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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what you do Mother's Day?

139 replies

Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 18:27

It's fast approaching and I am already getting stressed! Currently 34 weeks with dc2 so probably not helping! We see a lot of both mother and mil . DH has informed me that sil has suggested spending the day at mil's this year, but I just don't want to! My mum is away and being heavily pregnant I want to spend some time with my dd before baby arrives. Last year I had both mothers at my house for lunch and normally we see one in morning and one in afternoon but now I would like a little time with my immediate family? DH doesn't see it! He suggested going for breakfast then spending after st mil still don't want to! I would do other way round ! He doesn't really appreciate I am a mother too!

OP posts:
RidersOnTheStorm · 23/02/2016 13:23

OP, you sound very hard work and needy.

lovemyway · 23/02/2016 13:25

My DDs will bring me a tea in bed probably and maybe a card or bunch of daffs or tulips.Nothing elaborate. I don't see MIL as she's not my mum. DH will pop over as she is in same town and give her a card and flowers or similar. While he is there, I will visit my mum and give her a card and gift, then we meet back at home and DH usually cooks dinner and we have a normal Sunday together.

pictish · 23/02/2016 13:25

Yes you're the mother of his children, but you're still not his mother. Let him spend the day with his actual mother if he bloody wants! You should be proud and reassured that your dh is such a kind, thoughtful son. he will lead by example for your own kids.

Women who insist on making Mothers Day Wives Day and a competition between themselves and their mil get on my tits. It's the same every year on here. Me me me me me.

Katenka · 23/02/2016 13:29

Women who insist on making Mothers Day Wives Day and a competition between themselves and their mil get on my tits. It's the same every year on here. Me me me me me.

This is so true.

EponasWildDaughter · 23/02/2016 13:34

i think it's funny that everyone's reading OPs posts wrong, she's repeatedly tried to clarify, and when she gets frustrated she's told she sounds needy! Grin

I get you OP.

I agree with a pp upthread who said that mothers day is a time for those at the coal face of mothering (ie under 18s).

Your DH sees his mum 2 or 3 times a week already. If he really wants to spend the whole of mother's day with her every year then let him. But i wouldn't want him taking the kids with him. They should be spending it with their mum - You.

CooPie10 · 23/02/2016 13:38

Ok now that I get it, I don't think Yabu. How long is he talking of spending with his mum? The rest of the day or just a few hours?

Notso · 23/02/2016 13:48

I really don't understand your problem OP.
What is stopping you from spending the day with your DD if that's what you want? You husband can go off to his Mum and you do something with DD.

Ragwort · 23/02/2016 13:49

Such a fuss about one day - why don't you nominate another 'day' for being a special day for you and your immediate family. let DH go and see his mother (on his own or with DD - whatever suits you) - and you can have a blissful day at home.

In our family we don't tend to make a big thing about 'celebrating' Mother's Day - I hopefully get a card from DS and we are meeting my parents for an evening meal out - but not specifically for 'Mother's Day' - just as a family get together. No MIL any longer but when she was alive I don't recall any fussing over who had 'priority'. Hmm

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 23/02/2016 13:50

Mother's day should be about getting a break from all the grunt work of being a mother imo. Definitely shouldn't involve the mother of young children getting more work to do in order to treat the grandmothers.

EponasWildDaughter · 23/02/2016 13:52

What is stopping you from spending the day with your DD if that's what you want?

Because her DH wants to go to his mothers for the day with their daughter. And wants OP to go too.

Loveleopardprint · 23/02/2016 13:55

I will be getting up early to drive my DD to a rowing competition. Then I will sit in the cold most of the day waiting for her to row. Probably eating bacon roll/ pasties. I will then drive her back to the boathouse and wait for her to unload her boat. Great eh?! The joys of motherhood.

pictish · 23/02/2016 14:00

As an asides, I'd consider a whole day to my very self, while he took the kids off to mils, an absolute treat!

Twooter · 23/02/2016 14:03

I don't think Yabu. I'm not sure why so many others think you are.

sstewart2016 · 23/02/2016 14:05

I don't understand this either. The way I view it, is if for kids arwnt old enough to buy or make something for you then you won't get much.
Let him to go his mother's, you stay in. You don't need to go, there's the heavily pregnant card for a reason 😉
Honestly don't understand why somebody would object to their partner going to see their own mother on mothers day.
Last year I gave my mum a sickness bugGrin but mine is the type to demand gifts and gets pissed off when she doesn't get expensive things. But then I know somebody who has 6 kids all in their teens and she can't remember the last time she got a card on mothers day.

Notso · 23/02/2016 14:09

Because her DH wants to go to his mothers for the day with their daughter. And OP wants to go too.

If they all want to go then what is the problem?

Original poster
Onthedowns · 23/02/2016 14:19

Thank you for the last few posters who get my drift. If I was needy for the last 15 years I wouldn't have gone out of my way to have mil or mother for dinner/lunch. It's not a competition but it's not grandmothers day is it? Why should I not be able to have the afternoon with my dd and DH as I am a mother too? So many missing the point, I don't stop him seeing her and not suggesting he doesn't see her. I thought for my dd also it would be nice to have quality time as a unit as baby will be here very soon. We see mil 2-3 times a week plus phone calls so I don't think it's unreasonable of me or DH to spend whole day with her? I notice no one has moaned at me about including my mother? Or maybe that's because she isn't the one demanding time with her

OP posts:
pictish · 23/02/2016 14:33

If you want her company to mark the date, I think leaving dd home with you would be a good compromise. He can go and see his mum, you and dd can do something nice together.

CaffeineBomb · 23/02/2016 14:36

No it's not grandmothers day but your mil didn't stop being your husbands mum when you had children. Nobody has mentioned your mum because you don't seem to want to see her so it's a bit of a non issue isn't it.

You're stamping your feet because you want your own way and want your DH to spend the day with you not his mum

CaffeineBomb · 23/02/2016 14:39

I agree with Pictish maybe best to do something with dd whilst DH visits mil

Original poster
Onthedowns · 23/02/2016 14:40

I will see my mum but the expectation from her is that I don't need to be their the whole day as I have my own children too. Not stamping my feet but as I keep asking and no one is answering why am I less important as a mother? Especially as my children are not at the age to do lots for me, I don't want them bought up with the notion that when you have your own children, Mother's Day is non existent until your children are grown up and then you will be appreciated

OP posts:
Original poster
Onthedowns · 23/02/2016 14:43

Maybe I should also take the gifts and cards back I have bought Mil as she isn't my mother? If I was that needy and selfish I wouldn't bother would I

OP posts:
pictish · 23/02/2016 14:43

Good grief.

Serendipitystardust1 · 23/02/2016 14:52

Why not suggest he spends the morning with his Mum, taking DD with him, whilst you enjoy a lie in and some peace and quiet. When he gets back you could go out for lunch (if you wish) and spend the rest of the day with your DH and DD.

pictish · 23/02/2016 14:53

Now that sounds good to me!

Original poster
Onthedowns · 23/02/2016 14:58

Serendipitystardust1 This is what I suggested last night but didn't go down well!

OP posts: