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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect wedding guests to book a room at the hotel we've booked for exclusive use not the hotel down the road

423 replies

maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 19:04

So we're getting married.... we have booked an exclusive use hotel which means we will be charged for all rooms that are not filled. The wedding is on a Sunday so quite a few guests are going home on the Sunday night and not staying over. That I don't have a problem with. But one couple have booked two nights in the sister hotel to our hotel (so similar prices) as they could not book a room on the Saturday (as it is being used for another wedding). Despite knowing we will have to pay for all the rooms in 'our' hotel they are refusing to move hotels as they don't want the inconvenience.

I probably am BU as I know it was our choice to take the risk of an exclusive, and they can stay wherever they want, but as we will likely not fill more than half of the rooms we are facing a massive bill now (like 1.5k) and it just seems a bit unfair if they're staying in the sister hotel down the road just because they can't /don't want to move on the morning of the wedding.

Really wish I had not booked an exclusive venue now, especially on a Sunday night.

OP posts:
Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 23:08

No, the sister hotel isn't cheaper. That's a completely different hotel five miles away, I was just mentioning it to say what the going rate was round here

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2016 23:15

Apologies, it was your post talking about the village hotel that was £120 not £150 that made me think the sister hotel was cheaper.

LineyReborn · 25/02/2016 23:16

There you go - WildRumpy has done it.

Postchildrenpregranny · 25/02/2016 23:22

The norm is to tell guests that the hotel you are using for your reception is offering rooms at a reduced rate to wedding guests and give them details so they can book direct ..Or ask if they want a room booked for them .Certainly this happened to us 33 years ago and my DD1 is going to three weddings this summer on the same basis .One is in late July but her room was booked months ago She can cancel if she wants to .
Your arrangement sounds extraordinary to me .And I would not pay £150 for a hotel room unless it was a very special occasion. .And we are not a young couple with children, and could afford it

FankEweVeryMuch · 25/02/2016 23:24

Is the hotel in Wales OP? My wedding venue was a very similar set up, right down to the sister hotel.

I'd always rather stay at the wedding venue than travel 5 miles in a taxi at the end of the night but it seems I'm in the minority.

Cressandra · 25/02/2016 23:24

Except in reality those rooms are likely to sit empty on a Sunday night, and the hotel manager will know that. This is why you can get such good deals on posh hotel rooms on Sundays. We are only trying to help Maggie, but you seem determined not to even try. Ah well, it's your £1.5k.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 23:27

I'm not sure what you mean Cressandra, how am I not trying? I'm not sure what i'm supposed to be trying to do. Or is it just that I have not agreed with you suggestions?

I said I have accepted I will make a loss and make the best of the wedding, as I don't want to negotiate with the hotel, so I'm not sure I am in need of help but thank you for your suggestions.

OP posts:
FankEweVeryMuch · 25/02/2016 23:27

Ignore me, must RTFT in future!

LineyReborn · 25/02/2016 23:28

I wouldn't mind receiving an invitation which basically said, we can sort you out with a really lovely room at a very reduced rate.

OP, I really do hope you have a great day. I know you're going to take a hit on this, but you may be able to do what WildRumpy did (which you've already sensibly suggested) to minimise it and have a few more people stay and add to the atmosphere.

ouryve · 25/02/2016 23:31

One word.

Bridezilla.

Put a pricey wedding on, by all means, but don't expect your guests to automatically all fall into line. If you can't afford it, don't presume to spend it on their behalf.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 23:31

I think the problem is, a lot of guests are going back to London or wherever they live on the Sunday night rather than staying overnight somewhere other than the hotel (only a handful are doing this) so offering them a reduced room is not going to help if they need to be back in London for work or whatever.

I have a few not very well off friends who I've said can stay at my house for free, but I may just give them a room if I have a load going spare at the hotel.

OP posts:
ethelb · 25/02/2016 23:32

OP i think u are having a slightly rough time here considering you have agreed this was all a slightly crap idea that has gone a bit wrong.
The suggestion by many wedding vendors that you can 'soften the blow' of the 'total cost' by palming it off on your guests does not bathe the industry in ethical glory Wink
That said you are not the first to fall for it.
You were badly advised and have decided to take it on the chin rather than continue in the spirit of entitlement I imagine the industry sometimes suggests you should. Well done you.
That said, how small is this 'small boutique hotel' if you are left with a £2k bill for rooms? Exclusive use wedding venue deals have sometimes worked out well for friends and family who could fill it easily with parents, grandparents, best man and the odd game aunt or uncle etc... But just how many rooms are we talking here?

ethelb · 25/02/2016 23:33

Plus the venue would normally have offered bulk booking of rooms (which is essentially what you are getting) at a meaningful discount. (Though admittedly not all the time).

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 23:35

Its 27 rooms ethelb. one is bridal suite. That leaves 26 of which we've filled 14, so at least we've filled half! At £150/room that will leave us with a bill of just over 2k but I'm hoping we may get some last minute takers.

Its just ironic because it cancels out the cost saving of doing it on a sunday so I could have had a saturday wedding for not much more.

Ah well I can either let it spoil my day, or just accept the situation and have a lovely day anyway.

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 25/02/2016 23:36

Well, it looks like a lovely venue, OP, so I am sure your wedding would be beautiful.

and for what it's worth I love weddings that take place any day BUT Saturday. I hate giving up the prime of a weekend to them. And I have plenty of annual leave so would take the Monday off and make a long weekend of it. Hopefully many of your guests would do the same.

