To think my daughter is taking me for a mug?

[WhatstheT]

I could post this in parenting... but I'd barely get a reply.

I'm really struggling with my daughter and her not being independent around me.

I work full time and my daughter has been in nursery since 9 months old. She's at nursery 8am til 1pm then my partner picks her up. Since the day she started nursery she has refused a bottle and milk, she would only have water in a sippy cup. At around the same time I started offering her a sippy cup at home with meals, and she wouldn't touch them. She's now 1 years old and I've persisted with this to no avail. We have about 8 different types of cup. She spent one week at about 11 months old proudly sipping water from them at mealtimes, but then stopped again. She just picks them up and throws them, or tips them upside down and pours all the water or milk out.

On saturday she had a morning bottle, then at 10am she wanted a drink again, so I put some milk in one sippy cup, water in another, offered both to a massive shake of the head. I left it until 3pm with constant crying and whinging for a drink. Everytime she asked I placed the sippy cup infront of her, and that would make her worse. I also put a sippy cup in her pram on the table at the front when we go out. Eventually at teatime I ended up having to give her a bottle before bed, she was screaming to the point of gagging. She also won't have a bottle with large or variflow teats now... only slow flowing number ones.... I just don't get it.

I've spoken to nursery about it and she takes a sippy cup without a fuss, picks it up and drinks it. (we have the same one as nursery too)

I know persistence is the way forward, but she will go all day not touching any liquid until I put it in a bottle. I also don't understand her one week of using any sippy cup I gave her and just giving up.

She is the same with feeding too. Feeds herself with a spoon at nursery, but at home I have to put the food on a spoon and pass it to her (or she hand feeds if it isn't a runny food) If I put the spoon in the bowl and leave it for her, she screams and throws it on the floor.

I know she's playing with me, because I know all the things I'm encouraging she can do!. It's becoming daft that she can't drink at home without leaning back or lying down with her bottle (I won't cradle her with one anymore) I'm stuck for what to do! There's plenty of other things she only does with me too (screaming when I open a door or looking like I'm leaving, cries when I enter a room, I'm her personal climbing frame...etc. all separation stuff)

OP - Frankly I would just give your daughter the bottle. Yes she takes the sippy cup at nursery, but when she comes home she wants to be (and is) your baby again.

Is it really worth stressing both of you out to enforce the sippy cup at home?

Ds was a bit similar. We just let him mature at his own pace.

He had the bottle for milk until he was 3!!, but a cup for everything else. He just refused to have his milk any other way. Every child is different.

If she is refusing to lay down to take the milk, try get a faster flowing teat and see how she does with that sitting up.

It is completely normal for kids to act so much better with other people and then just be their neurotic selves at home. You should be happy and proud that she acts so well at daycare.

There are drinks bottles which come with straws, which might solve the sucking/tipping backwards issue for you?

^ this

I understand that you would worry that she wants a bottle but won't get any milk out of it as she won't lean back - so then won't drink at all. That's what I would worry about anyway.

Not sure what all the judgemental comments about the OP not wanting to cuddle her baby are based on .

Have you tried just giving drinks in an open cup and helping her with it?
We used to give them a plastic shot glass, not much to spill and they are a good size for little hands.

If you're as uptight with your DD as you are with people here, who simply went on the information they had, then that probably doesn't help matters.

Chill out, go with the flow, stop turning absolutely everything into a battle and she will soon make up her mind what she likes doing at home.

Nursery isn't home and she will be a little more guarded there than at home, including drinking from the cup they give her because she knows no different there. At home, she wants to be fed by you, her mum, because it's nice for her and you are special to her. She's still a baby and still, quite appropriately, very much dependent on you. There's nothing wrong with her seeking comfort.

