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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm being U aren't I? Talk me down. DP not home or answering his phone.

138 replies

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 11:28

He went out last night to a friends which is 1.5 hours drive away.

They were obviously up until the early hours and now he's not answering his phone.

Presumably he's asleep. He didn't tell me he has any intention of taking today 'off' so I'm a bit pissed off. I've had the kids all week as its half term, they are bouncing off the walls and I've exhausted softplay and parks this week, I was looking forward to some help.

Fuck knows when he'like be back.

OTOH he never goes out let alone does this. I go out more often than him (still rarely though) and I ALWAYS tell him if I'm staying out (well, I've done it once) and I'm back in the morning.

I should just let it go this once shouldn't I? But I'm struggling to feel fair about this.

I have to take the kids out again (they are climbing the walls) and I really don't want to. I have to get food from Tesco and I'm going to have to drag them with me.

OP posts:

Headmelt · 20/02/2016 13:18

Hormones are full on around ov so give yourself a break. You'll feel better from some fresh air, the park is a good idea. Why not give your dc a movie afternoon when you get home. It will keep them busy and you can relax with a nice cup of coffee

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 20/02/2016 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuluJakey1 · 20/02/2016 13:20

No you aren't. Take them to the park and let them run round in the rain- they'll love it as long as it isn't tipping it down. Then let them have some pizza and watch a DVD. Do an online shop and just stop and buy necessities for tonight somewhere- until it is delivered.
Buy yourself some crisps and a bottle of wine and chill out.
Let him deal with them when he gets home- he sounds a nice man to me who has had a very rare night out and enjoyed it. He'll be a better dad and husband for a very tiny break.

Anniegetyourgun · 20/02/2016 13:20

To be fair, your text to him could be read as being a little snippy. Understandably so, perhaps, but it looks like his is defensive in reply (more that than arsey IMO). Good thing he doesn't do this sort of thing often.

Bung the kids in front of some cartoons with crisps etc and ignore the screams, that's what I'd have done. If they're screaming they can't be dead, right?

nanetterose · 20/02/2016 13:23

Would you have 'allowed' him to go if you suspected he'd take the whole day?
Not being snide, just can't see how he has really moved the goalposts.
It is the difference of about two hours.

MalinHebrides · 20/02/2016 13:24

Ahh, you'll be all right. I'm not surprised you're cheesed off though, I would be too. Get yourself a treat in Tesco maybe to bribe yourself out of your bad mood - chocolate, bubble bath, a trashy mag? Hope the day gets better for you.

Borninthe60s · 20/02/2016 13:26

Text him the shopping list and ask him to get on way home. Or minute he comes in disappear to tesco for a bit of peace.

notquitehuman · 20/02/2016 13:27

That'd annoy me too. If he knows he's got a 1.5 hour drive ahead of him, then he shouldn't get so drunk he can't drive the next morning. He could have switched to soft drinks at midnight, especially since it's half term and you're stressed out.

If it helps, I've been stuck at home for four days with a sick kid while DH at work. I was supposed to get on with my work today, but DH 'nipped out' at 9am and he's still not back. So now I'll be working until late into the evening and probably tomorrow too. Grr.

BikeGeek · 20/02/2016 13:31

YABU

I don't understand why there wasn't any conversation beforehand.

If my OH had told me he was staying over somewhere, I'd have asked what time he expected to be back the next day. Not assumed and then got irritated when my assumptions were wrong.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 20/02/2016 13:37

It boils down to communication doesn't it. OP thinking one thing and her DP thinking another. OP, it's too late now but it would have been better to have had a chat about expectations before he went out, such as:

You: DP, when will you be back tomorrow?
DP: well, it's going to be a late one, so probably won't even get up until midday (ish) then it's a 1.5 hour drive home, so realistically it's not going to be until mid afternoon at the earliest.
You: Can you get back sooner than that? Only I've had the kids all week as its half term, they are bouncing off the walls and I've exhausted softplay and parks this week, I shall need some help. And I'm ovulating and we should make the most of it.

Grapejuicerocks · 20/02/2016 13:41

Please don't give the man a hard time for such a rare night out. The poor bloke had a lovely night away, assuming that it is obvious he wasn't going to be home that early given that he was drinking. He will probably be driving home consumed with guilt and wondering what the reaction he will get when he gets back. Don't spoil his treat.

