To think my daughter is taking me for a mug?

[WhatstheT]

I could post this in parenting... but I'd barely get a reply.

I'm really struggling with my daughter and her not being independent around me.

I work full time and my daughter has been in nursery since 9 months old. She's at nursery 8am til 1pm then my partner picks her up. Since the day she started nursery she has refused a bottle and milk, she would only have water in a sippy cup. At around the same time I started offering her a sippy cup at home with meals, and she wouldn't touch them. She's now 1 years old and I've persisted with this to no avail. We have about 8 different types of cup. She spent one week at about 11 months old proudly sipping water from them at mealtimes, but then stopped again. She just picks them up and throws them, or tips them upside down and pours all the water or milk out.

On saturday she had a morning bottle, then at 10am she wanted a drink again, so I put some milk in one sippy cup, water in another, offered both to a massive shake of the head. I left it until 3pm with constant crying and whinging for a drink. Everytime she asked I placed the sippy cup infront of her, and that would make her worse. I also put a sippy cup in her pram on the table at the front when we go out. Eventually at teatime I ended up having to give her a bottle before bed, she was screaming to the point of gagging. She also won't have a bottle with large or variflow teats now... only slow flowing number ones.... I just don't get it.

I've spoken to nursery about it and she takes a sippy cup without a fuss, picks it up and drinks it. (we have the same one as nursery too)

I know persistence is the way forward, but she will go all day not touching any liquid until I put it in a bottle. I also don't understand her one week of using any sippy cup I gave her and just giving up.

She is the same with feeding too. Feeds herself with a spoon at nursery, but at home I have to put the food on a spoon and pass it to her (or she hand feeds if it isn't a runny food) If I put the spoon in the bowl and leave it for her, she screams and throws it on the floor.

I know she's playing with me, because I know all the things I'm encouraging she can do!. It's becoming daft that she can't drink at home without leaning back or lying down with her bottle (I won't cradle her with one anymore) I'm stuck for what to do! There's plenty of other things she only does with me too (screaming when I open a door or looking like I'm leaving, cries when I enter a room, I'm her personal climbing frame...etc. all separation stuff)

OP, I wonder if you're feeling pressure from a HV or family to get her off the bottle? I have a 15 month old DS who has a bottle when he gets up and at bedtime, and to be honest, I have been stressing quite a bit to myself about it, because the HV said he should stop having a bottle at one. He's on a special allergy formula though, and won't take it from a sippy cup, though he'll happily drink water throughout the day from the cup. His weight gain has always been quite slow so I'm anxious not to lose the calories from the two bottle a day that he does have, so haven't forced the issue with him, but I have been feeling like a bad mother. All the replies on your thread have kind of opened my eyes that it's not a terrible thing for him to still have a bottle though - I hope it has done the same for you too.

She's 1: just let her have the bottle!

I'm fed up that I tried to help and I got called a name! It's not school, I'm middle aged!!

It's hilarious that you leave her crying for hours rather than just give her a bottle.

Great joke

My son was similar. When I was around all he wanted to do was breastfeed. It was some instinctive, primitive reconnecting thing. Your DD sees bottles in the same way.

I stopped caring. By 2 he preferred cups, particularly ones with straws.

She's just a baby. I'm shocked.

You are her mother, not any old carer. Why this rigid insistence that she must behave for you as she does for others and always follow the same logic? Do you not want to have to acknowledge any kind of special relationship? No, it isn't always particularly pleasant, or logical, or convenient that her pent up stress gets taken out on you in the form of annoying behaviour, but as her parent, you have to accept this is her way of communicating her feelings and emotional needs, whether she understands them herself or not. It's ridiculous to expect a 1-year old to be logical. Why not offer her a bottle and a sippy cup each time in the hope she will get bored of the bottle once she knows you don't care? Why turn it into a control issue?

(Care should read mind!)

Wow OP you need to chill out and please don't withhold fluids from your DD.

