'We're not TTC, but we're not using any protection'

[ExplodingCarrots]

WTF does this mean?! I actually can't get my head around it.

I see this on here a lot (once earlier) and now a friend has just said it ...with my response being .

Anyone care to explain it to me?

Ok, my knowledge may be a bit out of date, but I read somewhere that a couple with no fertility issues should pretty much be pregnant within six months, with a normal level of shagging. Presumably that is an average; quicker if you are younger, slightly longer if you are older.

So if you don't use contraception, then you are pretty likely to have a baby, everything being in working order. If you are not using contraception, then I would further argue that you shouldn't be drinking or taking drugs and you should be taking folic acid and eating healthily.

And I agree with the poster up thread who thinks TTC is a handle on which manufacturers try to peddle us all sorts of conception aids that the vast majority will have absolutely no need of.

For me it was code for "we are TTC but I am going to pretend to myself that I haven't made the decision to TTC yet because I'm not completely certain I'm ready (and never will be)". But then when I moved in with my boyfriend (who had been asking me to move in for a while) I told him it was just a trial for a week...I never left and now he is DH and we have two DCs; I think I was just a bit scared to really commit to the big "moving in" thing and it was easier to pretend it wasn't as serious as it was. Maybe it's a sign of immaturity...I've definitely grown up a lot now!

We're not TTC but not using protection, if it happens it happens......

To me TTC means having sex with the intention of getting pregnant. Tracking best days to DTD, having regular sex (we only really do it about once a week, due to DH's shifts) ect.

I don't understand why it's so hard to understand?

VagueIdeas of COURSE there are different degrees of TTC! So there's no difference to me and my DH (please see my post above), and a couple undergoing IVF?

When friends used to ask if we were trying for DC2 I used to respond that we wanted another, and although we weren't actively trying we weren't not trying either. We wanted another but were willing to leave it to fate rather than an App. It seemed to make perfect sense to them as they were/are all doing the full-on charting kinda TTC. I wouldn't just have blurted in out randomly to people but it makes sense in the context of their and our lives. Of course we were trying, but in a very haphazard way. The plan was to reassess 6 months down the line and start methodically TTC if it hadn't happened.
As it happens there really wasn't even much 'trying' in our lazy approach to TTC in the end, 6 weeks in and 3 lots of dtd later I was up the duff DH has volunteered for the snip after this one, as two is enough for us and I clearly seem to fall pregnant the moment my ovaries set eyes upon his sperm. DD was the result of a one-off contraceptive failure...

I agree with 19lottie82

It's not black and white.

Sometimes people hope they get away with it if they have sex without protection. They get a bit carried away and then stick their heads in the sand. They think 'I've just had/am on my period' or 'I'm breastfeeding' or 'it was only a bit'.

There are reasons why some choose withdrawal rather than condoms (latex issues/comfort) or the pill (horrmonal/health issues). Lots of us are 'accidental' babies!

And...you can still get pregnant if you are using contraception. The condom can split. You're sick but forget and your pill is ineffective. So anyone having sex is basically stepping into the ring concerning pregnancy - just that you greatly reduce the likelihood on contraception.

Also they might want a baby but aren't ready to admit it to their partner...or themselves to a certain extent.

It doesn't matter what ttc means to anyone.
If you have unprotected sex you might get pregnant or get someone pregnant. It works, I have four children and according to most of these interpretations was only ttc one of them.
Saying you are regularly having unprotected sex but not trying to get pregnant is as daft as saying you are trying to get pregnant but regularly using contraception.

I have a friend who has never used contraception at all, but would be very 'surprised' if she got pregnant. I have come to the conclusion that it isn't logical for some people, and it's all bound up in their emotions and what desires they are really expressing out loud. Sadly for her, despite never using contraception with any of her boyfriends, she never has conceived which makes me think there's a fertility issue there.

Like others, I didn't plan/ovulation charts when we decided to conceive. We discussed it, I came off the Pill. The action was in stopping contraception and having sex!

