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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect wedding guests to book a room at the hotel we've booked for exclusive use not the hotel down the road

423 replies

maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 19:04

So we're getting married.... we have booked an exclusive use hotel which means we will be charged for all rooms that are not filled. The wedding is on a Sunday so quite a few guests are going home on the Sunday night and not staying over. That I don't have a problem with. But one couple have booked two nights in the sister hotel to our hotel (so similar prices) as they could not book a room on the Saturday (as it is being used for another wedding). Despite knowing we will have to pay for all the rooms in 'our' hotel they are refusing to move hotels as they don't want the inconvenience.

I probably am BU as I know it was our choice to take the risk of an exclusive, and they can stay wherever they want, but as we will likely not fill more than half of the rooms we are facing a massive bill now (like 1.5k) and it just seems a bit unfair if they're staying in the sister hotel down the road just because they can't /don't want to move on the morning of the wedding.

Really wish I had not booked an exclusive venue now, especially on a Sunday night.

OP posts:
Phalenopsisgirl · 25/02/2016 20:48

Ok so have you sold a lot of rooms already? If you are subsidising the rooms you must do this for everyone, so if you have already sold half or more then that'll just have to be it

lorelei9 · 25/02/2016 20:49

btw how does the childcare work if the kids have actually gone to bed?

Thing is, you're getting married, you'll have a great time anyway and the point is to make sure you and your guests enjoy the day.

There isn't anything wrong with trying to save money but it does sound as if you are annoyed that it hasn't worked out to get other people to sub your saving because they now don't want to stay over.

I do think it's quite predictable that people will
a) leave a Sunday wedding early
b) not have spare annual leave for Monday even if they wanted to stay
c) not want hotel hassle if they are local

Bearbehind · 25/02/2016 20:49

all very well and good people saying we shouldn't have scrimped but we are not rich so like everyone else wanted to get a good deal nowt wrong with that.

This is exactly why people get so pissed off with weddings.

You can't afford the venue you want on a day that would make it more convienent for your guests so, given the choice between pleasing them or yourselves you go with the latter.

Fine, it's your day, but you can't moan about the hotel situation.

The venue might be close to you but the fact many guests need to stay for 2 nights means it's not local for a lot of guests.

writingonthewall · 25/02/2016 20:49

We had a Sunday wedding - you have to assume that it will end earlier. When you're in the wedding phase of your life there are sometimes more than 10 in a year - a day off work for each one would add up. You're going to need to swallow the cost of this one. I would have booked into the sister hotel, moving rooms is just too much faff.

Sunshine87 · 25/02/2016 20:51

I still think even at a discounted rate how many are going to take up the room especially if they have work the next day or childcare arrangements. We got asked if we wanted to book a room at a wedding before when we attended the night do. Just wasnt worth it the cost plus childcare. I would imagine you got a reasonable package on the basis you filled the rooms. In effect you really just paid more for your wedding day itself that you thought you were going to pay had you filled the rooms.

Phalenopsisgirl · 25/02/2016 20:51

You risk putting people's backs up if you don't offer the same to everyone, as these things have a way of getting out

origamiwarrior · 25/02/2016 20:51

OP - yes, I can certainly see why you would want to have your wedding at a hotel venue, but I don't understand why you would choose to take the financial risk of filling the rooms? Why not just book the ballroom/restaurant or whatever and tell guests if they want to stay over, they can, so feel free to book a room (direct with the hotel or even on laterooms etc)

(disclaimer; I have never organised a wedding so don't understand how these things work!)

PennyHasNoSurname · 25/02/2016 20:53

A family friend chose a venue which required all bedrooms to be booked with the wedding. Like you OP the b&g then suggested friends and family stay (handy, I suppose, but the bonus of them not being left to pay for them).

The Groom initially said he would pay the deposits, as the rooms were on average £220 per night (100 deposit), however he then reneged on this.

They chose a weekday wedding as it was cheaper for them, so anyone staying over needed two days off work.

