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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect wedding guests to book a room at the hotel we've booked for exclusive use not the hotel down the road

423 replies

maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 19:04

So we're getting married.... we have booked an exclusive use hotel which means we will be charged for all rooms that are not filled. The wedding is on a Sunday so quite a few guests are going home on the Sunday night and not staying over. That I don't have a problem with. But one couple have booked two nights in the sister hotel to our hotel (so similar prices) as they could not book a room on the Saturday (as it is being used for another wedding). Despite knowing we will have to pay for all the rooms in 'our' hotel they are refusing to move hotels as they don't want the inconvenience.

I probably am BU as I know it was our choice to take the risk of an exclusive, and they can stay wherever they want, but as we will likely not fill more than half of the rooms we are facing a massive bill now (like 1.5k) and it just seems a bit unfair if they're staying in the sister hotel down the road just because they can't /don't want to move on the morning of the wedding.

Really wish I had not booked an exclusive venue now, especially on a Sunday night.

OP posts:
Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 20:01

So mumsnet - my moral compass for the moment - would it be rude for me to go to the people who've booked cheaper hotels on the sunday night and offer them a room at the same price in the venue hotel? Will save them having to faff about with taxis etc.

Honestly I shouldn't have done this as I now feel like a hotelier trying to sell rooms to guests rather than a bride to be getting excited about her wedding.

We only booked Sunday to save money but if we end up paying for the unfilled rooms it will have been a total false economy.

OP posts:
Wombatinabathhat · 25/02/2016 20:02

maggie I said it was 'bad enough that guests had to pay to stay over'. I did not mean that you should pay, but you should bare it in mind when expecting guests to then transfer between hotels. I attended a wedding of a relative last summer. We travelled over 100 miles. I paid for new outfit, DH bought a new suit, we paid to stay in the exclusive hotel booked by said relative (£100). It was an afternoon into evening wedding. We arrived when told, but had to wait nearly 2 hours for room to be ready and then rush to get ready in time. Bar was extortionate (£9.00 for one g&t) and they asked for cash for a wedding gift. It cost a bloody fortune

bunique · 25/02/2016 20:03

We arranged exclusive use of all the rooms for our wedding but the venue said any not booked before the wedding (maybe 4 weeks before) would be made available to the general public. No loss on either side. Your venue have been cheeky.

GingerLDN · 25/02/2016 20:03

No way would I want to travel, stay one night somewhere, get ready for the wedding then tidy/pack up and traipse my luggage to another hotel in the hope that I could check in at whatever time I needed to and travel again the following day. That's a big inconvenience. I'd be happy to travel for the wedding but not to go through extra hassle so I could fill a room.

George2014 · 25/02/2016 20:05

This is the risk you run having a Sunday wedding - people won't make a weekend of it unfortunately and will do whatever is easy for them to be back at work on the Monday. I've been to one or two weddings on a Sunday and people do tend to leave early.

I friend actually wanted my teacher hubby to throw a sickie the day after her wedding because he didn't have the option of annual leave...we didn't. We didn't stay late, drove home at about 8pm and both went to work the next day.

Chamonix1 · 25/02/2016 20:06

What? YABU!

Sunshine87 · 25/02/2016 20:07

In effect you might of been the same price or cheaper to book the saturday with you folking out on the rooms. Its not a case of just people getting time off they have limited annual leave or the school run(if not half term )

JenEric · 25/02/2016 20:07

It's not that it is bad to expect people to pay at stay over but it can be very expensive to attend an out of town wedding. Outfits, gift, travel, hotel all adds up very fast.

If you know you are paying X amount for the hotel regardless could you offer guests a discount? So basically say we can offer rooms in the hotel we are getting married in at X cost? where X cost is say £30 or £40 instead of £50? Offering this may be enough to enable more people to stay over and then you at least recoup some costs?

rookiemere · 25/02/2016 20:08

OP there's nothing to stop you suggesting that to people. If they are staying over anyway they might find the inconvenience of having to move hotel is balanced by not having to get a taxi back to their hotel.

I'd ring up the hotel and make sure they can check in early if they go for that option. I'd also email them rather than ring as I wouldn't appreciate being put on the spot about a matter like this.

MaidOfStars · 25/02/2016 20:08

I think if you have any mates - nobody you need to be formal with - staying in the cheaper places and say that you have spare rooms so would any of them be willing to swap for the same price to see them filled/waste of space otherwise, that would be fine.

