'We're not TTC, but we're not using any protection'

[ExplodingCarrots]

WTF does this mean?! I actually can't get my head around it.

I see this on here a lot (once earlier) and now a friend has just said it ...with my response being .

Anyone care to explain it to me?

We spent over 4 years ttc, with tests and 12 rounds of unsuccessful fertility treatment. We then resigned ourselves to not having a baby so we stopped 'trying' but we didn't start to use contraception. That's when DD decided to put in an appearance

Congrats !

I don't actually care what people call it. I want everyone to get what they want when they want it. But the fact remains that it doesn't make sense

The intended purpose of going outside is not to get wet. The intended purpose of PIV is to make a baby, short of actively avoiding it.. you are always trying to conceive.

Nooooo , when we weren't using protection but not TTC we were mostly just enjoying not using any contraception. It was lovely for both of us. We obviously didn't mind at all if I got pregnant but we mostly just having sex for fun.

Sex for fun still has the potential to make a baby. Barring any factors that make it not possible.

Bertrand.
Why do you think option 2 is idiotic? I can see option 1 is idiotic but what's wrong with option 2.

1 is idiotic. 2 is just a different personal interpretation of the phrase "TTC". Which, if you look at the TTC boards, carries a lot more weight and effort for some people than it does for others.

Interesting as this debate is (and as much as I'm explaining my interpretation of a phrase), I can't see why people are so bothered that some other people have a slightly different interpretation of a single phrase than other people do.

Thurlow's first couple are clearly a pair of idiots, I don't think anyone would argue otherwise.

what's wrong with just letting the second couple rut away like a pair of beasts without the constant assumption that they must be trying for something? maybe they just like shagging. and love each other. and a child would be a thrilling, joyous, amazing thing but if it doesn't happen, they aren't unsuccessful or incomplete. and they probably have more time for shagging

Yes I agree OP. I'm always a bit when people say they've got pregnant "accidentally" and then it turns out they weren't using contraception and hadn't been for months.

I would interpret TTC as tracking ovulation, making sure to have sex at certain times, etc etc. As opposed to just stopping protection and seeing what happens.

We were in the latter camp. We are both prone to stress and overthinking things, so didn't want to fuel that fire. So once we were in a position to care for a child, we lost the protection, had lots of lovely sex, and luckily and happily for us, DS turned up a few months later. And now we shall never ever have so again without looking like Leslie Neilson in that full body condom

what's wrong with just letting the second couple rut away like a pair of beasts without the constant assumption that they must be trying for something? maybe they just like shagging. and love each other. and a child would be a thrilling, joyous, amazing thing but if it doesn't happen, they aren't unsuccessful or incomplete. and they probably have more time for shagging - I think that sums up pefectly how my friend felt about it whiffle If you're trying to do something, and it doesn't happen, then you've failed haven't you?

It could be for religious reasons They're just leaving it up to nature.. ie the Catholic religion you're not supposed to use contraception because as its "your duty" to produce future little Catholics, people obviously still use contraception though, after all the Pope is not going to keep your children is he.

Mary, you've just fixed school sex ed there

When we TTC we plotted dates for ovulation. I wouldn't consider not using protection as actively trying more of a "if it happens, it happens!"

squash - who are you to tell someone else what the intended purpose of them having sex is? You might be intending to get pregnant when you have sex, but they might be intending to have a good time. Only the person doing it can tell you what their intention is.

I'm a human with a basic understanding of biology. If you don't want to get pregnant you have to avoid pregnancy. Notice, none of the "Not ttc" people here have said they don't want a baby. It's mentally not trying to trying to not psych yourself up..which is FINE. But still doesn't make sense for you to actually say out loud.

I'm 46. If I was TTC, I would be taking a lot of active measures to ensure I got pg. I don't use contraception, and would be very happy to have another baby, but it's pretty unlikely to happen. So, IMO, it would be RIDICULOUS if I went round telling people I was TTC, despite not using contraception.

The situation would be very different if I was 30 years younger, obvs.

at mary

No, 1 is I thought that not-wanting-a-baby would make my sperm recoil from her egg.

2 is just not stressing about whether you get pregnant or not. 2 means you'll be very happy to be pregnant. You're just not doing what for you would be really actively trying i.e. shagging like bunnies every other day and temping like a loon.

I just don't like the word trying I suppose.

like every month that went by without a pregnancy I'd be thinking, "oh I guess all that sex we've been having didn't have the desired effect".

when in actual fact it did. I had loving, consensual and pleasurable sex. it's just that one of the potential side effects of the sex didn't materialise.

We are not ttc and don't use contraception. We know it won't happen.

I'm sorry, honking.

But there is that - there are couples who know they cannot get pregnant so don't need to use contraception. Are they also TTC because they are not on the pill?

I totally get you OP.

If you've made an active decision to stop using contraception you are TTC.

You can be totally casual about it and it's still TTC.

TTC doesn't mean you have to chart and use ovulation tests. There aren't different degrees of TTC.

I always find "not trying not preventing" a really strange concept. I actually think it's more to do with the couple not wanting to pressure themselves. It's reverse psychology almost.