In the end we booked a cottage close by for £250 for five nights which was a much much better deal (2 adults and 2 kids and no family rooms at the hotel).

It really is your own fault if you then end up having to pay for all the rooms. Maybe you could offer to pay £60 or whatever a decent proportion of the rooms rate is.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 20:53

Lorelei how the childcare thing works is that we pay two childminders to sit in a room, anyone with a child who wants to use the service lets the child meet them, then puts them to bed gives childminder a monitor and one childminder patrols listening out for noises the other one stays in the room with the monitors.

Seen it done before and it works. You did ask!

We are offering this to any guests with kids, it may incentivise some to stay who knows!

OP posts:
Alwayssunny · 25/02/2016 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 20:56

This is cut and pasted from the venues website for all those who think this is abhorrent.

*Bedroom resale: The bride and groom can choose a rate to “re-sell” the accommodation onto guests. An average example of this = 26 x bedrooms re sold (not including the bridal suite) @ £150 per room B & B = £3,900. This amount is then deducted from the final bill. Based on the house takeover package this would leave a new total payable by the bride and groom of £4,600.

OP posts:
Wombatinabathhat · 25/02/2016 20:56

I hope it works out for you OP and you enjoy your day. Congratulations Thanks

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 20:56

This is cut and pasted from the venues website for all those who think this is abhorrent.

*Bedroom resale: The bride and groom can choose a rate to “re-sell” the accommodation onto guests. An average example of this = 26 x bedrooms re sold (not including the bridal suite) @ £150 per room B & B = £3,900. This amount is then deducted from the final bill. Based on the house takeover package this would leave a new total payable by the bride and groom of £4,600.

OP posts:
origamiwarrior · 25/02/2016 20:57

How many rooms and how many guests are we talking (and how many rooms have been 'sold'?)

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 20:57

Yes Alwayssunny, close family staying over also some really good mates, so enough people to have a party, I think I do better in smaller crowds anyway will be more intimate and get time to hang out with the people who mean the most.

OP posts:
EverySecondCounts · 25/02/2016 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 25/02/2016 20:58

if you do offer nominal rates will that be for everyone (fair) or just those who haven't booked yet?

Well quite.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 20:58

26 rooms, we have 'sold' 14 so just over half.

OP posts:
origamiwarrior · 25/02/2016 20:58

So you were obliged to take on the rooms as a condition of booking the venue?

lorelei9 · 25/02/2016 21:00

OP, that's cool, I just wondered because I know a lot of parents who wouldn't be okay with it - even though I totally realise it's as thorough as it can be in that situation, it's just I know my friends would rather go home with their kids or get their own babysitters.

I don't think anyone thinks it's "abhorrent" btw - well I don't - I just think that weddings are often organised to reduce cost to the couple but they don't think about how the guests' costs will work and yes that does bother me. So when you say you are ending up paying more for your wedding than you expected, I have to wonder how much you thought about the cost to guests, that's all.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 21:01

Indeed origami. I can understand why as the venue is not really designed for having a wedding with other non wedding guests, the whole of the downstairs is used for the wedding so anyone not in that wedding would not be able to avoid it!

OP posts:
QueenE27 · 25/02/2016 21:02

To ask if you breastfed your LO how long did you do so for?

lisalisa · 25/02/2016 21:03

I would shift hotels for you but then our group of friends are very close and when it comes to weddings we al feel each others pain the expense. If we were not particularly close I'd probably still do it anyway as I'd feel bad otherwise but I can understand your guests choosing not to . Sorry you're in this situation - weddings are so expensive anyway. Congrats btw

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2016 21:03

Er, are you on the right thread queen!!

Sunshine87 · 25/02/2016 21:03

150 is alot of money for an overnight we paid 120 at bartle hotel in preston for my brothers wedding and 165 for our own bridal suite. Your just getting a reduction off your wedding billl if you sell the rooms ineffect. You should of confirmed number of rooms before agreeing.

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