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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is cruel to pick on a man for this

167 replies

alpacaonfire · 18/02/2016 21:57

There is a young guy on our office relatively recently joined. Although he's early ish 20s he is significantly bald. My female manager early 30s is forever commenting on it, sometimes on front of him sometimes not. He smiles and laughs along but I sense he is actually quite hurt by the things she says and embarrassed about his baldness and relative youth. AIBU?

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 18/02/2016 22:45

That's horrible. I'd suggest to manager she cools it.

sinnershome · 18/02/2016 22:45

Almost worth pretending with his blessing to have sh**ged him and put it about he is dynamite in the sack and hung like s tree trunk in retribution..

MadamDeathstare · 18/02/2016 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 18/02/2016 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadisonAvenue · 18/02/2016 22:58

That is so cruel. Is there anyone you can report her to, she's a nasty bully.

I've been bullied over something to do with my appearance, due to health problems I had in the past, and it bloody hurts. I always tried to laugh it off and go along with the jokes even though I was breaking down inside. Wouldn't wish that on anyone.

IronOrchid · 18/02/2016 22:58

Ooh, that's mean. She must be getting something out of it to carry on so much, which smacks of bullying.

Not sure what the solution is, but she needs to zip it! Poor chap.

Muldjewangk · 18/02/2016 23:07

My SIL is going bald and has become very depressed over it. Even his DM and three sisters would comment every time they saw him. He stopped going to his parents house to avoid the bald jokes. DD had a talk to her MIL about it and said it has to stop.

One time I was at GS's school and SIL's sister was there too. She joked that my GS would become bald like his father, she thought it hilarious. I was really annoyed and told her that her family go on and on about it and her sons were just as likely to go bald as my grandson.

It's very ignorant and bullying behaviour and your manager should be reported.

decisionsdecisions123 · 18/02/2016 23:14

How horrible. How do the other people at work react when she says those things? I think I would just look at her with a stony face and show him a bit of support while at the same time taking things to a higher level.

Paddletonio · 18/02/2016 23:17

Awful, unprofessional and stupid woman Angry

I feel bad for this guy being bullied like this. My DP is balding and he is gorgeous and lovely and wonderful, however he is a bit conscious about it and I know he would be upset if a colleague was constantly making comments, even though he would try to brazen it out.

Someone needs to tell her to stop it.

Original poster
alpacaonfire · 18/02/2016 23:18

They either play along or don't say anything which is what I have done. But I think enough is enough. I really want to put my arms around him I do.

OP posts:
Jenboy · 18/02/2016 23:19

Absolutely awful. You sound very kind.

A very dear friend of mine went bald in his early 20's too. It had a huge effect on his confidence with women. He is now happily married to a wonderful woman but he openly says now that it caused him enormous stress and he worried that women wouldn't be able to look past it. baldness is always a source of ridicule and I don't think society in general appreciate the impact this has on men. Especially lads in their early 20's. Poor guy.

MadamDeathstare · 18/02/2016 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jenboy · 18/02/2016 23:21

Well said, madamdeathstare.

FlatOnTheHill · 18/02/2016 23:33

Agree. But dont get involved. If he is that bothered im sure he can sort it out.

thebiscuitindustry · 18/02/2016 23:43

If he is that bothered im sure he can sort it out.

He's not in the best position to do that himself really. He's very new, he's young, and I'm guessing he's in a subordinate role in the office compared to the manager

zzzzz · 18/02/2016 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2016 23:47

Why shouldn't the OP get involved?

Anyone who witnesses bullying should get involved imo.

I think ABetaDad1's idea is a good one.

Strokethefurrywall · 18/02/2016 23:49

I would have me hesitation in reporting her and/or pulling her up on it if she does it again, especially in front of people.
What she is doing is cruel and unnecessary. Driving the point home, I would bring up something she may not like about herself and ask her how she'd feel if someone were to make public comments about it.
My DH shaves his head and is paranoid about his thinning hair, but has the total Jason Statham thing going on. I bloody love a shaved head!

Corygal1 · 18/02/2016 23:55

Manager is a spiteful little bully.

BackInTheRealWorld · 19/02/2016 00:02

I am not so keen on betadads suggestion purely because I think it puts even more pressure on him. I really think it is better to say that YOU aren't comfortable with it. Say that YOU would find it very upsetting to have someone constantly taking the piss out of YOUR appearance and surely wouldn't she as well?
Sometimes people don't really realise how hurtful they are being, sometimes they need a little nudge to gain awareness of their behaviour.

TitClash · 19/02/2016 00:12

I'd say something to make her STFU.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/02/2016 00:22

FlatOnTheHill
If he is that bothered im sure he can sort it out.

There are so many things wrong with your post that it is really hard to know where to begin.

FithColumnist · 19/02/2016 00:25

Flat, that is a less than charming attitude to take.

OP, your boss is being offensive and discriminatory. Obviously your colleague, being young and new, is going to try to laugh it it off. He shouldn't have to: what your boss is doing is bullying.

StillMedusa · 19/02/2016 00:25

Poor lad. My dh went bald in his early twenties..he was 26 when I met him and it was well on its way out... he was gorgeous then and gorgeous..very bald... now.

It's bullying plain and simple and if you are a brave sort of person, then taking the manager aside and saying 'stop it or I will put in a complaint on his behalf' might be enough to shut her up.

Of course, what I would WANT to do is comment on some less-than-perfect- aspect of HER appearance and then say..'see how that feels?!' Keep it up for a few days until she is squirming...

SolidGoldBrass · 19/02/2016 00:28

Does this manager make remarks and 'jokes' about other staff? Does she focus on people's weight/dress sense/unusual hobbies/personal habits? Could she be one of those people who thinks that this sort of unfunny teasing counts as 'banter' and that everyone else should automatically understand that it's 'just the way she is and she means no harm'? Or is it just this one bloke she picks on? If there is a longstanding workplace culture of everyone calling everyone else things like Fatty and Four Eyes and endlessly recycling stories of the time a colleague threw up at the office party or lost a vital document then it might be harder to address. But if it's just him, and if she encourages the rest of you to laugh at him as well, then it's definitely workplace bullying and could cost the company a lot of money if he decides to sue...

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