Ds1 and YouTube

[qu1cknamechange]

Ds1 (9) not allowed on YouTube unsupervised. This is because I am concerned about him scrolling through comments and clicking on related videos that turn out to be anything but. Have explained this to him, as has dh.

The other day I left him in the middle of watching a Minecraft video (it was really long and I had better things to do, frankly, like looking after two other children) with the instruction that if it finished while I was out of the room he needed to turn it off and go and do something else. Came upstairs to find him 5 minutes into another video. Told him off for abusing trust and he wasn't allowed on computer again for a couple of days.

This morning he asked whether he could go on the iPad. Said yes because I thought he was playing on Garage Band, which is all he ever uses it for. Then came in and realised he was watching Lego Minecraft stuff on YouTube - I didn't even realise he knew how to get on to it by himself . I took it off him and sent him to his room, and he wouldn't go. Had to take him by the arm and physically put him in his room and told him to stay there, two minutes later he came out saying he was going to get something to eat - bearing in mind he had just had his breakfast, he was clearly just flexing his muscles.

He's back in there now but I am fuming. Part of me wonders whether I am being overprotective, because plenty of people allow their kids on YouTube, but it's more the issue that I have set a boundary and he is refusing to stick to it, so I can't trust him. I'm beating myself up now though about whether I have been too heavy handed. AIBU?

I let my toddler watch surprise eggs, taking a look every 2 mins to make sure he wasn't on anything bad and before I knew it he was watching the trailer for deadpool.

Another time I let him watch some frozen videos and I heard screaming coming from the iPad, he was watching a bizzare homemade spoof of Elsa being kidnapped by Spider-Man quite aggressively

My 7 year old sometimes asks to go on YouTube on the PC in the kitchen. I only allow it when I'm in there doing something else like ironing, so I can keep an eye on what he watches. He only really learned about it last year when I showed him My Little Pony videos. I think he thinks that's all you can watch on there, because he still only watches those! We have it set up so comments are disabled and 'bad' videos should be blocked, but occasionally he clicks on a picture down the side that is a 'home made' mlp video which is a bit freaky so I make him click something else. There is no way I would let him just sit and watch whatever he wanted without me in the room.

jadore I also got abit of a surprise from the superman v Elsa video, DD has an obessesion with both.
People are strange.

Well I've just downloaded YouTube kids.

My youngest - 4 years old - was watching Santa themed videos on my phone, and although I have strict settings on my phone, home internet and YouTube, he still managed to come across a "fun Santa" video with a young female semi naked elf and a fat naked Santa - thankfully he was sat beside me so I could keep an eye on him and promptly reported it!

My ds is just 7, and I trust him completely on YouTube. I regularly check and its never anything more than minecraft, music videos or just dance routines. He'll always tell me if they've said a swear word on a video, even pauses it to come tell me. I've always been really open and honest with him, and we've used youtube a lot to investigate sciencey boys stuff and laughed a lot at some stuff we've come across. I'm a firm believer if a kids old enough to ask a question then they're old enough to get the right answer and we've used youtube for a LOT of things he's asked about!! I think making it taboo makes it more tempting for kids so maybe try and discuss rules and boundaries and come to an agreeable arrangement with your ds and determine suitable punishments? I know my ds right royally shits himself about swearing cos he once said 'shit' and he was made to eat soap.....he was 3.5. It worked.

I might add I never allow him to youtube with headphones.

Not being protective. My mum used to give my nephews her iPad when they were around 5-6 years old.
My mum knows very little about technology. I looked at it and there was loads if porn. I don't think the nephews intended to look but it's there and easy to access with a few clicks.

Parental controls aren't enough. My 5 year old likes those demonstration vids too, and a few other things. She's not allowed to watch it without one of us in the room after she innocently clicked on what she thought was a my little pony video that was actually a parody and mainly swearing and sexual references. There sre several, including ones using Disney visuals. . I'm in the process of moving her over onto netflix

DisappointedOne Netflix parental controls aren't great. You can create user areas and set age restrictions but there aren't any passwords to stop children going into another user area. So it's a bit of an honour system. At least on the ipad.

I have three children aged 25, 12 and 9 years. When my eldest was young there wasn't a YouTube to worry about, but I naively allowed her to have magazines that 'her friends' apparently had. She learned about self harming from stories in these magazines and years later as a hormonal teenager began to self harm. She is fine and happy now with a child of her own, but she says she learned about something negative she never would have known about, and even carried it into her own life . Consequently I have been super careful with my youngest two kids, and I only allow them to watch things on YouTube when I've seen exactly what it is. Its not a big thing, its all very relaxed, they quickly show me what they plan to watch, sometimes we watch the things together. I've learned the hard way - pre internet - to be careful. Of course I understand every child is different, but I will be vigilant for a while yet.

I think people are being unduly harsh - at least you care enough not to just say "crack on kiddo, I don't care!".

Hope you find a happy medium that works for your family

Netflix is no better. Their parental controls are crap.

ds 9 watches lots on youtube and no i dont supervise. if he comes across something he doesn't like he turns if off. he has found some interesting things also.

We have no parental controls on the ipad or laptop but have a strict rule of them only being allowed them in the lounge. I can see at a glance what they are using/doing. Some keywords are blocked on the router but not many.

Is it that damaging though? Really?

I mean, if you talk it through and try know it's wrong, does it matter?

