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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughter is taking me for a mug?

197 replies

WhatstheT · 25/02/2016 10:28

I could post this in parenting... but I'd barely get a reply.

I'm really struggling with my daughter and her not being independent around me.

I work full time and my daughter has been in nursery since 9 months old. She's at nursery 8am til 1pm then my partner picks her up. Since the day she started nursery she has refused a bottle and milk, she would only have water in a sippy cup. At around the same time I started offering her a sippy cup at home with meals, and she wouldn't touch them. She's now 1 years old and I've persisted with this to no avail. We have about 8 different types of cup. She spent one week at about 11 months old proudly sipping water from them at mealtimes, but then stopped again. She just picks them up and throws them, or tips them upside down and pours all the water or milk out.

On saturday she had a morning bottle, then at 10am she wanted a drink again, so I put some milk in one sippy cup, water in another, offered both to a massive shake of the head. I left it until 3pm with constant crying and whinging for a drink. Everytime she asked I placed the sippy cup infront of her, and that would make her worse. I also put a sippy cup in her pram on the table at the front when we go out. Eventually at teatime I ended up having to give her a bottle before bed, she was screaming to the point of gagging. She also won't have a bottle with large or variflow teats now... only slow flowing number ones.... I just don't get it.

I've spoken to nursery about it and she takes a sippy cup without a fuss, picks it up and drinks it. (we have the same one as nursery too)

I know persistence is the way forward, but she will go all day not touching any liquid until I put it in a bottle. I also don't understand her one week of using any sippy cup I gave her and just giving up.

She is the same with feeding too. Feeds herself with a spoon at nursery, but at home I have to put the food on a spoon and pass it to her (or she hand feeds if it isn't a runny food) If I put the spoon in the bowl and leave it for her, she screams and throws it on the floor.

I know she's playing with me, because I know all the things I'm encouraging she can do!. It's becoming daft that she can't drink at home without leaning back or lying down with her bottle (I won't cradle her with one anymore) I'm stuck for what to do! There's plenty of other things she only does with me too (screaming when I open a door or looking like I'm leaving, cries when I enter a room, I'm her personal climbing frame...etc. all separation stuff)

OP posts:
MrTiddlestheFatCat · 25/02/2016 11:01

Wow, OP, calm down- there have been some silly comments on this thread from pp who have taken the title too seriously, but also a lot of people just trying to help.

I think what most people are trying to get at is that you need to just go with the flow, and don't give yourself more work by arguing with a 1 year old, because she's not going to understand reason when she's practically still a baby. In the long run, just let her have the bottle and try not to worry about it. Perhaps that wasn't the advice you wanted, but it is the prevailing opinion here so maybe consider it.

Stratter5 · 25/02/2016 11:01

Nobody is being horrible, calm down. You expressed yourself poorly - we only have what you actually say to go on.

Please don't stress about the bottle, it really doesn't matter. Just don't let it become a battle. Put the cups away for a few months, then have another go.

RhiWrites · 25/02/2016 11:02

Look you're obviously stressed but hurling insults isn't going to help the situation.

People are trying to tell you that

  1. She's not doing it deliberately
  2. If you're worried about getting some liquid in her go back a stage at home.
  3. It's probably because she needs extra babying.
  4. She's still really young and others aren't on to a sippy cup yet.
  5. Chill out.

It's too early for Wine unfortunately so why not have a cup of Brew - maybe in a sippy cup so you can show her how it's done?

happyhearts7 · 25/02/2016 11:02

I know you said she doesn't like lying back to drink her bottle & cries but she does drink it doesn't she? With my kids they always had a wee moan lying back to drink their bottle at that age.. I'd give her the bottle & let her have her wee moan, as you say she stops crying after drinking the bottle.
My DS3 now 14yo handed me back his bottle when he was about 9 months & has refused to drink milk ever since Confused

paxillin · 25/02/2016 11:02

I think you need help with your anger, it isn't helpful.

gamerchick · 25/02/2016 11:03

She's a baby, just let her have a bottle until she's ready to stop. Water in a bottle won't hurt.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 25/02/2016 11:03

She is very very young still. 1 is still very much a baby. They do tend to play up with us more than anyone else but I wouldn't stress unless it is seriously impacting your quality of life (such as sleeping issues). I would give her her little comforts (like bottle at bedtime, I know HVS are against them after 1yr but I personally don't care what the 'perfect' way to do things is). I think your biggest problem is expectations of how things 'should' be and inflexibility to how crazy and pernickety babies actually are. Try to go with the flow and just enjoy her without trying to make her do stuff that has little real impact on life. Hope that makes sense.

UsernameIncorrect · 25/02/2016 11:04

I love "fucking hags". I'm going to try and use it more.

GloGirl · 25/02/2016 11:04

Are you ok? We're trying to help. Offer water in a variety of containers. If she starts to take it from one you can progress to a cup.

There is no magic answer, she is telling you she wants her Mum and she wants a bottle. We can advise as best as we can but a one year old should still really get what they are asking for. Babies have needs not wants.

IceRoadDucker · 25/02/2016 11:04

It's really not fair to insult all the people who gave you advice because a couple took your thread title seriously. I was Hmm when I read that she's one year old, and then realised the title was a kind of pun because of all the cup talk. It's not very obvious, so you can't blame people for taking it at face value.

Seriously, don't insult the people who are taking the time to help you.

wotoodoo · 25/02/2016 11:04

Not hags, op, just honestly cannot understand how a mummy would not want to cuddle/hold/comfort her little 1 year old baby who is desperately wants to have the comfort of a bottle.

You are very rude, not us. So you might want to get counselling for that?

