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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not punish DD

159 replies

Milly783 · 17/02/2016 19:57

I've been in a relationship for two years now, we both have DD's the same age (8) and have only recently introduced them to each other, although we live really close to each other, DD's have never interacted, they go to different schools etc , they attend the same Scouting Pack but whilst my DD is a Cub, DP's DD is a brownie, so again they've never interacted. A Group camp set for last weekend, pushed us into introducing them in January, as they've both met us individually already. So far we've only all met up three times together for days out, DP's DD is currently on a diet as she's overweight, so on the days out I made sure DD ate healthy as well, as I know how unfair it would be to give one child treats and not the other.

Back home just DD and I, she asked why she was allowed hot chocolate at home but not when we were out that afternoon and I explained that DP's DD wasn't allowed treats so it was the right thing to do not giving DD any as well, she asked why and I said that it was because she was slightly bigger then she ought to be.

During Camp, the children were making s'mores and DD saw DP's DD eating one and went up to her and said 'you aren't allowed that because you're too big already' DP's DD got really upset and DD was made to apologise.

Their were no more incidents and no Leader told me about it, the first time I heard about it was from a phone call from DP to 'inform me' that DD had called his DD fat and wanting to know what I had done about it.

I replied nothing, as this was the first I was hearing about it. So I asked DD and she said she didn't use the word fat and had already been made to apologise, I texted her Cub Leader and the poor man, who was getting a well deserved rest, backed up her story. I called DP to say that the matter had been sorted out and that their was nothing more to do, he got really sarcastic and then just hung up.

I've spent the past two days very irritated, I think I'm in the right but if I'm not feel free to tell me.

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 18/02/2016 13:37

It wasn't me, knitter but a close family member. As adults, the dad and his daughter still have a difficult relationship and he still comments on her weight.

Terribleknitter · 18/02/2016 13:40

That's awful. Nobody should have to deal with that.
My point was though that the OP didn't go into that amount of detail so we really don't know. Solid might be right but I didn't like the assumption being made that he was a bad parent just because he was dealing with the issue in what appears to be a cackhanded manner.

Milly783 · 18/02/2016 13:53

@flogging DP's DD is on a very strict diet, from what I've gathered GP suggested a change, and DP and his ex have pretty
much banned anything with a jot of sugar, my DD is rarely allowed treats but was confused why I'd refused it that very afternoon and then let her have some in the evening. She is not as you so rudely put it allowed an endless amount of shite

OP posts:
Milly783 · 18/02/2016 13:58

@Brass DP is very good with his DD, he does cook and doesn't associate her weight with how much he loves her, there is a lot of pressure to eat healthy but I don't think anyone including myself really knows the best way to go about it.

OP posts:
BeeppityBeep · 18/02/2016 16:07

There are some really horrible posts on this thread. It's not helped by some posters ridiculous assumptions based on nothing but their own nasty thoughts. I guess some sad posters get a kick out of it same old posters

OP, I'm glad you are sorting this. Everyone makes mistakes with parenting - if anyone claims otherwise then I don't believe them.

Hope everything works out ok.

WonderingAspie · 18/02/2016 21:26

If the GP suggested a change then she must be pretty overweight which is pretty poor in an 8 year old, how did she get like it in the first place!

I know someone (actually her DD is 8 but no blended families so can't be the same) whose child is huge, and I mean she is in age 13/14 clothes at 8 years old. She looks bloated and is significantly bigger than all other 8 year olds. Her mum even acknowledged her weight before but does nothing. I've seen her with a plate piled high at parties. When children are at this level of overweight, they should be put on a diet (although not told it's a diet) as it's so unhealthy!

blueturtle6 · 19/02/2016 07:22

Would it have made big difference if she'd said, you can't eat that you're supposed to eat healthily. That would sound more concerned imo. But the fact she said too big, turned it mean buy she was repeating you ad therefore a valid comment in her eyes. I wouldn't punish her on this occasion.

bimandbam · 19/02/2016 07:31

Yanbu to not want to punish your dd.

She has been told by the leader and made to apologise. She bas been told by you.

They are 8 years old. 8 year olds get scandalises by rules being broken. 8 year olds are sometimes cruel to each other.

If it had been another girl who made the comment would your dp be on the phone to them demanding justice?

And he nd his ex have to take.some responsibility. If they have allowed her to get to the point where she isn't.allowed treats at all rather than as a treat occasionally then they need to look to themselves first.

And fwiw I think making something completely off limits like a treat on a day out when meeting a dd of his dp then they are settling her up to fail. Adults struggle with that concept so why we think it's ok to force on dcs I have no idea.

KinkyAfro · 19/02/2016 07:49

OP has apologised, OP has admitted she handled it incorrectly, DD has apologised and is making a card for DSD. OP knows she was wrong in her wording of the situation to her DD so why are people still sticking the boot in? Have none of you never made a mistake?

OP"s DD is 8, 8 year olds repeat things, say mortifying things, there's been lots of threads about kids and the embarrassing things they say.

Give the OP and her DD a break

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