Mine is in nursery, I have seen myself that she is a different child when there, I love the Mummy cuddles, yes I get frustrated sometimes that I can't eat my meal in peace as she wants feeding when I know that she is perfectly capable of doing herself but she is young and my baby, I am not going to push her away in any way.

It doesn't matter in the scale of things that she wont use a cup around you.

People do not learn new skills in a nice straightforward way - it's not just about the skill but using it in different situations and locations. Its not uncommon for older children (for example) to be able to dress themselves on weekends and need help with uniform during the week. Or to be happy doing something at home and need help in nursery or vice versa. This will continue for many, many years and is not a battle you want to pick. Add to that that babies and children sometimes just want the comfort of help from mum.

However, that doesn't really matter right now. Your baby is a baby. She relies on you to meet her needs. You let your baby go without a drink for 5+ hours, leaving her crying simply because she wanted it in a bottle signifies a much,much bigger issue, as does your expectation that a 1 year be more independent. Can you talk to a GP or health visitor because in the nicest way, its not ok or normal to deprive a baby of liquid from 10am till teatime (5? 7? hours?). In fact it is really, really upsetting.

I see the OP's comments have been deleted but the earlier replies were so annoying I am not surprised that she felt a bit miffed.

The taking me for a mug thing was so clearly light hearted it shouldn't have needed explaining.

"Your BABY is trying to COMMUNICATE with YOU the only way SHE knows how.

And YOU are pitching a battle against a BABY.

SHAME ON YOU" I think it was this post that tipped her over the edge. It IS very over the top and rude. Fancy saying someone should be ashamed because she wanted her baby to stop using a bottle

HumpreyCobblers who made you the police of the thread? I think people are allowed to say how they feel. The OP then spewed vitriolic abuse, insults, foul language and came across as unhinged.

Ms Gee sums up my feelings and probably others very well. I think its terrible that the OP withheld fluids from a 1 year old for no good reason other than a battle of control.

Fancy a 1 year old doing something for comfort!

If I were you OP I'd ask her to start getting her own bottles and cook her own food.

She has no "behaviour" at this age that is unnecessary. Perhaps she's looking for comfort because she missed you whilst at nursery? Frankly I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to give her the comfort and attention she needs.

Withholding fluids is frankly gross. I'm imagining this is the OPs first baby and she thinks being tough is going to get her DD to do what she wants..... it won't. It will make her insecure and unhappy though.

Woo-hoo.

I haven't rtft.

I just binned all bottles at 1 for all four of mine. I stopped BF and bottles just after their first birthday cold turkey (at the time you were only advised to BF feed until they were 1)

It took a few days for them to get used to it but I think it was better than chopping and changing. At the moment your DD get a bottle sometimes but not others - so it's no wonder she doesn't understand why she can't always have the bottle.

I dump the bottles completely.

Oh that was kind FoolsAnd, do you dump your cup of tea, fag, glass of wine or whatever if you think the comfort you get from them is getting on you nerves?

Wow just seen your threads op.

Lol, I have now just read the thread

Looks like I'd be competing with the OP for bad mum of the year.

I didn't want my kids to have bottles after 1 - so I took them away the day or so after their first birthday. I can see that this would be considered cruel and uncaring by lots of MN'ers . It really wasn't an issue at all. Really, really, really not an issue . They were not traumatised!

Are people this aggressive and nasty off this forum as well as on it? Or does mumsnet just have a tremendous amount of keyboard warriors?

Not saying that everyone should hun and pander to every mumsnet post, but I'm assuming everyone on here is an adult and I'm starting to get quite shocked at the sheer level of vitriol and ripping people to absolute shreds.

Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves, honestly.

ppeatfruit. Wow, what a rude bitchy reply! My kids were perfectly fine. There are lots of ways to comfort a child.

It's not an issue if it doesn't upset your child unduly or for longer than a few days.

It is an issue of it does.

Simples.

I think Fools suggestion makes sense, actually. It might work for op, it might not but as what the op is currently doing isn't working for her or her baby might as well give something a though.