As to big wedding breakfast and small evening party - you may come to be happy about that. A nice meal and celebration when you are fresh and energized, and then tapering off into an intimate and elegant evening with those who really, really want to be there - sounds perfect. Loud drunken discos are vastly over-rated as a way to celebrate a new marriage.

Don't think of the extra expense as paying for empty rooms, think of it as paying for the privacy of the hotel.

A sort-of analogy: Last summer a friend and I went to a large amusement park world famous for its array of roller coasters. We paid the normal admission fee but also treated ourselves to costly VIP parking and paid an extra $80 apiece - yes, over and above all other admission fees - for a pass that let us go to the head of all lines. However, I really don't like the violent roller coasters - the ones with the longest lines - so that $80 pass only served me well on a couple of rides. My friend went alone on most of them. But you know what -- I did not rue the expense for a moment, because the very fact of having that pass meant we didn't have to wait anywhere and knowing i COULD ride whatever, whenever, made our day completely different than if we had to plan around lines, peak ride hours, etc. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Point being for 1,000 pounds or so you have bought yourself a lot of flexibility and privacy. Don't agonize over it now that it's done (though of course with this much advance notice, try to renegotiate with the hotel.) Don't let it ruin your enjoyment, though. Life is too short.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 23:36

my bad maths, leaves bill of £1800

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 25/02/2016 23:39

That's a lovely post, Lealeander.

And I agree with ethelb that you are taking on the chin pretty well.

ethelb · 25/02/2016 23:49

I agree with lealeander about exclusive use.
In a similar analogy I once booked a six bed hostel room for four friends when on holiday when we we 18 (and pretty broke!) so we had our own space. It was so much nicer.
Exclusive use was imp to us when we had our wedding last year and we based our decisions on that too.

ethelb · 25/02/2016 23:51

OP i have to say 27 rooms doesn't seem that small and is a fairly big ask of the vendor. But as I said, it appears you have accepted that and decided to not let it have a negative impact on the day. Good.
When is it btw? Hope it goes fabulously!

LeaLeander · 25/02/2016 23:56

And if there are empty rooms you will have a place to stow anyone who hadn't planned to stay but unexpectedly has too much to drink. Preventing a drunk driving incident is worth the whole extra expense.

It will all work out. Flowers

Baconyum · 26/02/2016 00:10

I'm another who has worked in the industry, it absolutely IS ruthless! When I see threads like this my heart sinks. Yabu re the OP as its a pita to switch hotels mid weekend with a wedding in the middle. The price is a little high in my opinion, I'm certainly aware of even nicer hotels (and yours is lovely) that charge less (£120 or less) for dinner b&b. Perhaps it's due to location, as of course I'm only familiar with Glasgow which is where I worked.

The hotel have behaved badly but that's likely because the wedding industry is so competitive, as is the hotel industry and both are struggling at the moment.

You're right to not try and renegotiate, its pointless, contracts agreed and they haven't strictly done anything illegal as for all they know you could have easily filled the rooms and your family and friends were financially able to comfortably pay that price.

So I think really all that this thread can do is hopefully prevent another bride from making the same mistake.

Hope you have a wonderful day. Advice I give to anyone planning a wedding, don't stress the small stuff that can go wrong (I've seen brides ruin their own days over misplaced make up, slightly wrong colour flowers etc), don't let it rush past you, it can go by in a flash! I've also seen brides who've had major things go wrong but by focusing on what's important ( marrying the love of their life, sharing that with the people closest to them) its been the best day of their life. Flowers

lorelei9 · 26/02/2016 00:20

baconyum "The hotel have behaved badly"

but how? They ask you to book out the whole hotel, you say yes or you find another venue. I don't see what the hotel have done wrong. Only the couple involved in the wedding will know what their guests are likely to want in terms of staying over etc. It can't be up to the hotel to know if half the rooms will go or if all them will go.

GreenGoth89 · 26/02/2016 00:26

I am totally fed up with people booking wedding venues with either hideously expensive rooms and/or it being in the middle of no where so I have to stay. It costs each guest £200 often and I've just said to all my friends that in future we just can't go because it's unaffordable. So yes you are being unreasonable and maybe you should consider the financial effects for others as well!

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 26/02/2016 00:35

I bet you're not sick of eating the hideously expensive food or drinking the hideously expensive drink at these hideously expensive weddings Green goth? It's not like the bride and groom are doing anything for you is it?

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 26/02/2016 00:44

Maggie, the food and drink isn't a trade off or compensation.

In future I won't go to any weddings where I'm struggling to meet the cost, no. But it's hard because if you say to the couple "I can't afford it" they get cross. I do think some people need to wake up and realise that if guests need to put that £200 or even £50, in savings, that's their right.

and if they literally haven't got it or will struggle to find it there should be no pressure at all to attend.

Many times people on MN say "it's not a summons". But sometimes it feels the couple will be very hurt if you don't go, so I won't be the only one who has scrimped or gone without something I wanted to go to a wedding.

Though like I said, I'm not doing it again. Anyone who doesn't understand isn't my friend. And I don't care about posh food, the money in my pocket is more important. If you're saddened by that, keep in mind you're the one who mentioned food and drink as if you are doing your mates a favour.

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