More a WWYD - Wife's make-up

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Hoping for some world advice from the MN jury here

My wife went out last night to a formal black-tie dinner (work related - posh professional do). She booked in to one of those places before she came home to change - the type that will style your hair and do your make-up. She wore one of her many elegant dresses, and had by all accounts an enjoyable time. I told her she looked lovely.

Now, here's the dilemma. I thought that she had too much make-up on, and I wasn't too impressed with her hair as well.

She is one of those women who wears no make-up on a day to day basis. It suits her. When she puts make-up on herself, and styles her own hair, it is very understated, elegant, and she really looks, to me, the most beautiful woman in the world. It suits her personality. I thought last night's make-up hid her natural beauty, the eye make-up was too severe, and it almost felt like whoever applied it, felt she needed more on to try and hide her age (I seem to recall last time this happened my wife saying something similar). Don't get me wrong here - she doesn't need to hide her age. She's late 40s, and has a lovely complexion. Although it's not the complexion of a 20 year old, she needs very little make-up to look her best.

So - do I mention this to her, as above, or do I say nothing?

Up to her what she does with her own face.

FGS. Give over. YABU.

This is the kind of nonsense I hate about relationships. The OP sounds controlling in a passive aggressive way. I want my partner to look like this and when they deviate from what I like, I get on the Internet and ask advice if I should tell them they looked awful, and not as I think they should.

This is the kind of nonsense I hate about relationships. The OP sounds controlling in a passive aggressive way. I want my partner to look like this and when they deviate from what I like, I get on the Internet and ask advice if I should tell them they looked awful, and not as I think they should.

Gawd, some of you to need to lighten up !

Talk about intense, earnest, lack of perspective.....I could go on.

The chap just asked if he should mention that he preferred his wife with low-key make up to full slap.

It's hardly Trident , is it?

Gawd, some of you to need to lighten up !

Talk about intense, earnest, lack of perspective.....I could go on.

The chap just asked if he should mention that he preferred his wife with low-key make up to full slap.

It's hardly Trident , is it?

I'm really struggling to see where the OP is controlling.

I'm really struggling to see where the OP is controlling.

I'm really struggling to see where the OP is controlling.

Hey OP, My OH hasn't commented on my appearance uninvited but he has taken his opportunities. I once said I didn't think a colour suited me and responded quickly! That was ok to me!

I very rarely wear make-up either OP, I can't stand the feel of it on my skin and I'd just feel really uncomfortable.

My husband also prefers it this way and why shouldn't he? Why shouldn't he be able to express a preference on my appearance? Oh wait, on Mumsnet that would be seen as being 'controlling' (the new flipping buzzword on here)

If I walked into the room with a full face of makeup and HD eyebrows for the very first time in our married life (of 20 years) then he would almost certainly say something after he had stopped laughing

Similarly, if he changed something drastic about his appearance, I would probably comment on it too.

Hopefully it's a one off

There is something odd about this post, I can't imagine being that invested in giving my husband my opinion on his look days after the event.

That said, I am very honest with him clothes-wise, and he with me. He'd like me to wear more colours and dresses (I don't) and I think he looks better in smarter clothes and looks too scruffy sometimes (he has partly changed).

I think it depends on the nature of your relationship, and also about how good your interpersonal skills are- if you are mostly complimentary, then it can be fine to throw in an honest answer every now and again. Too often and it's rude and not supportive.

I can't imagine, though, that your wife/partner is soliciting an opinion now, if she was she would have asked. It will look odd if you start going on about it days after the event.

Reminds me of the only time I let someone else do my make-up. (I don't usually wear make-up and have no idea how to do it).

It was horribly yellowish and everyone in the family agreed my mother or sister could have done better.

Don't be afraid to tell her if she considers going to that place again. After all "I think you do it better yourself" is not an insult.

Though I suspect that she noticed herself that it's not really her style and will avoid it in the future - at least that's what I would do, as I usually don't care what others think.

I wouldn't mind at all if my DH said that he preferred me with more or less make up just as I would tell him if I thought he would look better in a different outfit. It's not controlling to offer an opinion unless you are expecting for the person to act on it.

I dye my hair all sorts of interesting colours and my DH prefers it less crazy looking but he wouldn't dream of telling me to change it and he wouldn't dream of criticising me in a way that makes me feel bad. The most important thing to him is that I'm happy.

Having said that I don't suppose there is much point of the OP saying anything to his wife.

I think the OP sounds thoughtful.

My husband also prefers it this way and why shouldn't he? Why shouldn't he be able to express a preference on my appearance? Oh wait, on Mumsnet that would be seen as being 'controlling' (the new flipping buzzword on here)

So it seems! No one would raise an eyebrow at a woman coming on and saying 'I hate my husband's suit that he has bought for a work thing... can I say something?' In fact, it's accepted as an article of faith that a wife is entitled to interfere in her husband's wardrobe choices (I know I do).

My husband and I comment on each other's appearances, 95% positive ('you look hot!') but I will not hesitate to tell him if I hate something he has bought, and I'd hope he would tell me if I had gone overboard on makeup.

vestal - I had make up done by someone at a dept store make up counter once - came out looking like this:

Not a look I was going for! Got back to work (had gone in lunchtime) and scrubbed it all straight off again.

Jesus. We seem to have found ourselves back in the 1950s.

OP - HER face, HER make up. Your opinion is of absolutely no importance here whatsoever. If my DH tried to tell me what to do with my face or hair I would tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

OP, my DH prefers a less obviously made up look and often says he loves my natural look.

However, for women , makeup is a personal thing and is most often about how it makes us feel rather than how it makes us look.

If your DW didn't feel good, she won't go for that look again. If she does, you say nothing and smile.

You're welcome

Oh dear ThumbWitches I was given the 'Aunt Sally' look too in a department store, the eyes weren't quite as bad but I stupidly asked for a bit of blusher because I wasn't confident about applying it.

That reference to the 1950's is the MN variation on Godwin's law.

If my DH tried to tell me what to do with my face or hair I would tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

I find this just incredibly weird. I really thought it was normal for married people to pay each other compliments and conversely, make the odd suggestion here and there.

What do you make of the fact that I refuse to go out with my husband when he's in my most hated suit (too flashy). Am I controlling?

Oh my god DO NOT SAY ANYTHING!! I would be gutted if I was told AFTER the party! No no no, can't you hear all the alarms going off?? If she asks you say she looked lovely!

I tell my husband how I like him to look frankly and quite frequently. Even his face (in fact mostly his face). Why shouldn't I? I look at his face more often than he does after all. When he shaved his beard off to try a mustache I gave him my frank opinion about that too

I know his views on my face too. As he likes me just the way I am, that works for me, but I'm interested in his thoughts about my hair (I don't wear make up) and the other day when he told me that he didn't like either of the dresses I most recently wore I wasn't upset either.

We both take each others views into account, but fundamentally do what we want. To me this is a fairly healthy approach, but then neither of us have major hang ups about how we look (past our best in both cases, but that's just life really).

Shocking, isn't it Donkeys!
I don't know how the girl did it but I actually had blobs of mascara on the end of each eyelash as well, it was awful.

Don't mention it now, but if in the future she mentions going back to the same place, maybe say that in your opinion, although she did look beautiful after going there, you've seen her with understated looks which you think bring out her natural beauty even more.
My dh thinks I look better without much makeup too - I think this is quite common, and is probably connected to loving the inner person. It doesn't bother me he thinks this - it's sweet - and I still sometimes wear make-up, but it's handy to have someone you can talk to about things like this who you know will give an honest (to them) answer, but also thinks you're great, iyswim!