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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what you do Mother's Day?

139 replies

Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 18:27

It's fast approaching and I am already getting stressed! Currently 34 weeks with dc2 so probably not helping! We see a lot of both mother and mil . DH has informed me that sil has suggested spending the day at mil's this year, but I just don't want to! My mum is away and being heavily pregnant I want to spend some time with my dd before baby arrives. Last year I had both mothers at my house for lunch and normally we see one in morning and one in afternoon but now I would like a little time with my immediate family? DH doesn't see it! He suggested going for breakfast then spending after st mil still don't want to! I would do other way round ! He doesn't really appreciate I am a mother too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Onthedowns · 22/02/2016 20:34

This is what I don't understand why is it more important for older members? We are all mothers?

OP posts:
pictish · 22/02/2016 21:24

I don't give a toss about Mothers Day either way, but I think it's the done thing to prioritise our mothers rather than go down the but-I'm-a-mother-too road.
We spend our lives with our spouses, day in day out. I guess Mothers Day is a day to put your dear mum, who spent years attending to your needs before her and who loves you very much, first for a change. It's respectful.

When our kids are grown ups they'll do the same for us. Wait your turn woman.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 22/02/2016 21:34

Sorry don't agree. I always showed appreciation to my mum when little I didn't leave until she was older and I was a grown up , your point of view is that things I do now are slightly irrelevant then

OP posts:
mogloveseggs · 22/02/2016 21:36

Relatively new so haven't a clue about mothers day threads but they sound like interesting reading Grin
It's mothering Sunday in our family. Luckily have spied some cards saying that so mum will have one of them and usually a bunch of daffs but they now make her sneeze so probably a bunch of tulips. Dh will get Mil present and take it up whilst we're at church, my mum usually comes to church too. Then we have a brew and cake together after then the day goes on as normal.
Op you're not being unreasonable to want some time with your dd but I suspect compromises may have to be made.

thugmansion · 22/02/2016 21:45

Im with Allegretto. We do nothing. Its a silly made up thing like Valentines Day and Halloween. I dont need a special day to know my kids think of me

AvaLeStrange · 22/02/2016 21:49

DD and I visit my parents every Sunday, so its basically more of the same but with cards & presents. Don't think I've had anything done on my account since DD was 1yo.

She is 11 now though and today we went shopping and she's got me a couple of bits from Lush for MD. We'll still go to my parents on the Sunday, but DH is out all day & evening Saturday so we are going to have a lovely day together - pottery painting, Mexican for lunch, maybe the cinema too. Am really looking forward to it.

pictish · 22/02/2016 21:58

My kids show me appreciation as well. In age appropriate ways. Handmade cards and burned toast in bed, as is within their capabilities. That changes as children mature and become adults.
What more do you want?

SlipperyJack · 22/02/2016 22:00

Well, given that DH (and I'm rethinking the D, aren't I just) just said "we don't really do Mother's Day, do we?" - probably fuck all.

Hmpf.

Piemernator · 22/02/2016 23:16

Avoid going out to lunch or dinner anywhere for the entire weekend.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/02/2016 23:23

Gosh, it doesn't really bother me. I think if you're loved and appreciated all year round, you don't need a special day. We never do anything different from a normal Sunday, although I buy DM flowers and a card, and DH produces something from the DC.

My birthday is just before Mother's Day so I've already had a fuss and been spoiled then!

FelicityFunknickle · 23/02/2016 07:53

Agree with pictish

Original poster
Onthedowns · 23/02/2016 07:56

Sure my 4 year old does lovely things! I don't get why it's more important for mil and mothers? It's almost like saying my job as a mother is irrelevant until my children are adults- btw my mum hasn't stopped mothering me now I am an adult I

OP posts:
ZaZathecat · 23/02/2016 08:19

I agree that mother's day should be mainly about the one doing the mothering currently. A card/flowers should do for the grans and I hope I'll remember that when I am the gran! Having said that I would have felt to guilty not to see my mum on mother's day even when I had all the little children to take care of!

Katenka · 23/02/2016 08:30

Op what is you want?

Because it's not clear.

Do you want home to not see his mother at all on Mother's Day?

Do you not want to go to his mums at all on Mother's Day?

Mothers days is about all mothers, if you choose to do it. That includes your mil.

You have a problem here and I don't think you even know what it is.

whojamaflip · 23/02/2016 08:39

I usually have mil for Sunday roast but this year dd is competing all day so it won't be happening. Dh is perfectly welcome to cook if he wants Grin

I do have dm with me this year for the first for several years but she's being dragged along to the comp to watch her granddaughter.

It's a normal day here for me though - I'll probably get cards off the DC but no fuss is made tbh.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 23/02/2016 09:18

Katenka My problem is the expectation from DH that I will be spending my whole day with mil when actually my feelings as a mother should count especially as heavily pregnant ! I am also making the point that why am I no less important as a mother than my mother or mil - which is the point your making

OP posts:
CaffeineBomb · 23/02/2016 11:11

It basically seems like you're saying I'm more important than my mil because I'm pregnant so DH needs to do what I want him to. I get what you're saying about having young children and not wanting to spend all day at your mils because its your day too but if your DH wants to see his mum you should come up with a reasonable compromise

Katenka · 23/02/2016 11:51

But you said he suggested going over for breakfast. Not breakfast and lunch. So he will be going in the morning and coming back before lunch.

So that seems a fair compromise. I don't know why you aren't happy with that. But you aren't happy with that, why?

It's Mother's Day. She is his mother and he wants to see her. I can't see the big deal.

Him going for breakfast isn't making her more important.

CooPie10 · 23/02/2016 11:59

Why can't he/ all of you see her for breakfast then spend the rest of the day just your family?

FelicityFunknickle · 23/02/2016 12:03

Oh I see (I think). Your dh wants you all (sans MIL) to breakfast together and then all go to see MIL for lunch?
You would rather get mil out of the way early ??

Katenka · 23/02/2016 12:14

Maybe felicity

But I questioned it the other day and didn't get a clear answer. I have mentioned him going to his mums, for breakfast, a few times.

The OP hasn't clarified.

Hurrayitsnotdark · 23/02/2016 12:55

Nothing. I might get a card or might not and will send one to my mum

seagreengirl · 23/02/2016 13:04

What a fuss. When my son is an adult I expect that he will just stick a card in the post and possibly ring. just like me and Dh do for our Mums. Job done!!

Original poster
Onthedowns · 23/02/2016 13:18

No he didn't suggest breakfast!!!!! I did he didn't want to do that he wanted to spend while dat! I don't have any issue with him seeing his mother same as I would have seen mine ( except she isn't kicking up a fuss) I am happy if he goes for breakfast but I object to the whole day and actually why shouldn't I be important when I am the mother of his children?

OP posts:
Katenka · 23/02/2016 13:22

Right so can you suggest he goes for breakfast then comes home before lunch?