Tbf I think people need to rtf. She blatantly is joking about being taken for a mug. Anyone should be able to see that. Op they often seem to act up more for parents I would just keep offering the cups but don't stress about the bottles as she is still young. My ds would feed himself at nursery but play up around me and want to be babied. It's a comfort thing. X

If you're worried about her fluid intake, stick with the bottle for morning and before bed milk. And have a cup available with water during the day, she hopefully will grow into using it. My DD at that age liked the straw cups. Now we use a munchkin 360 one for milk and water, they're fab and no spill (unless you launch them off something!)
It is frustrating when DC will do things elsewhere but not at home. I guess from the number of people reporting similar experiences that there is something psychological to it. Try and go with the flow a bit more.

I'd like her to have the cups because I think they are more suited to what she is trying to do.

They probably are, but it's uncommon for kids to insist on doing things the hard way and making life 10x harder for themselves. Whether it's an impractical drinking routine or how they get undressed or whatever.

The reason everyone's saying to go with the bottle isn't that we think you're a bad mum for trying to persist with the sippy cup, it's just that we think it's easier to not fight this battle- let her do it the hard way for now and she'll grow out of it. And if you're like me, bite your tongue to avoid shouting "FFS IT'S SO MUCH EASIER IF YOU DO IT LIKE THIS"

not uncommon...

Erm how about a dummy if she just wants the sucky comfort thing?

You can buy sippy-cup style rubber tests which fit onto bottles. Maybe you could try these? Your DD may be more accepting if it looks like her bottle and only the year is different.

We have a cup/bottle hybrid type thing called a Nuby natural touch, we got it from Boots. DD is 15m and has moved onto sippy cups during the day but for her bedtime milk it had to be a bottle. At Christmas we forgot to pack the bottles and nowhere in the high street sells them - there was no way I was going to pay £10 minimum for a bottle plus the fast flow teats she needed with no guarantee she'd take it so I tried this nuby one. She did eventually take it and now has it every day. You don't have to lie down with it as the teat/spout is a bit stiffer than a bottle teat so doesn't just bend and cut off the liquid if she tips it up while it's in her mouth. It has removeable handles so looks quite like a bottle when they are off. no it's not a 'proper' sippy cup but might be a stepping stone and if she does get used to it nuby do bottles for older kids with the same type of spout

Chin up they can be frustrating at this age but I do try and pick my battles now. Maybe go too far the other way and insist on doing everything for her, she'll soon decide she wants a little independence and start pushing you away!

I didn't think the thread title sounded like a joke.

Look, OP, she's tiny. She really is. Wants = needs at this age (obv except where safety/wellbeing an issue). She needs extra closeness, comfort, reassurance from you since starting nursery. What's the problem with that? You are her safe base and she needs you to be responsive to her.

She's far, far too young to be talking about 'independence'.

Mrshudson221b think this is the comment about her not wanting to cuddle her baby comes from

won't cradle her with one anymore

The comment about you leaving a baby crying for a drink of water for 5 hours because she wanted to have her water in a bottle and not a sippy cup.
and only giving in when she was "screaming to the point of gagging" before you gave her a drink in a bottle is not a good thing.

Why are you creating a problem where none exists.

Not too sure what you expect but your last comments in your op about being her own personal climbing frame etc are what being a mummy is all about.

I hope you read this OP. People have been horrible on here.

I get what you are trying to do. My DD is 8mo so not where you are yet. She has a sippy cup at tea time when she has water but bottles the rest of the day. She wants to be sat up and about but she gets too much air in it, and when I lie her down she gets cross. It's worse at bed time! She will sometimes let me hold her for drinking but although she is a super snuggly baby I think she finds it generally too confining.
Not sure if you're DD will be too big now but have you tried a bouncy chair? DD has her bottle at bedtime in it and sometimes in the day if she's really refusing to hold her head back.
She also can't hold her sippy cup yet so I hold it for her. Have you tried that?
I work in childcare and children do behave very differently at nursery. You might find this is just a stage and if you almost go back a stage she will take the lead and just start drinking herself when she's ready. Bit like with crawling, walking etc I think one day it just clicks that they want to do this themselves now!
Good luck. Ignore people who are being unkind.