LineyReborn · 25/02/2016 20:09

Regarding your last post OP, that depends if they'd lose deposits on their other bookings.

But I see your point. Trying to mitigate your loss and all that.

Katenka · 25/02/2016 20:10

I used to work hotels and organised the weddings.

It's difficult to be flexible on check in/out times. Weddings guests usually check out right at the last minute. The rooms need fully servicing.

Most guests staying two nights will stay where they can stay in one room.
People don't want to move.

You were badly advised on this. The risk with a Sunday wedding is that people might not be able to take the Monday off, or don't want to use a days annual leave. You are asking them to spend money staying at a hotel and take time off work because you made the decision to book the hotel exclusively on a Sunday.

It's absolutely your right to book your wedding when and how you want. But you need understand, that doesn't mean your guests are obliged to behave in certain ways or do certain things.

MaidOfStars · 25/02/2016 20:10

Oh yes, people may have paid for rooms upfront.

JenEric · 25/02/2016 20:12

Cross post with you. Make offers now. Explain that you have the whole hotel to yourselves and ask if they would be interested in a room there for X price the cheap hotel is asking for. Sort it now if you are going to do it then it can be done and you can relax and enjoy yourself.

acasualobserver · 25/02/2016 20:12

All this fretting about money threatens to suck the joy from your wedding. Stop thinking about false economies and empty rooms. Put it all to one side and start having happy thoughts.

Redglitter · 25/02/2016 20:13

If I was staying 2 nights there's no way I'd be getting ready for a wedding, packing, checking out, going to the venue, checking in, finding a new room, unpacking. I'd far rather get a taxi a short distance at the end of the night. YANBU

JenEric · 25/02/2016 20:13

The later you leave it the more likely they will have paid for the rooms etc. Also yes to you being advised badly. The hotel have pulled a fast one on you knowing it's a pain to fill rooms on a Sunday.

Redglitter · 25/02/2016 20:14

YABVU even

PennyHasNoSurname · 25/02/2016 20:14

You bookef a Sunday to save you money. Your guests will then possibly lose moey or annual leave to take the Monday off.

Yabu. And more fool you.

Notimefortossers · 25/02/2016 20:15

Sack your wedding planner ;) x

JenEric · 25/02/2016 20:15

I personally wouldn't want to faff moving hotels if I was staying 2 nights but I would far prefer to stay in a venue hotel if I was staying 1 night and the cost was the same or less than the cheap hotel plus taxi there.

Pico2 · 25/02/2016 20:17

A Sunday might be cheaper, but the cost to guests may be higher. If DH and I have to use a day of annual leave for a wedding, that is one day each that we can't take off to cover holiday childcare. That comes out to £200. If you add that on to a hotel room (say £150), travel (£50) and a gift (£100), then it's cost us £500 to attend a wedding. That is without stag/hen/new clothes as those are pretty much optional.

On that basis, we might well leave early if we don't have too far to go or just duck out entirely.

Notimefortossers · 25/02/2016 20:18

Awwww man! Another accidental x! Forgive me MN. Tired today

TapStepBallChange · 25/02/2016 20:20

We went to a family wedding where the father of the bride had paid for the exclusive use, but they couldn't find people who wanted all the rooms, they weren't cheap and most people figured out it was still cheaper to get an expensive cab home. They kept asking us if we wanted to stay, we kept saying no as it was so expensive, in the end they offered it to us half price so as to get some of the money back. I felt bad they were losing money, but also felt like we were doing them a favour by staying there. Have to say the hotel was gorgeous, but they were cheeky, the breakfast available was very limited morning after a wedding compared to normal weddings (seen the menus online)

APlaceOnTheCouch · 25/02/2016 20:22

Could you delegate the 'rooms fiasco' for want of a better term to your bestmaid or a relative? As a PP said, you don't want to spend the run up to your wedding stressing about rooms and rates. If I were you, I'd think if there was anyone who would be happy to try to manage this for you ie seeing if there is any flexibility with the hotel about changing from an exclusive booking and/or managing guests who want to swap their booking over for a discounted rate.

Hotels can be very cheeky about accommodation for wedding guests (inflating rates, etc) but sometimes when you call them on it, they will budge.