To think my daughter is taking me for a mug?

[WhatstheT]

I could post this in parenting... but I'd barely get a reply.

I'm really struggling with my daughter and her not being independent around me.

I work full time and my daughter has been in nursery since 9 months old. She's at nursery 8am til 1pm then my partner picks her up. Since the day she started nursery she has refused a bottle and milk, she would only have water in a sippy cup. At around the same time I started offering her a sippy cup at home with meals, and she wouldn't touch them. She's now 1 years old and I've persisted with this to no avail. We have about 8 different types of cup. She spent one week at about 11 months old proudly sipping water from them at mealtimes, but then stopped again. She just picks them up and throws them, or tips them upside down and pours all the water or milk out.

On saturday she had a morning bottle, then at 10am she wanted a drink again, so I put some milk in one sippy cup, water in another, offered both to a massive shake of the head. I left it until 3pm with constant crying and whinging for a drink. Everytime she asked I placed the sippy cup infront of her, and that would make her worse. I also put a sippy cup in her pram on the table at the front when we go out. Eventually at teatime I ended up having to give her a bottle before bed, she was screaming to the point of gagging. She also won't have a bottle with large or variflow teats now... only slow flowing number ones.... I just don't get it.

I've spoken to nursery about it and she takes a sippy cup without a fuss, picks it up and drinks it. (we have the same one as nursery too)

I know persistence is the way forward, but she will go all day not touching any liquid until I put it in a bottle. I also don't understand her one week of using any sippy cup I gave her and just giving up.

She is the same with feeding too. Feeds herself with a spoon at nursery, but at home I have to put the food on a spoon and pass it to her (or she hand feeds if it isn't a runny food) If I put the spoon in the bowl and leave it for her, she screams and throws it on the floor.

I know she's playing with me, because I know all the things I'm encouraging she can do!. It's becoming daft that she can't drink at home without leaning back or lying down with her bottle (I won't cradle her with one anymore) I'm stuck for what to do! There's plenty of other things she only does with me too (screaming when I open a door or looking like I'm leaving, cries when I enter a room, I'm her personal climbing frame...etc. all separation stuff)

I just want her off the bottles because she drinks out of a cup away from home, and has since she was 9/10 months

Does sound like you are turning this into a battle of wills. The above isn't really a good reason to push it, though I do understand how frustrating It must be. My DD is similar in that she will eat anything at nursery but at home it's basically fish fingers or nothing.

She's just one and will likely change quickly enough.

Sorry to add yet more possibly unhelpful advice, but is it possible she's mostly using the bottles because they are comforting to suck? I know you say she has a dummy but it really sounds to me like she's not using the bottles mostly to drink - she's using them for comfort sucking.

I think small children's need to suck (up to the age of 5 or 6!) is one of the things that parents often don't 'get'.

If that is the reason, it explains why you're getting such grief from her about it - taking the beloved sucky object away from a toddler is a recipe for hell.

Home = mum = comfort = sucking.

Not telling you what to do - just thought it might be a useful insight into her toddler brain!

Don't have time to read 8 pages so it's probably already been said, but just in case it hasn't: straw cup?

Fwiw I had many a moment where dd was doing something that she managed to get herself into a tizz about, had to leave the room as tongue being bitten so often!! Being a mum is a tough job, I guess we're lucky there are some pretty special good bits too! Hope the situation sorts it's self out soon. Take care of yourself too!

My DS was 2 and half before I could persuade him (with some bribery and one tantrum) that night time milk should be in a cup not a bottle. This was really because I couldn't be bothered to remember a bottle every time we went away / stayed with my parents etc! BUT he definitely enjoyed the comfort side of things and I never made a fuss about it until then. I think once you start stressing about food / bottles / sucking thumbs etc they get stressed too and are more likely to fight you. My advice to my friends with younger children is pick your battles. Does it really matter if she drinks from a bottle? You know she can drink from a sippy cup so it's not a co-ordination issue so when she's ready at home she will and I promise it's not worth your sanity in the meantime! If I could have my time again I would have stressed a lot less about these things, they seem important at the time and then you look back and wonder what all the fuss was about!

If someone tried to take away my evening glass of red wine and swap in for beer I'd probably have a tantrum and throw it on the floor too!

I already said a couple of pages ago that I've put the cups away.

People seem to have no problem deciding when a baby should sleep through the night/sleep training or not have a dummy anymore..etc but when it comes to bottles I get "what's the problem" "let your daughter have love and comfort" I explained the situation... It wasn't a problem, just a situation where, as a new mum, I wondered if there was anything I could be doing to help her with the transition at home like she's had everywhere else. Nothing more nothing less.

If I'd have come on and asked for weaning advice I'd have had a multitude of helpful comments, not "clearly she doesn't want food so stop fighting her"

I guess there isn't anything I can do. So I've put the cups away and she can have her bottle with her dummy and blankie that she always has to her hearts content. :)

Thanks everyone for all your advice, I'll just not bother with the cups for a while now.