Text him back, tell him you hope that he has had a nice time and not to rush back.

Then tomorrow or even next weekend ensure that you get time to do something that you enjoy.

Everyone needs a break now and then. I think it is healthy to do things for yourself occassionally and let your partner do the same with good grace.

Now if it was every weekend, it would be a different matter...

Original poster

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 13:43

needascarf he has been at work all week yes. After two weeks off no kids as well. Although that definitely wasn't his choice! But yes I agree with what you're saying.

Annie my message was snippy. I'm guilty there.

nette of course I would have 'let' him! I'd have made plans with the kids, been out, been busy. Instead I'm sat in fucking soft play again. All my friends are busy because I asked them last minute if they were free. It's just annoying that I had no 'notice'.

And yes we definitely should have had the conversation before hand. I

OP posts:

Original poster

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 13:45

Urgh there's two dads here with their angelic toddling girls and my 4 year old just shouted out that he 'banged his arse hole on the slide'.

FML.

OP posts:

Original poster

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 13:48

This is worse than being at home. They are fighting and screeching.

I really don't want to sit in a cold wet park.

OP posts:

deregistered · 20/02/2016 13:50

I had sympathy for you at the beginning of the thread even though you were BU and knew it.

Now you are sounding excessively petulant.

He's having one night out/day off in years.

It's raining, so what - go home and stick a DVD on FFS.

There are many of us on our own with kids in the rain today you know, for various reasons.

If you give your dh a hard time when he gets in you are really unkind.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 20/02/2016 13:53

Sorry for your plight OP but I did just LOL at 'banged his arse hole on the slide'

CooPie10 · 20/02/2016 13:54

I completely misread your op as him going out and not letting you know he's staying. Anyway I think you're being v v UR.
It's one rare night in over a decade. Give him a break. You sent him a snippy text and he has a right to be upset if he gets back.
It's one day, your children don't need fun and excitement 24/7 , just take them home put on a movie and stop making a huge issue over it.

Original poster

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 13:59

take them home and put a movie on

I've tried that!

Maybe I am being petulant but I'm getting more and more pissed off with the behaviour of my youngest. He just threw an air punch at an 18 month old.
I'm shaking I'm so angry.

This has gone past my issue with my partner, now I'm just having a bad day and reached my parenting limits.

OP posts:

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 20/02/2016 14:00

It's one night out, you admit you go out more than him and presumably he has the children then so I don't see anything wrong.

It's three children, surely you can entertain them indoors for the day. Book Tesco online if you find it that much of a chore.

Never understand why people have multiple children then complain about looking after them.

After that comment in the park mine would have gone home anyway, what horrible language from a small child.

Original poster

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 14:00

Just so we're al clear I KNOW I'm being unreasonable.

I've held my hands up to that. Now I'm just ranting because I've had enough - in general.

OP posts:

Original poster

IThoughtItWasAFart · 20/02/2016 14:02

All of a sudden I'm not feeling very broody....

OP posts:

LeaLeander · 20/02/2016 14:02

You sound like hard work. Don't want this, don't like that, gripe gripe gripe. Surprised you are trying for another kid if caring for the existing ones on a rainy day is so onerous
What a buzzkill to start texting "where the f are you?" to your partner after he's had a rare night out. Take the wind right out of his sails and no doubt he is now REALLY looking forward to arriving home. He'll pay the price for his fun, I am sure. Poor guy.

OnlyLovers · 20/02/2016 14:03

I don't really think you are being U, if it helps this late in the game.

He should have given you an idea of when he'd be back and stuck to it, not assumed you'd be perfectly happy to have the kids all day on your own.

It's a pain going shopping with them, even more so when it could be avoided if both their parents were around.

Have a and some

needastrongone · 20/02/2016 14:03

I agree with deregistered. I did think he was being a tad U initially, but, OP, I really think you are being a bit 'spoilt' now

No offence, I know it's hard. DH was working all hours when the DC were little, but your DH hardly guilty of doing this very often is he? I think he might feel a bit resentful if you are snipey at him when he gets back, give him the day generously, but then do your thing tomorrow.

Go and play with your kids now!!

Ginslinger · 20/02/2016 14:04

I'd have had more than enough too - would eating help?

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