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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds1 and YouTube

81 replies

qu1cknamechange · 17/02/2016 09:16

Ds1 (9) not allowed on YouTube unsupervised. This is because I am concerned about him scrolling through comments and clicking on related videos that turn out to be anything but. Have explained this to him, as has dh.

The other day I left him in the middle of watching a Minecraft video (it was really long and I had better things to do, frankly, like looking after two other children) with the instruction that if it finished while I was out of the room he needed to turn it off and go and do something else. Came upstairs to find him 5 minutes into another video. Told him off for abusing trust and he wasn't allowed on computer again for a couple of days.

This morning he asked whether he could go on the iPad. Said yes because I thought he was playing on Garage Band, which is all he ever uses it for. Then came in and realised he was watching Lego Minecraft stuff on YouTube - I didn't even realise he knew how to get on to it by himself Angry. I took it off him and sent him to his room, and he wouldn't go. Had to take him by the arm and physically put him in his room and told him to stay there, two minutes later he came out saying he was going to get something to eat Angry - bearing in mind he had just had his breakfast, he was clearly just flexing his muscles.

He's back in there now but I am fuming. Part of me wonders whether I am being overprotective, because plenty of people allow their kids on YouTube, but it's more the issue that I have set a boundary and he is refusing to stick to it, so I can't trust him. I'm beating myself up now though about whether I have been too heavy handed. AIBU?

OP posts:
Katenka · 17/02/2016 09:19

What is it you are worried about him seeing?

I have never come across a YouTube video that I didn't have a good idea what it was about.

I have never accidentally clicked on something and sat and watched something horrific.

hownottofuckup · 17/02/2016 09:22

Do you not have parental controls on?

I can see why, at his age, he might find your current rules very restrictive. Especially as he was just looking at Lego Minecraft.

jelliebelly · 17/02/2016 09:23

I think maybe a little heavy handed. My ds is 10 and watches YouTube but I trust him to use common sense. Also have parental controls set but don't know how effective they are.

araiba · 17/02/2016 09:23

he got in trouble for doing something you said he could do?

not surprised he is acting up as he (correctly) feels that you have been unreasonable

SavoyCabbage · 17/02/2016 09:25

You didn't think he would be able to use YouTube at nine?Grin

I hate being the first generation of parents to be navigating our way through all of this technology stuff. Had the 'couple of days' ban passed when you let him go on the ipad?

I think I would let him watch the videos but in the communal areas of the house, so you can see what's what. So maybe he could watch them in the kitchen when you are making the dinner or whatever.

I'd be putting my foot down about him not going to his room when you asked him and even more about him coming out for something to eat! Why would he think him being hungry was relevant?

SecretSpy · 17/02/2016 09:26

I have YouTube set on 'restricted ' but they still often have swearing in. They use it in earshot. There's also a separate YouTube kids app that might work for you?

JosiePye · 17/02/2016 09:27

While I understand why you want to supervise what your son has access to, I think you are approaching this in the wrong way. As a primary school teacher, I recently had training in e-safety from two CEOP officers. They said that removal of the iPad was the worst sanction as DC are unlikely to report anything suspicious or upsetting that they see while online if they fear that their parents will curtail their computer use. At age 9, I think you need to start giving your son a bit more responsibility, within reason, and trying to open up a dialogue with him that will encourage him to feel able to tell you if he comes across anything he is uncomfortable with.

hownottofuckup · 17/02/2016 09:28

Meant to add, we have very strict parental controls on ours. When DD go on there (which is only on the main TV or if on pads/phone they only have those downstairs) they are pretty much allowed to get on with it (until we've had enough of people opening Kinder eggs or doing playdoh demonstrations)
We did need the parental controls though, DD(5) likes to look up sharks and Halloween type stuff - que videos of shark attacks, clips of Chucky, and Saw, which isn't what she had in mind!

Original poster
qu1cknamechange · 17/02/2016 09:31

araiba No, I didn't say he could do it. The first time, I told him he need to turn it off when it finished, and he didn't. The time this morning I didn't know he was on Youtube.

Katenka - have you ever read the comments on YouTube? Some of them are absolutely vile. The videos themselves may be completely harmless, but you only have to scroll down a bit to find really offensive comments. Plus the ads may be unsuitable. Plus, the point is that I said he couldn't do it, and he did!!

OP posts:
MarthaMonkeynuts · 17/02/2016 09:33

No, I agree 100% with you. You have him specific instructions he ignored. I insist my kids watch you tube in ear shot and they know, anything with swearing or that becomes inappropriate goes off straight away. As for controls, my kids click on Thomas the tank tribute videos with swearing, FFS.
If he can't keep to your rules around you tube then his privilege to use it gets removed. Simple and perfectly reasonable. Stay strong 👊

Katenka · 17/02/2016 09:37

Ok OP if you have parental controls on he should be seeing anything too horrific.