So many people say their babies came as a surprise/shock, some clearly are (genuinely using contraception properly, perhaps sick/antibiotics) but clearly many are not, or at least not reliably enough to be surprised when they get pregnant.

I also don't know why people don't use two types of contraception (doesn't have to be Pill, could be abstaining at fertile times and condoms) - that's what I did when I really really didn't want to be pregnant. This doesn't apply to people allergic to latex/the Pill, but this should be a minority.

Its what we did from ds2 onward. (16 years ago)
I would have been happy with a 3rd but I'm equally happy with 2.

DP and I are not TTC, nor are we using contraception. We have sex because we love having sex, not to have a baby.

BUT - anyone who IS having sex, no matter how relaxed or laissez-faire their attitude to kids, IS likely to get pregnant. You may not be emotionally/physically taking active steps, but any adult having unprotected sex is effectively trying.

It's more the opposite way around that's true - you have TRY to NOT have a baby. Any adult having sex can end up becoming a parent, even if they use multiple forms of contraception. To have sex without contraception = having a baby.

So people should saying "we're not trying to not have a baby", ie, we're no longer actively avoiding having a baby. Anything else IS trying to have a baby. I don't see how people can disconnect having sex with having a baby. I know that not all sex leads to a baby, but unless you're taking proper steps to prevent pregnancy, then having sex = trying for a baby.

DH and I have sex because we love having sex. We use contraception because we don't want anymore children.

I am actually a bit shocked that people are so casual about their family planning.

I think the danger is that some young people seem to genuinely believe that you can't get pregnant unless you are actually trying to conceive. If you get pregnant by having sex without contraception, then it was "an accident" and in no way your fault.

And yes, my student daughter does use two forms of contraception.

To me it means if you aren't 100% sure you want a baby you better get there quick...

I assume to others it means just dtd unprotected and not charting etc. I called that ttc though.

Hormonal contraception didn't agree with me - I simply didn't like the way I felt on it (it seemed to mess with my anxiety). Neither of us liked condoms. I had been with DH (DP at the time) eight years when we decided to come off contraception. While we didn't want to have a child at that stage, we would have been fine with it if it had happened.

I tracked my ovulation and we didn't have sex during that window. It's not a full proof way of contraception but worked well for us. We decided a year ago we would like to have a child but didn't really get down to having sex often enough during my fertile window until we went on holiday. We conceived on that holiday and I'm now pregnant.

It worked out so well for us but I wouldn't recommend anyone did it that way if they aren't in a stable relationship!

Que sera sera.

For me, I said this when I had just had a miscarriage and the idea of actually trying (and admitting that we were trying) was too scary. I was trying though and thankfully succeeded :-)

Not everyone needs contraception to avoid having babies. In my situation, we would need help (not just tracking) to get pregnant. So we are not TTC and we are not using contraception. We are not being "idiotic".

Dione, it seems clear to me that this conversation is about couples who have no known problems conceiving.

This is bizarre. There seem to be lots of people here who think "not trying to have a baby" means exactly the same thing as "trying not to have a baby".

They are different things. You can not be trying to to have a baby, but be happy if you end up with one anyway (good result). Or you could be trying not to have a baby, but end up with one (bad result).

The OP's example means the former, IMO. If you're ttc, you have a preferred result (pregnancy). If you're not ttc, you don't have a preferred result (so it's perfectly good family planning). A baby would be fine; not having a baby would also be fine. How is that a reckless attitude to contraception or not recognising the risk of pregnancy??

No problems that are known to the OP. Not everyone who has low/no fertility considers it a problem and many of them do not consider it to be anyone else's business, so don't volunteer the info. There have been many good posts here explaining why people don't use contraception and say they are not TTC. It's not that they are being "idiotic".

I used to say this, it was my way of saying:

1. It's none of your business to know if we are actively trying for a baby or not
2. If we do fall pregnant at some time in the near future it won't have been a mistake

And generally it could mean someone is not preventing a pregnancy but not actively trying I.e planning sex around ovulation.

Quite simple really.