Flowers
sparklewater · 25/02/2016 11:06

Will she drink through a straw? Failing that, I'd give her exactly what she wants for two or three days, and drink out of her cups yourself, as if she's not allowed them.

Reverse psychology can work at a surprisingly young age!

Pollyputhtekettleon · 25/02/2016 11:06

Oh dear. I didn't see the whole thread before. In any case, hope things get a bit less stressful for you OP.

paxillin · 25/02/2016 11:07

And calling us "judgey witches" "horrible women" and "fucking hags" is not on. You sound drunk and angry.

gamerchick · 25/02/2016 11:07

Why fight battles you don't need to? I'm s obviously stressing you out. Save it for potty training.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 25/02/2016 11:08

I can't remember the make but I'll try to find it but what I used with my dd was a straw attachment for the bottle which meant that she could sit up and still drink for example when sat in a high chair with a meal. I found she much preferred a straw to a sippy cup when we did move on. It is very frustrating when they want something but then can't use it when they do get it and get even more frustrated with it.

alltouchedout · 25/02/2016 11:09

She is one year old, all this will pass.

My second child was a demon for refusing to do at home what he was quite happy to do elsewhere. He was (still is) a very restricted eater and one day he ate chili and rice at nursery. We were fecking delighted, thought we'd cracked it, then he looked at me, smiled and said "my not eat my nuffny rice at home, mama". And he didn't.

Relax, it'll all be fine, I couldn't get the sippy cup away from ds1&2 for a looooong time and they're fine.

TheBakeryQueen · 25/02/2016 11:11

Your little girl is behaving perfectly normally.
You have 2 choices:

  1. Go with the flow, give her the bottle if that's what she wants, it's no big deal, no issue at all unless YOU make it into one.
  2. Have a battle with a baby over a really unimportant issue where there are no winners because she is too little to reason with.

The reason your 'lighthearted' comment wasn't taken as 'lighthearted' is because your post doesn't sound that way at all.

You sound stressed & like you're not seeing the bigger picture but fixating & choosing to get cross over something which just isn't worth it. We've all been there i'm sure.

I suggest a visit to the GP, and I mean this kindly, to discuss you feeling stressed.

All the best.

Fugghetaboutit · 25/02/2016 11:12

Op. She's 1 years old. Pick your battles as you have much bigger ones coming your way soon and even those will need to be shrugged at. When you make a big deal of things, children pick up on it and play with it and will wind you up.

Let her have a bottle, it really doesn't matter.

MrTiddlestheFatCat · 25/02/2016 11:13

wotoodoo I really didn't get the impression that the OP is some sort of cold and heartless mother who is desperate to not cuddle her baby. I think she is just frustrated because her little girl would be better on sippy cups but won't take them, and obviously the lack of communication you have with a baby makes it so much more frustrating! She didn't say anywhere, or even allude to the fact she didn't want to cuddle or comfort her little one.

I know OP came out with some pretty tremendous insults there, but you are being unnecessarily harsh on her too- she was just asking for advice to help her DD use a sippy cup. A mere 'She's only 1, its fine for her to have a bottle still' would have sufficed, I think.

And of course she doesn't need counselling over this- she is clearly just a stressed out new Mum.

LBOCS2 · 25/02/2016 11:14

There are drinks bottles which come with straws, which might solve the sucking/tipping backwards issue for you?

But honestly, they're little buggers. DD will self settle for anyone else while they babysit her and used to do it for her childminder. Will she do it for us? Will she bollocks. We get treated to hysterical crying until she gets her own way and we sit in the dark with her until she goes to sleep.

Also. She refuses point blank to eat my shepherd's pie. Yesterday, she had shepherd's pie at nursery and it was "yummy mummy, I ate it all with the meat and the potato!". Bugger.

wotoodoo · 25/02/2016 11:14

Op you clearly didn't get the advice you wanted judging by the despicable namecalling of the people who proffered you help.

You sound quite short tempered and judgemental yourself so perhaps 1. forcefeed your baby from the sippy cup 2. ignore baby 3. punish baby by no cuddles etc etc is advice that is more acceptable to you? Hmm

Anyway, no one wants to stress you out any more so Chocolate and Cake

jeez

butterflylove16 · 25/02/2016 11:15

I can't properly advise as I'm pregnant with my first, but I did used to work in a baby room at nursery, and spoke to many parents having similar issues as you. I think a lot of it is because she spends a lot of time away from you (not judging you, just stating), so when she's with you she understandably wants all of mummy's attention, and a chance to be mummy's little baby. As good as the nursery may be, she obviously won't quite get the 1:1 interaction that she gets with you at home, so that's probably why she just gets on with things more when she's there.

BlanketsAndBiscuits · 25/02/2016 11:16

I get it OP.

DD was exactly the same, perfect angel when with other family members, feed herself etc, but as soon as I was there I had to do everything for her.

All I can say is embrace it whilst you still can. I know it can be frustrating for you both, keep doing what your doing, take over if she's getting really wound up over it. At nearly 2, DD wants to do everything for herself and I miss the one-to-one we had.

Sippy cups didn't work for us, we went straight onto a cup with a miniscule amount in till she learnt to drink from it properly. That may be worth a try for you?

EponasWildDaughter · 25/02/2016 11:16

MNers are not allowed to be anything but understanding councelors but OP is fine to eff and blind at who she likes Hmm

We're the general public OP. Did you know? There's support to be had here, but you have to take responsibility for the information you provide us. If some people feel you sound as if you're not being patient with your DC then they do have a right to express it.

Maybe they've jumped to the wrong conclusion, maybe your posts are not reflecting how things really are - calm down.