More a WWYD - Wife's make-up

[Collaborate]

Hoping for some world advice from the MN jury here

My wife went out last night to a formal black-tie dinner (work related - posh professional do). She booked in to one of those places before she came home to change - the type that will style your hair and do your make-up. She wore one of her many elegant dresses, and had by all accounts an enjoyable time. I told her she looked lovely.

Now, here's the dilemma. I thought that she had too much make-up on, and I wasn't too impressed with her hair as well.

She is one of those women who wears no make-up on a day to day basis. It suits her. When she puts make-up on herself, and styles her own hair, it is very understated, elegant, and she really looks, to me, the most beautiful woman in the world. It suits her personality. I thought last night's make-up hid her natural beauty, the eye make-up was too severe, and it almost felt like whoever applied it, felt she needed more on to try and hide her age (I seem to recall last time this happened my wife saying something similar). Don't get me wrong here - she doesn't need to hide her age. She's late 40s, and has a lovely complexion. Although it's not the complexion of a 20 year old, she needs very little make-up to look her best.

So - do I mention this to her, as above, or do I say nothing?

ready, I'm sorry, I've already said, I really really didn't mean that seriously.

I am sure the OP is a delightful person, that his wife is an elegant and stylish woman, and that everyone on the thread is pleasant and cheerful. Happy?

OP Warning: This is dangerous territory and won't go down well!

My advice would be to compliment what you do like about her appearance and leave it at that. You've said some lovely things about your wife and it would probably make her day to hear them.

You did what you did the time (unless she looked like a pantomime dame in which case you should've said at the time), I can see no good coming from bringing her down now by telling her she didn't look as good as you said she did.

To be fair to the OP.

My DH doesn't like the current fashion for very heavy make up either (neither do I)

And being a very open and communicative couple he'd say so at the time. However if I didn't agree I'd happily keep the make up on.

I don't think the OP is "over invested" in how his wife looks or odd for noticing get make up. My DH always notices if I change my look - I'd find it odd if he didn't TBH. I notice and comment on his stuff too.

I agree with everyone else though, comments after the fact aren't useful.

wow I would be incredibly hurt and.feel.embarrssee/ashamed to know I was waltzing around feeling good, and now know my dh was looking at me thinking ' I really do not like how she looks tonight' — cant see how telling her that would end well!! I would advise to drop in a few comments here and there about how naturally beautiful you find her and how you are so glad she does not need tonnes of slap ☺

I think its the fashion now to have quite harsh eye makeup in particular, scouse brows, heavy smoky eyes, false lashes, so make up girl was probably going with the latest trends.

If its an evening do, your DW probably could pull off the heavy makeup and it won't look as bad in photos if there were any. I can out in what I think is heavy (for me) evening makeup and then a photo will come out and it'll look like I'm hardly wearing any!

Really, just let it go, she may have formed her own opinions on the matter... but frankly, once you're all dolled up for a night out, you can't be redoing your makeup at the last minute so she may have just gone with it regardless of whether she liked it or not.

I wouldn't say anything about it unless she asks but I would compliment her next time she does her own makeup on how beautiful she looks.
Yes it's her face and her decision but you are allowed to have an opinion, you just need to be careful about when and how you share it.

I did that once. I looked like a drag queen. Hideous. My husband thought it was hilarious.

Sorry trying to type with a broken finger

My partner says he likes me best wearing his shirt with bed hair and no makeup and I wouldn't go to a dinner and dance like that.
Heavy evening makeup looks very strange in natural light anyway.

Slightly going against the grain. I would have wanted my husband to tell me at the time. Not afterwards as I'd then worry I'd looked like a fool.

My husband and I look out for each other this way - we can spot clothes that the other would love in shops, know what kind of perfumes / aftershaves we like, and I would absolutely want him to tell me if I had paid a lot of money to look good and I didn't. In saying that, I would have the confidence to disagree with him and feel happy with myself if I loved what the make up artist had done.

You need to be ready to tell her the truth in the moment, not after.

It's definitely a thing at the moment to wear tons of makeup! Your wife's makeup artist was just following current trends. It will pass, hopefully.

I would imagine that if the OP's DW rarely wears a lot of makeup then the difference when she does would be completely noticeable. If you are used to seeing someone look a certain way, then when they change that look drastically by applying a lot more makeup than usual (or having someone else apply it as in the OP's wife's case) your preference for how they usually look would surely be normal.

I don't wear makeup, ever. I am quite unattractive enough without it, no amount of makeup is going to change that. but if I ever did decide to go to one of those salon type places and have makeup applied I am sure that people who are used to seeing me without would notice instantly, purely by definition of the fact that they're used to seeing me a different way iyswim.

