'We're not TTC, but we're not using any protection'

[ExplodingCarrots]

WTF does this mean?! I actually can't get my head around it.

I see this on here a lot (once earlier) and now a friend has just said it ...with my response being .

Anyone care to explain it to me?

It's a luxury for those who have youth and no fertility worries.

I thought it was the opposite. 35+s being as relaxed as they can.

We've not used any contraception for a few years - partly because hormonal contraception just doesn't agree with me, and we were really fed up with condoms. I'm 43 now, was late 30s then, and we were of the opinion that if it happened it would be lovely, but we didn't want to go through a rollercoaster of "actively trying" when my age was against us. It didn't happen and we're okay with that - but I suspect we would have been less okay if we'd invested a lot of emotional energy in temperature charts and weeing on sticks.

They're open to having another child, but not actively trying to get one. Not everyone wants to pluck a baby off the metaphorical shelf exactly when they decide they're ready for one (and prevent pregnancy desperately the rest of the time). Apart from anything, it's a lot of pressure and a rather intense way to live. Some people just prefer to let life deal some of the cards.

I see TTC meaning peeing on sticks, insisting on having sex every other day even if one or both of you is not in the mood, maybe changing your diet, cutting out alcohol etc

You see, I'd call that^ TTC+++, or charting/temping or something.

TTC is unprotected sex with intent (in my head).

This was our attitude each time, but each time we stopped using contraception I got preg the first month.

I take it to mean couples that would still be happy if they found out they were pregnant, but aren't actively trying in the sense of scheduling sex around ovulation or anything.

I have however also heard of people complaining about getting pregnant when they never wanted to conceive, even though they regularly weren't using contraception (I.E, I don't just mean making the odd drunk mistake etc). This is just ridiculous in my opinion.

I assume it means letting nature take its course, ie not tracking the most fertile days of the month.

I think that's a newer meaning of Ttc.

If 16 yr Ds was having sex without protection, I'd say 'what's the matter with you, you want a baby?'

Means will be happy if a baby arrives and happy if not. We feel like this with baby 4 so doing same. Charting etc is just stressy.

You can be as "open" to the idea of a pregnancy (or not) as you like but the fact remains that if you having sex and there are no bars to conception then actually you are effectively trying to conceive

Whether you actively think about it is another matter entirely.

Getting pregnant is such a massive life changer, I can't see how people can be relaxed about it happening or not either way.

It means that DH and I would not be upset if we fell pregnant but we are not actively tracking my cycle, using OPKs or becoming obsessed with the process.

I am not actively TTC but we are not using protection.

Turns out my 20's paranoia was unfounded. I am not pregnant!!!

I'm a bit more wiser now

Though I have come across people the same as kit Kat who have said they're Accidently pregnant but wasnt using anything. It's these people I don't understand.

Me and DP are TTC (it's just not happening for us right now ) and the point we have is that if we stop contraception then we want a baby. If people were to ask if Wer trying I'd say yes ..but Wer not doing charts, temperatures etc .

When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much they do a special cuddle and then they make a baby.

Just because you haven't got out the calendar and thermometer doesn't mean you aren't trying to conceive. TTC is having unprotected PIV sex. Your "Mind set" is irrelevant . You are trying to make a baby by doing the thing that makes babies.

You can't get "accidentally" pregnant while having piv either unless you have a reason to believe you are infertile/subfertile.

Yes, it's basically a kind of double-think, isn't it?

shovetheholly/Thurlow - "I think that .. there is a recognised emotional investment in conception that takes its toll. .....and can end in heartbreaking failure after failure of IVF. It's emotionally brutal, in a way that isn't discussed nearly enough.

Simply not using protection [is] a way of keeping that stress, pressure and pain at bay for longer.*

I totally agree with that and have been through all of that and we have two teenage children now. It left a scar though. I don't go on TTC threads. I can see all the various stages of excitement, hope, fear, disappointment on those threads. Its so hard.

I had a friend like that. I talked to her quite a bit about it, as I like to plan my life and struggled to understand her approach. She once said she couldn't really imagine every actually planning to get pregnant, that would just seem something you'd have to have so many things in place for (bigger house, better job, etc) whereas just leaving it to fate some of the time seemed OK to her, and more fun even. I think she also felt it would be tempting fate if she said she was trying to conceive, as what if it didn't happen? She was the sort who wouldn't have enjoyed everyone asking her how it was going, certainly.

Not using contraception is ttc even if you're not actively temperature spotting or trying to establish when you're ovulating etc etc etc.

Let's face it until about twenty years ago ovulation sticks hadn't been invented neither had BBT thermometers or temp charts or any of the things which clear blue and the like now uphold as necessities in the journey towards increasing their profits being able to get pregnant.

Reality is that if you are having regular sex (around three times a week) and you're not using contraception then you will fall pregnant if you both have normal fertility. To suggest that you need to actively ttc is rubbish and just feeds into the need for women to obsess over charting and ovulation and peeing on sticks at great financial expense and often to the detriment of both their own wellbeing and their relationship with their partner.

The guideline for fertility referral is if you haven't been using contraception for a year if under 35 or six months if over 35. If you went to the GP they wouldn't insist that you chart for another year or tell you that not doing so didn't constitute TTC.

Robert Winston who is a fertility expert's assertion for getting pregnant is "have sex, and have it often."

Me and XH TTC for six years and were unsuccessful. During that time we did a bit of everything, although I never did go down the ovulation sticks route. But when I decided that I didn't want to TTC any more the only answer to that should be to start using contraception. If you don't want a baby, then you take precautions not to have one. It's very simple really.

There isn't actually any particularly good evidence that the things people do beyond having unprotected sex when they're "TTC" make much difference.

Sure, if you're only going to have sex once a month then best to try to make it at the approximate time you're ovulating however you calculate that, but it will be an approximate calculation.

We temp and chart and all the rest because it makes us feel like we're a bit more in control of the process and at least doing something, but at the end of the day it's all about sperm meeting egg and outside clinical intervention that only really happens one way.

I also think that the increased coverage of infertility issues in the popular media makes people think it's generally harder to get pregnant than it is, so becoming pregnant via unprotected sex before you actually seriously got down to "TTC" isn't that surprising if you're shagging fairly regularly.

This is what we did, so yes we were TTC but not charting, tracking and all that kind of stuff. Took two years to conceive but we had time on our side so I wasn't worried about it.

Actually BBT and thermometers etc did exist 20 years ago. My mum told me how fed up of it she all got when trying to conceive and I am 37! She didn't in the end and my sister and I are adopted.

I think it means "I am an idiot"

ABetaDad1 - I know. I dipped into some TTC threads on here as we have been TTC recently (actively, which is why I do make a distinction in my mind) and I found them quite difficult to read.