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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what you do Mother's Day?

139 replies

Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 18:27

It's fast approaching and I am already getting stressed! Currently 34 weeks with dc2 so probably not helping! We see a lot of both mother and mil . DH has informed me that sil has suggested spending the day at mil's this year, but I just don't want to! My mum is away and being heavily pregnant I want to spend some time with my dd before baby arrives. Last year I had both mothers at my house for lunch and normally we see one in morning and one in afternoon but now I would like a little time with my immediate family? DH doesn't see it! He suggested going for breakfast then spending after st mil still don't want to! I would do other way round ! He doesn't really appreciate I am a mother too!

OP posts:
jelliebelly · 21/02/2016 19:23

I shall be spending the morning watching both my dc playing rugby! My dm is coming to ours for a couple of hours for afternoon tea and we will send flowers to mil who lives 3 hours away and can't be bothered to visit us!

Mother's Day is overrated imo but having small dcs seems to send everybody bonkers over it!

thebestfurchinchilla · 21/02/2016 20:01

This is annoying. To me, Mothers' Day is about a card and flowers and appreciation of your Mum. When you become a mother yourself, I think your own Mther and Mil should back off a bit. My Mum did. My Mil however would announce where she would be 2 weeks in advance. It really annoyed me.

Your DH should take a card and some flowers but then spend the day with you and your DD and DC to be. Surely his DM should be proud that her son is looking after the mother of his children!

ghostyslovesheep · 21/02/2016 20:08

I'm happy with a cup of tea in bed, a bunch of daffs and a home made card - I don't make a huge deal of it

green18 · 21/02/2016 20:08

I really don't rate Mothers's day. My DC used to make a card, now they buy one. They'll bring me a cuppa in bed, maybe a bunch of daffs, perfect..That's it and it's lovely. The words they write and their kind gestures mean more than anything.I would hate to be taken out to sit there on show like all the other mums having a carvery or pub lunch. It's so fake, just like Valentines's day.
Mum and Mil get a card. I buy Mum flowers and DH buys something for his mum and takes it over. I don't see mil on that day, I see my mum then spend the day with my DC.

CakeNinja · 21/02/2016 20:13

We normally have mil round for a roast and then in the evening i take my DM/stepdad/little sister out for a nice dinner.
My own DC make me a card, dp takes them out to choose me something and that's it for us.
It's just a day, you spend time with your dd every day anyway, you seem to be making an issue out of nothing. Either speak up or put up.

captainfarrell · 21/02/2016 20:15

cake How can you fit in a dinner after a roast????

Original poster
Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 20:18

But isn't your own parents spend time with you when you were little? Why does it mean they get provisio now? So I don't get the you spend time every day bit? I work my dd is st nursery so mon to Friday aren't quality time days. I am making an issue out of being told where I should spend my day by firstly sil and then DH with no consideration that I might want time as a family.

OP posts:
thebestfurchinchilla · 21/02/2016 20:24

OP you do what you want to do. You asked what we all do though.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 20:37

No of course I was just responding to the 'you see your children everyday ' comment. I genuinely interested to see how it works in other family's ? And why it seems to be the norm that even when you are a mother yourself and work harder with younger children, but your mil and mother seem to take precedence? It's just a funny concept

OP posts:
CakeNinja · 21/02/2016 20:40

captain I don't really! I tend to hold back at the roast and then have a starter as my main at dinner Grin

It's still only one day though isn't it? Presumably if you're only 34 weeks pg there are a few more weekends left before the baby arrives. And are you not having maternity leave? Plenty of time to keep your dd off for a day here and there if you need to spend more time.

TheHighPriestessOfTinsel · 21/02/2016 20:40

we're going to see MIL
normally I get taken out for lunch at a venue of my choosing, but this is MIL's first mother's day without her mother, so we've told her that she can choose and we'll fit in with that.

pictish · 21/02/2016 20:48

The kids will probs have hand made cards and bring me breakfast in bed. Dh will go and see his mum with flowers. My mum died years ago.

Like a pp said, now begins the Mothers Day me-versus-mil whining on mumsnet.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 20:52

Well I might not have many weekends and won't be taking her out of nursery when I am paying. It's either mother or mil but my mil is more presumptuous about it. Every year I have done lunch/dinner with both or either. I don't expect lavish presents or huge gestures ! Just the time element I don't get!

OP posts:
jellycat1 · 21/02/2016 21:00

Will be in hospital with a hopefully healthy happy 24+hr old baby boy! DS2 being enticed out by induction on the Friday :)

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 21/02/2016 21:11

Why can't he go and spend the day with his mum and you spend the day with your children? You're not his mum but she is.

I don't subscribe to the theory that being married means parents become second best. DH won't always have his mum and dad around so if he wants to spend time with them on those special days I would never begrudge it.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 21:13

I would like to think his own children and wife would actually come before his parents to a certain degree? Dependant on situation?

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesArePretty · 21/02/2016 21:17

But it's Mother's Day and you aren't his mother!! It's not wife's day.

So many people hype it up into some huge big deal just like Valentine's. Most don't need meals, cards and gifts just because the shops tell us too. MN will be full of posts on Mother's Day complaining the gift wasn't enough, they weren't waited on enough and heaven forbid any aduly dare want to spend time with their own mum.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 21/02/2016 21:28

When I was younger it was very much mostly about my mum on Mother's day (not my grandmothers!) I therefore expect similar Grin We obviously do cards/gifts for my mum/ MIL but we don't have to see them on the day

Original poster
Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 21:29

But why do others mothers take precedence? I am a mother too and heavily pregnant so in effect your saying it's only the mothers with adults as children that should be acknowledged Mother's Day? Like I said not into gifts flowers etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Onthedowns · 21/02/2016 21:31

AndYourBirdCanSing This is the point I am trying to make!

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesArePretty · 21/02/2016 21:34

Why only adult children? Surely the day with your own small ones is enough?

Presumably your DH will help your Dd make a card if she doesn't do one at nursery.

Moomintroll85 · 21/02/2016 21:39

I agree with green. I don't see mothers day as a thing really. I get a card from my DS, (well DP as DS is a toddler!) and I send my own mum flowers. Apart from that it's just a normal day. Have never done the whole big fancy lunch thing. Having lunch with both my mum and MIL, christ no thanks! They're both excruciating and in polar opposite ways Confused

OP just stay home and say you are feeling tired/ill with the pregnancy if you need an excuse. And your DH can go to his mum's.

All the best with your little one jellycat Grin

MadisonAvenue · 21/02/2016 21:40

My MIL lives 200 miles away, my husband visited last week and I sent her card and present with him, I'm certain she would've preferred him to go on the day though.
I'll call in to see my Mom for an hour, with a card and flowers or a gift, and then I'll go home to sulk about the fact that no one has thought to get me anything or do anything special for me. That's how it usually works anyway so I don't expect this year to be any different.
I might sound bitter but Father's Day is never missed, and neither is anyone's birthday but I never get anything for Mother's Day, my birthday or Christmas because no one thinks to do anything for me.

*husband and sons.

escapedfrommordor · 21/02/2016 21:54

Another really excited mner here. I can't wait for the MIL mothers day threads.

SaucyJack · 21/02/2016 22:07

I do what I like on MD, as does DP. We are not joined at the hip.

I refuse to spend it sitting bored shitless at the ILs while FIL waffles on about it being MILs special day.

Nopey nope.