Op as others have said I wouldn't offer the opinion unsolicited at this stage. But if it came up in conversation you could still voice a preference for the fact you like the look she has when she does her own hair/makeup over when she had it professionally done, that way you can state your preference for what you did like without actually saying that you didn't like the other look. Iyswim.

I agree comments after the event aren't ever going to go down well.

I really don't get some PPs saying OP is over invested in his wife's appearance, or is controlling etc etc. OP sounds quite lovely to me! And if I switch it around, I like it when my DP looks good too. I would be quite sad if he e.g. shaved off his beard, as I think he looks quite gorgeous in it. That doesn't stop it being his choice at all, and if he wanted to that would be fine of course. But I don't think I'm being at all weird or controlling to think I'd be a bit sad if it happened. Not sobbing sad, just "oh, wish he hadn't done that, " sort of sad.

Yes, say nothing. Maybe just tell her how lovely her dress looked but don't mention how lovely the make up was!!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have an opinion. And it's also perfectly reasonable to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable by a partner's choice of clothes, hairstyle, make up etc - both genders.

Maybe the way to go is to say to her- next time she does her own make up- that you think she loves lovely with a bit of subtle make up. And perhaps very gently suggest that you prefer the low-key look to the look she had done for the 'do'. You could compliment her on being able to do a good job of it herself...

If she says she can't do her own make up well, then maybe encourage her to have some make-overs at the many beauty counters in stores where they can give her a subtle but polished look if she lacks confidence in using make up- that's a thread for the Style & Beauty forum here!

And yes, I should tell DP more often how good he looks, as I'm sure the OP does to his DW.

Ickythump - surely the 'truth' about her make up is entirely subjective?

Collaborate I honestly had no idea you were male

I think the way you describe your DW is just lovely, and clearly you have the utmost respect for her. I do sometimes think that "makeovers" can be a little over the top and perhaps not suited to some people, however, maybe she just felt she wanted to be a bit more daring and experiment a little.

I would say absolutely nothing now, it's too late and she will worry that she didn't look lovely on the night. I would work on how to approach this if the situation arises again. I would hope that any man in my life would be honest with me if they felt I looked like a dog's dinner overdone. I would cross that bridge when you come to it...

OP, are you Don Tillman?

Collaborate You sound a lovely person and I'm sure your DW appreciate any comments you make. Maybe it's too late to make any comment but the fact you didn't say anything at the time because you knew she didn't have time to change anything speaks volume imo.

As for myself, I would love my DH to make any comment about how maybe the makeup doen't quite suit me or that the person applying the make up wasn't that great. I mean, if your own husband isn't allowed to do so (as it looks like from all the comments on this thread), who on earth can do so??

And yes I also appreciate that sometimes I get things wrong and I much prefer someone telling me rather than letting me make a fool of myself 'because I didn't ask their opinions'.

Which then takes me to the next comment.
See how your relationship normally works collaborate? Is it normal to make comment about how good/bad the hairdresser has been, how lovely she looks in xx dress etc? Are the comments welcome (because they are made with care and love, not to put her down or criticse) or would she be unhappy?
Deepending on what is normal in your relationhsip, then see if it's OK to make a comment.
Personnally, I would have an issue with my Dh making a comment aog the libnes of 'I'm not keen with the beautician you saw this time. I think you make a better job yourself/the person who did your make up last time was much better. What do you think?' The idea been that then she can chose someone else to do it next time she wants to iyswim.
Of course, if the idea is just to tell her she didn't look that great, then leave it :)

Ahh, so this is one of those.

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Actually, yes.
OP: OMG YOU BUNCH OF WEIRDOS, HOW CAN YOU THINK IABU AND SUGGEST SUCH EXTREME CHANGES?

Oh it is so not! I don't normally comment and I have absolutely nothing to say to the OP here, but I was reading every post until I got to the above. You must have posted on the wrong thread. All I read was

OP:AIBU?
Everyone:Actually, yes.
OP: OK, thanks everyone. I totally take on board what you say and will say nothing to my wife.

I wouldn't say anything at all about it now.

BUT if she were to ever mention that she was going to use that service again, I'd just say something along the lines of how you think she does a better job herself, actually, (although if she wants to pay to have someone else do the work, then fine, so be it.)

Dumbledoresgirl...YES YES YES!!

OP you did right thing. My guess is your wife silently agrees with you, but having shelled out for the makeover probably decided to leave it as was. I had a disastrous haircut and colour last year - I knew it was disastrous, but had to live with it through my holiday and later a huge family event. DH said I looked lovely (which I really needed him to say) - I won't be going back there and doing that again, I didn't need him to tell me I needed him to say I looked lovely. I think the time to say anything (if ever) is if she suggests going back there for the makeover next time you go out - in which case you could say "Actually I think you look even more gorgeous when you do it yourself" - though if she really, really loved it there's not much you can do about it.