Firstly I think you were right to punish him for sneaking onto YouTube. He knew he shouldn't be on it so he was sneaky to get his own way. Then ditto wanting food!
As for what he should watch, you're the best judge of your child. My brother was petrified owls were looking through his bedroom curtains as a kid because of a Noah's Ark kiddie ride! I would keep an eye on him with the YouTube comment section. My DS is 18 and he describes YouTube comment sections as one of the worst areas of the Internet!

Think you're trying to staunch the inevitable. Swearing. And Youtube

Thanks for all the opinions.

We have had (another!) big talk about it. I get that some people are fine with YouTube and I'm not about to start criticising others' choices because yes, some children probably are perfectly capable of shrugging stuff off. Ds1 is not one of those children. It's one thing for him to be able to come and tell me if he sees something he shouldn't, but I still think as a parent I have a duty to protect him from things that are not appropriate in the first place. I wouldn't let him watch an 18 rated film for example.

Tricky thing now is that I don't want him to think that because he defied me he now gets his own way, even though I can see I may need to compromise a bit. Someone said upthread that they didn't believe in 'because I say so' parenting, but equally it's not up to him to choose which rules he agrees to, so I am going to have to navigate that one carefully.

Thanks all!

After my own experiences with my dd using you tube, I would say that you're not being OTT at all and it is all too easy for kids to accidentally stumble upon some rather unsuitable videos.
Despite having all parental controls and also you tube 'safe mode', over a few months we found she was watching some frozen related videos with heavy swearing, 'world's worst babysitter' - which included stuff about children dying due to things the babysitter had done (in the US) and more lately some manga style cartoon which showed teenagers stabbing each other and whipping each other with chains.
Looking back, we were lucky she didn't see anything worse!
After many talks about why she shouldn't watch these things and what were we going to do to stop it, we discovered that YT kids was now available in the UK - so we downloaded it and have banned You Tube.
Our DD is 9 and has been perfectly happy with YT kids and can still watch stampy etc!

It is hard for our generation because the whole issue of screens/computer games/internet isn't something we were brought up with, so we don't have a reference point. It's a steep learning curve for us as parents, and its not something that is going to go away anytime soon! I've had to do a lot of research to feel more confident in how to manage this aspect of parenting. (So for example, when my kids wanted to play Minecraft, I set up my own account and played for a bit, so that I understood the game and felt I could leave them on it.)

By the age of 13 when kids start secondary school the majority have their own mobile phones, (and many have them much earlier, quite a few children in my 10 year old's class have mobiles!), so even if you give your child a basic phone without internet, you can bet there will be plenty of kids who will have internet-enabled phones (probably with no filters) who will be more than happy to show your child stuff online. So in my mind, the most responsible thing we can do is educate children about the dangers of the internet, so they are able to make the choice NOT to watch something by themselves; after all they are not going to have us watching over their shoulders all the time. I think it's like educating them about road safety.

My kids (4, 7 and 10) are allowed to watch Youtube. I have the Youtube filter on (which removes all comments, as well as restricting any unsuitable videos).
They are only allowed to watch in the living room - we have a general rule of no screens in bedrooms.
We also have our own safety filter via our broadband service.
(You can also filter Google Images, so if for example your kids want to research something for their homework, it will stop unsavoury images popping up.)

I keep a close eye on the 4 year old on Youtube (usually videos about making princesses out of playdough...) but the 7 and 10 year old are allowed to watch by themselves.
Very occasionally a video has a swearword in it, but to be honest its nothing worse that you can hear on the street - and they come and tell me pretty quickly, and I ask them to choose a different video and make a note of that particular youtuber. (You can block specific Youtube channels, but Stampy is always safe if rather annoying!)
We talk about the internet and what is/isn't appropriate, e.g. not using your own name online. I want them to to feel that they can come to me to talk about anything they are unsure about; if they know I won't react by being angry or taking the tablet away, they are more likely to be open with me. My kids' school has sessions on internet safety so its something they are learning about anyway.

There are specific tablets aimed at kids - e.g the Amazon Fire for kids - so this could be worth getting if this is something you feel particularly strongly about. Then he could feel he is having some independence and you wouldn't need to feel you have to be looking over his shoulder all the time!

As to them going on the Ipad when they aren't supposed to - I think this is something a lot of parents battle with, you are not alone! I usually find knocking 10 minutes off the next day's screen-time allowance if I find them sneaking onto the Ipad does the trick!
Then I can save the sending-to-the-room for when they back-chat ;-)

Love the Weekends - I was thinking of the Youtube kids app, but I read some reviews that said it was very commercial with a lot of adverts so it put me off a bit - how have you found it? I guess I should just try it out!

quicknamechange - I don't know if you have heard of the website 'Common Sense Media' www.commonsensemedia.org/ it's a great website for finding out what is suitable for different ages.
They have an article about YouTube:
www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/a-parents-ultimate-guide-to-youtube

Oh there is also an article on the best kid-friendly Minecraft Youtube channels:
www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/the-12-best-kid-friendly-minecraft-channels-on-youtube

You can 'subscribe' to channels on Youtube so another solution is you could say he is only allowed to watch videos from channels you have pre-approved?

I'm going to go against the grain here and say you aren't being unreasonable. My 8 and a half year old isn't usually allowed on YouTube unsupervised either. I have seen her watch unofficial my little pony videos with explicit sexual content. I have seen minecraft videos where babies were getting no raped and blown up. Every single video on YouTube seems to have inane comments about pedophiles, racism, etc. obviously written by unsupervised children. There is a kids version of YouTube for the IPad though? Which apparently is all safe content. I would be happy for her to use that but we only have android tablets where it isn't available. I need to check out the safety options for the PC.