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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how the fuck you make friends in your 30s?

73 replies

GeordieBadger · 22/02/2016 15:45

I'm a full-time academic with one close friend and many acquaintances. Feeling ever so lonely as I only ever seem to attract men (with designs) but what I really want is a platonic group of close female friends.

My work is very isolating (work from home most days).

I go to the gym a lot, but seldom do my 'friendships' gravitate outside the gym.

I'm in my 30s(!) and quite a confident person (extrovert, love being around people).

I've started attending a few meetups advertised online but it's early days, and so far nothing deep has conspired. Perhaps people sense my need?

Has anyone found themselves in my situation and clawed themselves out?

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 22/02/2016 15:48

Yes, and I joined the WI!! Depending on where you are, a lot of new urban groups are mostly full of 30 something's and have all sorts of things going on :)

BathtimeFunkster · 22/02/2016 15:48

I made a lot of friends in my 30s through having children.

Also through work.

Sparkletastic · 22/02/2016 15:49

Having a baby sorted it for me. Appreciate that is possibly an extreme course of action though. Have also picked up friends via a wine tasting course, at work, through introductions by mutual friend and by volunteering at weekends.

GinThief · 22/02/2016 15:50

I also work from home and DP works away for weeks at a time. Feel lonely quite often.

I joined my local WI. It has been a great way to meet new friends and also gets me out the house at least once a month if not more now. Would love to have other ideas on how to make new friends?

Carlywurly · 22/02/2016 15:53

My core friends are mainly through work, dps work, courses I've done or school mums over the years. I don't live in the area I grew up in so had to learn to make friends quickly. I'm quite good at finding common ground and building rapport. I also gravitate towards people who are kind, funny and can laugh at themselves.

I've always liked working in offices for the social element. I live alone with the dcs most of the time but get so much interaction all day, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

blinder · 22/02/2016 15:56

I've not tried this but heard lots of good things about it... www.meetup.com

Original poster
GeordieBadger · 22/02/2016 15:56

Is the WI suitable for anyone < 60? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
GeordieBadger · 22/02/2016 15:56

blinder that's the website I mentioned in my OP. It's decent.

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 22/02/2016 15:56

Hmmmm WI eh? I have toyed with this idea before but feel too shy! Maybe I'll contact my local branch and see how old they all are haha :)
Having babies hasn't worked for me yet! Can you join a club to do with your interests, eg I've joined a cake club and going to my first meet up next month. Also what about networking events relevant to your work?
I too crave a real friend. Everyone is an acquaintance! Everyone is understandably busy with their own lives though.

maybemyrtle · 22/02/2016 15:57

OP I could have written your post. I work from home too and sometimes really miss just being around people.

I love the idea of the WI but also feel that I'm not old enough for it yet (I'm 39, probably need to get over myself).

Can you cultivate some of the acquaintances?

Carlywurly · 22/02/2016 15:57

I also had to lose my shyness and will talk to anyone. I'm always getting into conversations with strangers. I'd practise talking to the people you see regularly. Compliment them on something, smile at their dcs, whatever it takes to open a conversation. Keep it short then leave it - next time you see them, make a point of saying hello.

My wise mil told me it takes some people several occasions of seeing someone to feel comfortable chatting. Where I live, that's definitely been my experience. I knew when I met her I'd end up mates with one of my now best friends, but it took a long while to get there.

MonstrousPippin · 22/02/2016 15:58

I joined a choir. Most of my friends are people I met there years ago even though some have moved on from the choir itself now.

GeminiRising · 22/02/2016 15:59

Have you tried Ladies Circle?

www.ladiescircle.co.uk/

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 22/02/2016 16:00

I think you have to let go of this 'ideal' group of friends in your head.

I used to feel a bit like you and wonder what I was doing wrong. Since I somehow found the courage or whatever word you want to use to just pursue my (slightly nerdy) interests I've met tons of great people, both sexes, all ages.

I have tons more friends than I did two years ago. A big group, and others where the friendship is more individual. To plagiarise Facebook, I 'feel blessed' to have these people in my life.

Be yourself, you will find your tribe :)

HopefulHamster · 22/02/2016 16:01

There's a women's group in my town that's supposed to be good. I did the have a baby option. Have also made some good friends online through shared interests but they don't live locally enough to see them.

ChorusLine69 · 22/02/2016 16:01

How about a book club? There's one in my local area that was advertised on a local neighbourhood type forum. Meet once a month in a pub - defs a good way to meet people. Or I also joined a craft group if you enjoy that sort of thing?

AndNowItsSeven · 22/02/2016 16:02

Most of the friends I have made in my thirties have either been toddler groups, mums of my older dc friends or at church.

Babyroobs · 22/02/2016 16:02

I am in a similar situation, have some friends but none local. Despite having had 4 kids, I don't sem to have made any lasting friendships through them. Can anyone give me more info on the WI. I always thought it was mostly cake baking ( in which I have no interest!!).

BendydickCuminsnatch · 22/02/2016 16:03

Just looked at my WI and the meetings are weekday evenings so can't make them due to the baby. Oh well. I am 26 and kind of want friends my own age, so shoot me! Grin
Hmm what else can you try op...... Gym? I really can't give advice as I am in the same sitch, so I'm basically spamming right now, I'm sorry!

OH! Have you looked on your local MN site? One of these threads once led to a Friends thread. Basically everyone on the original thread said they were lonely and would meet up with other local MNers, and then there were spin-off local threads for meet ups.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 22/02/2016 16:05

Just looked up my local WI, and it's on a weekday evening so can't make it due to the baby. Also I'm 26 and would like some friends around my age - so shoot me! Grin

What else can you try... Gym?

Oh have you looked at your mumsnet local site? One of these threads basically ended up with hundreds of posters saying they were lonely and would meet up with other local MNers, which led to spin-off local threads.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 22/02/2016 16:06

Woops double post sorry!

BikeRunSki · 22/02/2016 16:07

Evening class (ok I was still 29, 17 years later we are stil good friends)
cycling club
Baby groups

nailsathome · 22/02/2016 16:08

I'm in the same position too. I lost my friends when I separated from exH. I have no one to go out with.

I'll be looking up WI too

figginz · 22/02/2016 16:08

I just bought some at my NCT antenatal classes but as a pp said getting pregnant is an extreme solution.

Sorry that's not very helpful is it?!

Agree that modern WI is pretty good. As are book clubs / hobby things generally. But I really feel your pain; the whole thing is so daunting and time consuming. Hang on in there with the people you've met, it takes a bit of time to get close to people I think.

BackforGood · 22/02/2016 16:09

I think you need to join a group who are doing something you enjoy -
might be volunteering with something like Scouts or Guides,

or a rambling or climbing club,
or a book club
or a choir or musical society,
or a Church or Mosque {or whatever religion you are},

or something like Rotary club (not sure if there is an upper age limit on Roteract still?), or Lions Club, or WI

Generally though - go to something you will enjoy doing, with the intention of enjoying that activity, rather than with some 'ideal' of a perfect friendship group in mind. Friendships usually evolve over time, through a shared connection, it's not something you can go out and "get"