless you had good reason to believe you weren't fertile.

But if you use contraception and it fails, then that is an accident. It's not something you intended to happen, and you'd taken reasonable actions to prevent it. It does happen and it can be really tough for people when it does.

I realise it's hard for people with fertility problems to deal with that sometimes, but doesn't make it any easier for those who do have to deal with an accidental pregnancy in difficult circumstances. Have a little more compassion for people who face different set of challenges from your own. Saying there's no such thing as an accidental pregnancy is quite insulting really.

Can people really not see the difference between

1 - we're not using contraception but we don't want/expect to get pregnant

and

2 - we're not using contraception because we would be happy to be pregnant, but we're not stressed about it at the moment and just seeing what happens

?

Yes, I can see the difference. But I think both positions are idiotic.

No. Because if you know there are no bars to conception then (1) makes no sense at all

Sorry- poster too soon. Both positions are idiotic if the people concerned say they are not trying to conceive. The second couple obviously are.