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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm being U aren't I? Talk me down. DP not home or answering his phone.

138 replies

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 11:28

He went out last night to a friends which is 1.5 hours drive away.

They were obviously up until the early hours and now he's not answering his phone.

Presumably he's asleep. He didn't tell me he has any intention of taking today 'off' so I'm a bit pissed off. I've had the kids all week as its half term, they are bouncing off the walls and I've exhausted softplay and parks this week, I was looking forward to some help.

Fuck knows when he'like be back.

OTOH he never goes out let alone does this. I go out more often than him (still rarely though) and I ALWAYS tell him if I'm staying out (well, I've done it once) and I'm back in the morning.

I should just let it go this once shouldn't I? But I'm struggling to feel fair about this.

I have to take the kids out again (they are climbing the walls) and I really don't want to. I have to get food from Tesco and I'm going to have to drag them with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 15:07

Well not 'much' older. But old enough to be in the 'know'.

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 20/02/2016 15:08

It sounds like your day just utterly sucks. Order takeaway tonight and as soon as your husband is back have a looooong bath.

Original poster
IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 15:10

That sounds amazing.

OP posts:
BeautifulLiar · 20/02/2016 15:13

Oh right. I probably would be Blush pregnant hormonal bitch

Costacoffeeplease · 20/02/2016 15:13

Am I the only one reading this who thinks "How the fuck does a four year old know the word 'arsehole'?"

No, I was just thinking the same

bonzo77 · 20/02/2016 15:15

I'm with the op. On everything. The week with the little ones. The wanting to share the load. The frustration over lack of communication, even though I'm part responsible and made an assumption. And looking round watching others having "family time" while you're going it alone, again. And knowing that a bath and glass of wine are not the point. Nor a "day off tomorrow " when actually you want that family time. And actually despite all that wanting another baby. Even though you know it will bring more of the same. Oh, I had the next baby. It brought more of the same: he is cute though! And I know I brought it on myself a bit!

RaspberryOverload · 20/02/2016 15:21

Am I the only one reading this who thinks "How the fuck does a four year old know the word 'arsehole'?" ?!

In my case, DS picked it up at nursery from another child. We certainly didn't use it at home.

The child in the OP is not in a sterile environment. Could have picked up anywhere, and from my own experience, soft play had a lot of young kids in our area who were very free with certain words.

Mouthfulofquiz · 20/02/2016 15:21

On the one hand, whilst I know you are being a little bit unreasonable... I completely completely see where you are coming from. And wanted to send you some Wine Brew Cake
Because sometimes looking after kids is really tough and having someone to help with the load is all you need. I may well be writing this myself in a few weeks when my DH goes on a stag do for 3 days while I look after 2 small kids and happen to be 33 weeks pregnant by then... Whilst I know he deserves a break (this is a rare rare treat) and he is a great dad and husband - I just know I'm going to feel cross and hard done by for the entire time. Natural.
Hope your day improves OP.

SuperFlyHigh · 20/02/2016 15:25

To be honest with you I agree with all you say but why can't your DH have this eg every 3 or 6 months, time away from you and kids as you do this too eg go out? After 17 years of being of being a 'good boy' sounds like he relishes the occasional night out.

Let him let off steam and/or relax and let him see his own friends unless you socialise with mutual friends too. Sounds like (don't pounce on me) he needs the occasional day off, you can reclaim it in other ways. And the suggestions here are fine re what to do with the little angels!

Original poster
IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 15:25

If he's not back by 4 I will be messaging him again.

I'll say I'm not angry but I am desperate. I'm sick of breaking up fights between the kids, wondering if he'll even bother coming back at all.

Maybe he hasn't even left yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 15:27

Please don't think he hasn't had a 'day off' in 17 years. Hmm

He has regular days all to himself. He has regular evenings all to himself. Child and me free.
He isn't in desperate need for a day off. He's had way, way more than me recently. Believe me.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 20/02/2016 15:27

And ensure when he does this you have as little to do as possible eg takeaway etc and maybe have long bath when he's away etc.