Well, actually, I'm pretty sure a lot of people would have said not to worry about the food, either! My DD1 was not very interested in eating solids for a long time - I got majorly stressed about it - but my DD2 seems to love food and will actually jump up and down in her high chair at the sight of it.

A lot of issues with babies comes down to the individual baby. Up a to a point, babies are very good self-regulator. They often know better than we do what they need. Plus they are prone to do X for ages, then suddenly stop and do Y, which can make you think there is something wrong.

Now I've had 2 kids I think "nobody knows anything" could very much apply to parenting advice, too. That being said, if a lot of people are saying the same thing, maybe it's worth listening to - while bearing in mind the context of your own individual baby and life.

Just to add to the above... I guess I don't understand why you think "don't do anything and try not to worry about it" is not perfectly legitimate advice or response to your question?

Just to add to the above... I guess I don't understand why you think "don't do anything and try not to worry about it" is not perfectly legitimate advice or response to your question?

Never said it wasn't legitimate. I thanked everyone for their advice. And a lot of people said "don't worry" I wasn't worried. I was looking for any advice one what people actually did. this isn't a life or death thing, was just looking for any tips.

I didn't wean my baby until 7.5 months, so it's not as if I'm trying to follow a book or anything.

I was more pertaining to the "what's your problem" and "jesus stop trying to control things" less than friendly comments.

Anyone saying It'll be fine just leave it be. Completely welcome.

I'm really not into everyone word I say being assessed and questioned. I've thanked everyone, put the cups away, and taken everything in. Job done :)

I tend to work on the preface that if your child clearly knows how to do something, then you don't have to teach them. You don't need to train your dd to use a cup or beaker at home, because it is not something she needs to learn to do - she can do it already, if she wants. You were just trying to make her do something she didn't want to do, not help her do something she could not do. There is no harm in continuing to give her the choice, though - I don't see why it has to be beakers or nothing, or bottles or nothing.

I've explained why I've put the cups away for now.

I also never said I need to train her... just asked if people had suggestions on the transition and how they did it.

I don't judge how anyone else parents their child or question the ins and outs of why they did it.

I simply asked for some tips if anyone had any.

It's really not as big of a deal as everyone seems to think.

I too thought this would be a teen!

One of mine had a bottle until he was three so I can't advise.

I'm off now. It's going to start all over again with people reading page one then commenting. Thanks for everyone's help.

Not thanks for any catty, silly or judgey comments.

All fair enough. I think it's just your tone that people may have responded to.

Except to say it wasn't non stop access in fact the opposite really. And he increased volume of solids steadily. No dental problems.

I guess you will have to accept that it is incomprehensible to some people that you should think a child who can drink from a beaker and has done so at home before needs help transitioning with anything. It sounds more like training her to do what you want to me. I respect that this was not your intention, I just don't understand the idea that your dd needed any help with anything.

I had a similar problem op. I made the hole in the teat of the bottle bigger and bigger each day until it was pretty much free flowing. It seemed to work. I also found those throwaway bottles of water that have the lid that you pull up / push down useful as dc could use them independently. I used to keep the bottles and refill them.

Mind you, don't take any advice from me - I enjoyed a baby's bottle of milk every day until I was 5! I hasten to add that all my other drinks were from cups or glasses!

She's not taking you for a mug, she's only one. She might be trying to assert her independence though.

I know it's not quite the same but I went through a phase with my daughter (2 and a half now) where she wouldn't wear anything I picked out for her but also wouldn't chose clothes herself, it was really frustrating and getting ready to go out took ages. In the end I read some great advice saying give her a choice of what to wear. Now if she does it I pick two things and say you can wear this one or this one, she makes the choice which I guess makes her feel in control and we are not so stressed. It might work for your situation too, you could say "here's a drink, you can have it this cup kor this cup".

My little one will also only drink milk from a particular cup and water from another. Again I ask her which one she wants and sometimes she drinks it, other times she tips it out but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. Good luck.

DD is now 10. She had a long time of drinking a bottle going to bed, and that moved on to a large mug of milk. When we discovered sports bottles, she adored those and still often has a bottle of milk (could be warm or cold) going to bed - about 500ml-800ml). Nowadays, it's actually in a bottle from the smoothie maker, which has a reasonably wide opening. It seems like she finds it easier to drink from the spout than a mug, and she has another sportsbottle in bed with water to sip during the night (she does get thirsty).

As she has always had a poor appetite, I have always felt that getting this extra boost at bedtime, while possibly not the best idea in general, was better for her than not getting it. Extra calories to help her grow a little.

She will drink from anything during the day. And will drink a fair amount. But she's always loved that added extra late in the day (she used to go to bed happy when small, but wake up when we'd be going and look for another feed - that was the last bf I dropped and she was 10 months at that stage, and we replaced that with a larger bottle of milk at bedtime).

Don't sweat it - she's getting what she needs, she IS learning the right things to use in nursery, and will eventually use them everywhere, but associates you with something different and that is OK.

Apologies, I read page 1 and responded. Please feel free to ignore my comments which seem to have been superceded as the thread progressed.