I wondering what it is you are scared about to try and offer advice.

I have read comments. I have an eleven year old who has seen swearing on the Internet and tbh it doesn't traumatise her so I am ok with it. She knows that it's not acceptable for her to do, but just rolls her eyes and clicks on something else.

I am trying to find out what the issue you have is, because that may change what advice I can give.

Tbh I don't agree with 'you do it because I say' parenting. I find expired things to my dd, like the dangers of being online far more effective. Punishments arent removing the I pad as it only encourages them to hide something.

Original poster
qu1cknamechange · 17/02/2016 09:39

Re parental controls - but that only controls the video content, yes? So comments could still be full of abuse?

Savoy I so agree with you about hating that we are having to navigate all this for the first time.

OP posts:
wowis · 17/02/2016 09:42

My 9 year old loves the mine craft videos on YouTube. I honestly leave him to it. I don't think he's trying to see anything else and honestly my experience of monitoring it in the earlier days is it's generally other common for other things to come up. Usually he's not interested unless it's what he was looking for anyway . I'd leave him to it more so it's not making it so tempting! Sounds like standard stuff for this age.

pictish · 17/02/2016 09:43

Think you're giving yourself a lot of work. With parental controls it should be ok.
I think you have been heavy handed, yes. I understand that you want to mean what you say, but a two day ban for him going on to the next Minecraft vid seems a bit full on.

wowis · 17/02/2016 09:43

*Not common

Original poster
qu1cknamechange · 17/02/2016 09:46

Katenka There are two issues: one is ds1's resilience to upsetting things on screen, and he doesn't have a great track record there - he has always had trouble separating reality from screen and has had nightmares about seemingly innocuous things.

The other issue is trust. I have tried to explain to him WHY we have this rule, and I haven't set an outright ban on YouTube, but despite this he has gone ahead and done as he pleased.

OP posts:
pictish · 17/02/2016 09:47

Seriously, if my kids (who are younger than your son btw) had to run it past me every single time they wanted to watch a Minecraft video, I'd go mad. I just leave them to it.

MammaTJ · 17/02/2016 09:49

My DS is over the other side of the living room watching youtube right now. He is 9. DD is watching youtube too, she is 10.

DS is watching minecraft and DD is learning how to do Disney princesses out of loom bands.

I can actually see both their screens tm, which is unusual. I do periodically check and have never seen them watching anything to cause concern!

Aside from the fact that on this occasion he disobeyed the rules, I do think you need to lighten up just little.

pictish · 17/02/2016 09:49

Youtube loads the next video up automatically too...so when one ends the next one begins.
A two day ban? Wind yer neck in!

Katenka · 17/02/2016 09:51

Right, so he reacts badly to what he sees.

Generally I would say you are being heavy handed. However your son is an individual and may not react like my dd. Which changes the advice.

My advice would be that you need to speak to him about why you don't want him on there. Be honest. I have always told dd if I think she can't handle something.

Put parental controls on as high as possible, and look round YouTube yourself and judge wether it's appropriate.

The fact is what you are doing clearly isn't working. Removing the device or sending him to his room, is not working. So you need a different approach.

FrozenPonds · 17/02/2016 09:52

Running YouTube in safety mode completely hides all comments.

It filters out the more obviously objectionable content too, but it isn't foolproof.

I think you are on a hiding to nothing banning him from it, it's better that you explain how and why to use it safely.

hownottofuckup · 17/02/2016 09:55

I do wonder if part of the problem here is that you don't really 'get' YouTube/internet and just see it as something negative that you need to restrict. Which it isn't. You do need to be careful and teach your DS how to be safe on the internet.

Katenka · 17/02/2016 09:56

And I have to be honest, I have never seems comments that would upset 9 year old. What sort of comments have you seen?

What do you mean by he can't separate screen from reality in relation to comments?

Have comments really given him nightmares?

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 09:57

My ds is 7 and obsessed with Minecraft videos on YouTube.

I've set up a restricted access account on the laptop, I've also put safemode on YouTube which hides the comments.

I'm still not sure that it filters out everything and I'm not really sure the best way to go with it.

Any tips?

noblegiraffe · 17/02/2016 09:57

If you only want him to go on garage band on the iPad you can use the guided access controls to lock it so he can only use that app.

You can also use guided access to disable parts of the screen so he wouldn't be able to load up the comments on YouTube.

Guided access is in settings, general, accessibility.

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