I didn't think it sounded like a joke at all, either. And when people didn't get the joke OP didn't say, hey, joke, hahaha. She started ranting and throwing misogynist insults around. I actually thought she's been at the gin after those posts.

Hubble bubble toil and trouble....

I had the same issue with DD and a bottle. We just let her use a bottle, kept offering a sippy cup, and after a little while she began choosing the sippy cup (other than for bedtime milk).

The pouring it all over the floor in protest stage is very trying though.

I feel for you OP! My daughter came off the bottle at between 10-13 months so a similar age to where your daughter is at.

Are you using the same cups she gets at nursery? That is either going to work or not. I'd find out which.
Me, I never used the free flow ones, couldn't be doing with the constant wetness so I went with no spills. I tried Nubys, I tried soft teats, hard teats, straws, but finally found the one that worked best for my daughter was the AnywayUp cup with a solid sippy (teat) section. No faffs for cleaning etc either as there is no valve.

I got her to move to a cup for her afternoon drink first (3pm), then after a couple of weeks her morning one, then finally her bedtime one. I used to leave her bedtime one in her cot with her till she was about 2.5 and she drank it as and when she wanted it. At the time when I was starting out (about 11 months) I had to get her to take that afternoon drink before she was too tired. Too tired and she would just scream for her bottle.

I had two different colours, the yellow one always had milk and the pink one had juice (she refused to drink water at all) and was always a big milk drinker till I started giving her watered down apple juice. I used to just leave them both on the table and she could chose one and i'd put the other away.
I think you have to relax a little while holding firm, but I'd only hold firm for now on that middle one. If you were saying that she was enjoying the bottle I'd say just leave the cup progression just now, but given she is not getting great benefits, and sounds like she will just be getting filled with trapped air and wind, I'd try to persevere but one bottle at a time.

Also check that there is nothing different in what she takes at nursery vs with you - its not semi skimmed vs full fat milk for example? Or follow on formula etc. It could be a taste or temperature thing as well.

God knows what the op would think of my dd and ds. Dd breast fed exclusively until she was 3 and Ds had a bottle until he was 5.

Perhaps she is telling you she prefers to drink while sitting on your knee perhaps she doesn't love the nursery nurses as much as you .

I miss my cuddly baby now all grown up. I do remember some of the trials of parenting a baby though ...DH reminded me this morning how hard it was to get ours to sleep in a cot and how we would spend hours carefully lowering in and gently removing our arm only to have to start again.

She's only 12 months old. If she's happiest with a bottle let her have a bottle. Really there are bigger things to get yourself in a state about than this. So long as she is nourished and hydrated it really doesn't matter via what method at this stage.

You've been quite rude to people. I'm also not sure how old your child is, but I may have missed a post where you said that.

i think drop it for a bit. If you want/need to work on it, give her the occasional sip out of your glass, and at some point buy yet another cup and remark casually on what a big girl cup it is. Don't offer her anything in it, have it visible in the cupboard next to the bottles until she asks for it. Do similar with feeding herself - give her opportunities to initiate it. She might not want to be a big girl at the moment with you, but at some point that will change. I think you're in a negative cycle, and possibly you are butting heads with each other if she is old enough to do that.

If she is old enough (2+ maybe?), put the cups, bottles etc in a low cupboard and ask her to bring you one for her drink. She can pick a bottle if she wants the comfort so you're not denying her, but one day she will inevitably be sucked in by the glamour of a big girl cup / "3 year old's cup" if she is 2 etc. Then you follow up with "are you sure you're big enough for it? Well, you did get dressed by yourself this morning so you're probably right. There you go."

My 18 month old daughter feeds herself perfectly in nursery? Will she do it at home? Bloody hell no, the bowl gets chucked and she will sit there holding the spoon out until I do it. She can do it but she wants me to do it. It's not worth the battle, she has the skills but at the moment she doesn't want to do it.

These things are not worth getting stressed over. One is still a baby so just go with it.

And the leaving her crying for a drink all day is cruel, she is so tiny she won't understand why you won't give her a bottle.