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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is cruel to pick on a man for this

167 replies

alpacaonfire · 18/02/2016 21:57

There is a young guy on our office relatively recently joined. Although he's early ish 20s he is significantly bald. My female manager early 30s is forever commenting on it, sometimes on front of him sometimes not. He smiles and laughs along but I sense he is actually quite hurt by the things she says and embarrassed about his baldness and relative youth. AIBU?

OP posts:
bringambuy · 19/02/2016 00:38

Bullying. What's her problem?

PitilessYank · 19/02/2016 00:51

Oh, this makes me so upset! My husband started to go bald in his twenties and ended up getting a hairpiece, he felt so badly about it. I managed to talk him into getting rid of it a few years after we met, and I recall my family all gushing over how great he looked without it, and the pleased look on his face.

There is a lovely man in our office who is balding in his 20s and I have never heard anyone make reference to it. We also have several rather obese people and there is absolutely no unpleasant talk at all about it.

I would be considerably less tactful than ABetaDad, (who always writes great posts, I must say.) I just get so angry at this sort of thing. I would tell her that she is creating a hateful environment, and she should stop immediately.

TheNewStatesman · 19/02/2016 00:53

Horrid behavior!

A quiet word to HR is needed.

FlatOnTheHill · 19/02/2016 17:28

Thebuscuit
He is in his 20s. He is not 16. Yes its bloody horrible to take piss out of his baldness. But he does not need someone else to sort this out for him.
He is a man and im sure he can do it himself if he wanted to. Being new does not come into it.

SirChenjin · 19/02/2016 17:36

Yep - she's a bully, and just because he's a man in his 20s doesn't mean that it should go unchallenged. Being new to a workplace and trying not to rock the boat whilst understanding the dynamics and politics is difficult enough - it's up to the other staff to stand up for him and tell her to zip it.

Does she make a habit of making fun of people's appearances or is she saving a special level of twattishness for him?

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/02/2016 18:07

FlatOnTheHill

He like any recently joined person is in a vulnerable position, on the say so of his manager he can be removed with no explanation. He won't have savings to fall back on and will be looking at his manager to treat him correctly.

I would be straight in to HR with this.

Your attitude to this is very poor.

bringambuy · 19/02/2016 18:27

It isn't just his problem, it's making the working atmosphere unpleasant for other people as well.

Narp · 19/02/2016 18:29

she is bullying him.

I would have a word with her. I couldn't not, as I'd feel complicit

Narp · 19/02/2016 18:31

and stop playing along!!

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 18:33

Anyone who doesn't challenge workplace bullying is complicit in what's happening.

Bubblesinthesummer · 19/02/2016 18:34

He is a man and im sure he can do it himself if he wanted to.

Hmm where to even begin.

Being new does not come into it.

Yes it certainly does!

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 18:36

Perhaps Flat is unfamiliar with workplace bullying and harassment / whistle blowing policies.

SirChenjin · 19/02/2016 18:37

Agree - by turning the other cheek you become complicit.

A new member of staff who challenges their boss can find themselves out of a job, or at the very least passed over for any promotion and given the shit tasks. Not a position many young people new into a role would willingly put themselves in for something an arse of a boss could claim is 'just banter'.

MrsJayy · 19/02/2016 18:40

Complain on his behalf he is being bullied in the workplace it is everybodies responsibility imo.

CoraPirbright · 19/02/2016 18:43

I would go directly to HR. I wouldn't give her any kind of warning by taking her aside and talking to her first. Her bullying ass doesn't deserve it.

SquinkiesRule · 19/02/2016 18:44

Put in a complaint yourself OP. If he was my son (I have two over twenty) I would be very grateful. Twenty somethings can be very unsure of themselves in a new job, he must cringe inside every time she opens her mouth. She's a bully.

Quoteunquote · 19/02/2016 18:46

Please put in a complaint , she needs retraining in what is appropriate behaviour.

FlatOnTheHill · 19/02/2016 20:08

I think before going to HR to report this. You need to have a chat with this poor bloke first to see if he is ok with you doing that.
I think to go and complain on someone else's behalf without them knowing would be wrong. You need to check if he is 100% not happy with the situation. You just dont know.

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 20:20

Flat under most anti bullying policies whether he wants the OP to raise the matter with HR is irrelevant.

SirChenjin · 19/02/2016 20:37

Not at all Flat. As has already been explained, new members of staff are often reluctant to report bullying for fear of reprisal. The OP has witnessed the bullying - that is what she is reporting. Your lack of understanding of this issue is actually quite concerning.

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 20:46

SirChenjin agreed.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/02/2016 20:57

FlatOnTheHill
"I think before going to HR to report this. You need to have a chat with this poor bloke first to see if he is ok with you doing that."

Why?
If I think that it is bullying I will report it and I will make sure the HR knows to tell the fuckwit manager that it isn't from the person being bullied.

FlatOnTheHill · 19/02/2016 21:13

SirChen
Please dont be concerned Wink
We all have differing opinions in how we would deal with things.
I personally would speak to the chap and see how he feels and if its really upsetting him. If it really is making him unhappy then i would report it.

ilovesooty · 19/02/2016 21:23

Do you have an anti bullying policy at work Flat?

FlatOnTheHill · 19/02/2016 21:30

Ilovesooty
Probably yes. Why is that?

Ive never known anyone bullied in our work place by the way.