I appreciate it's stressful trying for a baby he maybe feels overwhelmed with that pressure too. Only you two know about that.

SuperFlyHigh · 20/02/2016 15:28

Not what it sounded like from your OPs OP. We don't know what your marriage/relationship is like unless you tell us.

Original poster
IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 15:29

Me being very fucking impatient text him this.

Genuinely hope you had a fab night and a great day off.

But please can I ask when you're back? I've had the kids all week and I stupidly thought you would be back this afternoon and I'm at the end of my tether with two very very bored children. I've done soft play and parks to death this week.

OP posts:
MilleniumTalcum · 20/02/2016 15:32

What the hell?? People are so quick to jump on the pissy band wagon on MN lately Brew

OP you know you're being a bit U and are clearly just wound up after a week with small ones (I've only got one but am a single parent and it's been intense...). It's farkin' annoying when you think something's going to happen with kids/the day and then it goes to shit. Even if you should have talked about it more before (he clearly wasn't going to be home until much later etc). He's not really done anything terrible though. Just bad communication.

Put it down to one of those things and try and get a moment to yourself at some point between now and school starting again once he's back Wine

Original poster
IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 15:33

Oh thank fuck. He's back in 10 mins.

Thanks for seeing me through this thread, through my anger and alcoholism (seriously I'm on my second gin) and being empathetic and understanding. Apart from the poster who said she could see why my friends were 'busy' that was fucking out of order
I'm off.

Flowers
OP posts:
MilleniumTalcum · 20/02/2016 15:35

I take it back Grin

That sounds a bit shit. (Slight dripfeed but I'm sure you didn't mean to) Wink

Finola1step · 20/02/2016 15:36

I hear you Fart. Just typing that made me giggle Grin.

I get what you're saying. February half term is always the tough one - crap weather, busy soft play etc.

You've battled it out all week and you were looking forward to sharing the load a bit today. Which I think is fine.

You are not pissed off because he went out. Nor because he stayed over. Its because you just needed for today to be different. But its not and that's crap.

So here is some Cake and Wine. Enjoy.

DownstairsMixUp · 20/02/2016 15:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 15:59

He's back, got in, massive cuddle and now he's playing with ds in the living room while start dinner in the kitchen.

Bliss is restored.

OP posts:
DeoGratias · 20/02/2016 16:00

SIlly man. Very unfair. We never had this though we both worked full time and I earned 10x what he did - economic power to women tends to get you the relationships you want. It is always in the money, power and control.

BabyGanoush · 20/02/2016 16:10

ahhhh....the end of February half term....

I used to find my SAHM life very tough every february half term, hardest week of the year with small kids IMO, esp if you are on your own.

My Dh also had a hobby, that meant he was out all of Saturday...

and I remember harbouring VERY petty feelings about ME wanting a day off too.

I love my kids and DH but you have these moments of despair and feel that you need a break.

Still, give him a break and make sure you plan some time off maybe for next weekend.

The only way to get time off as a mum, for me, is by actually leaving the house. I joined a gym just so I could use the sauna and have a quiet coffee in the cafe Blush, and have 1-2 hours to myself every now and then...

And just get the kids out there! We were at a country park on Wednesday in the pissing rain and it was heaving with half term mums and their offspring .... twas funny in a way, such cold wet picnics...but it has to be done!

Original poster
IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 16:32

Deo we both work full time and I earn more than him. I'm not sure I agree with your theory in this instance.

OP posts:
PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker · 20/02/2016 16:36

Babe, I hear you. Husband is back in duty, take yourself and your third gin to the bath and lock the door. You're entitled to have shitty days and whinge about them. Completely normal. WineFlowers

needastrongone · 20/02/2016 16:41

Deo?? My DH is/was a high earner. He also is the fairest, kindest and most 'equal minded' soul you could wish to meet. What has your earning potential got to do with your basic character?

Is he home yet OP, can you escape to a darkened room with a (bottle of) gin? Grin

Fair point too about Feb half term, the crappiest school holiday to fill.