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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it is cruel to pick on a man for this

167 replies

alpacaonfire · 18/02/2016 21:57

There is a young guy on our office relatively recently joined. Although he's early ish 20s he is significantly bald. My female manager early 30s is forever commenting on it, sometimes on front of him sometimes not. He smiles and laughs along but I sense he is actually quite hurt by the things she says and embarrassed about his baldness and relative youth. AIBU?

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 22:14

Probably yes

Words fail me.

FlatOnTheHill · 19/02/2016 22:27

Ilovesooty
I work for a large company. I have never asked them if they have an anti bullying policy. Ive never had to. Im sure they would.
Im sure most people would not have a clue what policies their company has.
Why do words fail you? Im sure this policy is something most have not had to deal with. Why are you acting shocked

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 22:35

In my company all workers have induction training so that they're fully aware of all the policies. They also have to sign to say they've read and understood them. The policies are also on our extranet and paper copies are available on all offices.
If you seriously think most people are not aware of their company's policies which underpin their ethos and vision as well as their code of conduct I'm appalled.

FlatOnTheHill · 19/02/2016 22:47

Ilovesooty
I dont know what industry you are in. Sounds like public sector maybe.
I work for large insurance brokers. When you get the job you are given a contract of employment and that is it. I dont know why you are so shocked to be honest. Im sure if anyone at our company needs advice on certain policies then they go and see HR. Never in all my years in the City of London have I ever had induction training.

Original poster

alpacaonfire · 19/02/2016 23:05

I have reported the bullying to HR. Will all those that have posted please pledge as I have done NOT to take the piss out of someone experiencing this. It could one day be your DS.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 23:14

Well said alpaca

Flat I work for a charity. I assume that you're also unaware of such matters as your company's equality and diversity policy and its health and safety policy?

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 23:21

Or its data protection and confidentiality policy?

blindsider · 19/02/2016 23:29

Sounds like an expensive employment tribunal in the making....

FlatOnTheHill · 19/02/2016 23:35

Ilovesooty
All companies have those policies in place. I dont know anyone that could quote from them or even know anything about them unless they found themselves in a situation whereby they would need to refer to them.
Those policies are in place for protection should the need arise. They are policies that in general most people do not need to use or refer to in their working life. So dont be shocked that most dont know what they contain and what they are used for.

FlatOnTheHill · 19/02/2016 23:40

Alpaca
No decent human being would take the piss or be nasty to someone.
Its generally done by those horrible people that get some form of sick pleasure out of belittling people. This manager clearly has issues that should be dealt with. No doubt a sociopath!

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 23:41

I regard it as my responsibility to know what is in my company policies. Not to be able to quote from them but to be aware of the basic content. If you don't hold that view and your employer isn't concerned I suppose that's between you and them.

thebiscuitindustry · 20/02/2016 00:34

Well done for reporting it alpaca. The world would be a better place if more people reported bullying when they see it.

PitilessYank · 20/02/2016 02:06

Nice job, Alpaca. Will you follow up with HR to make sure that they have dealt with it? I always worry that these things will get dropped.

PitilessYank · 20/02/2016 02:13

I was in Mexico City not long ago and these anti-discrimination signs were everywhere! They note that it is not permitted to discriminate due to race, religion, sexual orientation, physical or socioeconomic condition, or "any other reason."

I just thought they were terrific.

to think it is cruel to pick on a man for this

Italiangreyhound · 20/02/2016 02:27

alpacaonfire please report this. It is unacceptable.

Please stick up for him in front of others.

Whether you tell him you are on his side or not is up to you.

He is smiling and playing along perhaps because he is not sure what to else to do.

Your boss may be in her thirties but she sounds like she is 13. She should not do this at all, ever, in jest, as a joke or for any other lame reason!

Good luck.

SirChenjin · 20/02/2016 09:10

I am concerned Flat. No-one should be so apathetic towards bullying, or unaware of what to do when they witness bullying or unsure of whether or not their company has a bullying policy - we have a collective responsibility to stamp out workplace bullying and we can do so by having a good understanding of the above. You may not be able to quote from it, but you should at least be aware of its existence and deal with workplace bullying appropriately. Hopefully this thread has improved your awareness of the issue though, and you're more educated as a result.

Alpaca - well done for reporting it. It's the only way to stop bullies in their tracks.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 20/02/2016 09:31

Er, I read company policies as well as my contract in any new job, so I know where to go with different situations. Am I abnormal? I've also had inductions in all but the most casual of jobs where we are either taken through the policies or at least pointed to them on the intranet or wherever.

ilovesooty · 20/02/2016 09:35

Decaff Thank you. I honestly think and hope that you and I are the norm, as are our employers.

FlatOnTheHill · 20/02/2016 09:36

Sirchen
If I saw bullying in my workplace then I would go straight to one of our Directors. I dont need to educate myself on Policies. Its common sense that tells you to report it surely.

ilovesooty · 20/02/2016 09:47

Yesterday you were saying you wouldn't report it unless the person who was being bullied was ok with it Flat
Unsurprising that some us feel your understanding of sound workplace policy and procedure is limited.

ilovesooty · 20/02/2016 09:50

And Flat if you bothered to read your policies I imagine that dealing with this issue is part of someone's specific responsibility before involving company directors.

SirChenjin · 20/02/2016 09:55

What ilove said. I can only assume that your change in approach from yesterday is a result of what you've learned on this thread, which is great (although it would be very unusual to go straight to the Director of a large insurance company if you witnessed bullying)

MrsJayy · 20/02/2016 09:57

flat yesterday you said but he is a man he can deal with it now you are saying you would report bullying I wonder if you see this kind of thing as teasing and a bit of banter. Op glad you reported this and your manager is spoken to

FlatOnTheHill · 20/02/2016 09:58

Decaf
Who is saying you are abnormal?
I work for a big London Brokers. If there are any issues Then you speak to your Director of department and take it from there. If not then HR.
You dont need to read a policy to tell you how to report something. Its pure common sense. However the policies are set in place for your protection.
All we ever got was contract of employment. But in saying that our company is very much an open door policy with top management. Some people worry about reporting things and are scared of the word 'management'. Its not like that where we are. I think its the public sector companies ie Councils that are so hot on stipulating every rule and regulation going.

FlatOnTheHill · 20/02/2016 09:59

MrsJayy
In not in that chaps office so could not comment. None of us know that answer. Only the OP

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