More a WWYD - Wife's make-up

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Hoping for some world advice from the MN jury here

My wife went out last night to a formal black-tie dinner (work related - posh professional do). She booked in to one of those places before she came home to change - the type that will style your hair and do your make-up. She wore one of her many elegant dresses, and had by all accounts an enjoyable time. I told her she looked lovely.

Now, here's the dilemma. I thought that she had too much make-up on, and I wasn't too impressed with her hair as well.

She is one of those women who wears no make-up on a day to day basis. It suits her. When she puts make-up on herself, and styles her own hair, it is very understated, elegant, and she really looks, to me, the most beautiful woman in the world. It suits her personality. I thought last night's make-up hid her natural beauty, the eye make-up was too severe, and it almost felt like whoever applied it, felt she needed more on to try and hide her age (I seem to recall last time this happened my wife saying something similar). Don't get me wrong here - she doesn't need to hide her age. She's late 40s, and has a lovely complexion. Although it's not the complexion of a 20 year old, she needs very little make-up to look her best.

So - do I mention this to her, as above, or do I say nothing?

Sorry to have an opinion
Well at least you look properly when she says 'how do I look'.

How would you feel if she told you that last week when you went out you didn't look as good as usual?

To be honest, I'd take account of it.

Have already accepted I should say nothing unless she straps me in a chair and waterboards me to force an opinion.

I actually understand your point here. Mainly because I used to be a singer and sometimes I had to get this kind of thing done for professional reasons and a few times I ended up looking frankly, well, weird, and not like myself at all. It also happened a few years ago when I was going to a May Ball and put myself in the hands of someone else for posh hair.

Lots of make up artists overdo it and sometimes if you go to a hairdresser for an up-do, they can go a bit far as well. It is all down to not knowing the client properly.

DH (who can be very diplomatic) once said to me on such an occasion that he was a bit thrown, as it didn't look like me. That got me back on track and I realised he meant I had let someone plaster on the slap and going too far.

What is it you're actually concerned about? Why did you want to tell her? Did she say she was happy with it?

Ahh, so this is one of those.

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Actually, yes.
OP: OMG YOU BUNCH OF WEIRDOS, HOW CAN YOU THINK IABU AND SUGGEST SUCH EXTREME CHANGES?
Everyone:

It's nice to try different looks.

My DH would say the same as you, but, on occasion, I liked the full on make up look.

You generally don't pay to get your make up done, to 'look natural' and it doesn't really matter what your opinion is, when you aren't even going out with her.

I'm just asking because if really was awful she maybe does need to know so she can find someone else for next time.

Don't say anything. If she went out like that the chances are she was pleased with it and felt great. If she agreed with you she'd have probably come home and scrubbed her face and washed her hair again before going out.

Where do you get that from jeanne? The op has said he won't say anything to his wife and acknowledged the unanimous verdict.

It was the waterboarding comment, long.

If she mentions it then you could say "you prefer it when she does it". But otherwise I would not say anything.

Has she said she really likes it and wants her make up like that all the time? If not I can't understand why you would feel the need to say something. Even if she did its up to her isn't it. Just don't say anything!

He was saying he agreed and would keep very quiet unless under torture, FFS

And it's lovly to hear that you like they way you wife looks.

I'm fairly sure that was tongue in cheek. Probably a reaction to the fact that he said fair enough I won't say anything and then people still piled on to hammer home his unreasonableness, as tends to happen on aibu.

JeanneDeMontbaston Maybe the thread you read in the parallel universe you inhabit had me responding OMG YOU BUNCH OF WEIRDOS, HOW CAN YOU THINK IABU AND SUGGEST SUCH EXTREME CHANGES? - but not this one. Sorry to disappoint - or did you mean to post on another thread?

I think that commenting after the event is poor because if you originally told her she looked lovely and she had enjoyed the evening, it will be like a bucket of cold water hearing this now.

It would only be appropriate to make a remark if she expressed uncertainty and/or asked you for your opinion.

Im curious why you have considered telling her? It does come across that you dont like it but you havent mentioned whether she liked it?

Yes, boffin ... that's why I kinda thought it'd be ok to joke about it.

Ok, I clearly completely missed my tone there.

I wasn't being serious. I thought you weren't either.

OP, I think you're getting an incredibly hard time on here. It's lovely that you think your wife is beautiful "just as she is". But it's also fantastic for a woman to sometimes experiment with a new look, even if it seems OTT to you.

Agree with everyone on here to keep schtum, though.

Jeanne, the OP was making a flippant joke, which under the circumstances I understand. He's taken the opinions on board with thanks.

it will be like a bucket of cold water hearing this now

Yes - I see this now, and that's the last thing I would want to do.

For all those who've mentioned it, I didn't say anything at the time because she had no time to do anything about it. However she felt about it, I wanted her to feel good about herself.

DH and I occasionally disagree on how entirely fabulous my clothes, hair and make up look, particularly if it's the kind of event you describe where the temptation to pile on the slap can be difficult to resist.

However, he knows better not to voice his unsolicited opinion. If I ask, fair enough, but if I don't and then go out looking over done with too much blusher, or whatever - my problem. Clearly I don't mind, and if he's embarrassed by my Aunt Sally cheeks he is welcome to stay at home. Of course you shouldn't tell her - why would you want to hurt her feelings? Especially if she felt confident at the time.

I assume that you got married a while ago, if you are now in your late forties? In which case she was undoubtedly applying quite different make up on your wedding day.

Please don't say anything. Your opinion of her looking 'her very best' might well be at odds with her own.

it will be like a bucket of cold water hearing this now

Yes - I see this now, and that's the last thing I would want to do.

For all those who've mentioned it, I didn't say anything at the time because she had no time to do anything about it. However she felt about it, I wanted her to feel good about herself.