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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ds1 and YouTube

81 replies

qu1cknamechange · 17/02/2016 09:16

Ds1 (9) not allowed on YouTube unsupervised. This is because I am concerned about him scrolling through comments and clicking on related videos that turn out to be anything but. Have explained this to him, as has dh.

The other day I left him in the middle of watching a Minecraft video (it was really long and I had better things to do, frankly, like looking after two other children) with the instruction that if it finished while I was out of the room he needed to turn it off and go and do something else. Came upstairs to find him 5 minutes into another video. Told him off for abusing trust and he wasn't allowed on computer again for a couple of days.

This morning he asked whether he could go on the iPad. Said yes because I thought he was playing on Garage Band, which is all he ever uses it for. Then came in and realised he was watching Lego Minecraft stuff on YouTube - I didn't even realise he knew how to get on to it by himself . I took it off him and sent him to his room, and he wouldn't go. Had to take him by the arm and physically put him in his room and told him to stay there, two minutes later he came out saying he was going to get something to eat - bearing in mind he had just had his breakfast, he was clearly just flexing his muscles.

He's back in there now but I am fuming. Part of me wonders whether I am being overprotective, because plenty of people allow their kids on YouTube, but it's more the issue that I have set a boundary and he is refusing to stick to it, so I can't trust him. I'm beating myself up now though about whether I have been too heavy handed. AIBU?

OP posts:

megganonion · 17/02/2016 10:00

Yt kids app. Asks for age of child when setting up account and doesn't allow the access to anything unsuitable. My son 6 obsessed with mine craft it's has them but no grand theft auto which I love

BieneBiene · 17/02/2016 10:04

There are add ons available for anything. I just had a quick search and the top two results were an add on for Chrome and Firefox called 'Hide Youtube Comments' and 'Turn Off Youtube Comments'.

The comments section on it is pointless 99.99% of the time anyway so I would just install one of those. Coupled with the parental controls that should help.

3WiseWomen · 17/02/2016 10:07

My experience is that, even with parental controls on, you can come accross a lot of crazy stuff, incl some 'soft' porn. dc1 has been shocked by a few of the videos he saw on YouTube, despite very strict parental controls that stop me from looking at very innocent websites for myself.

The problem is, yes ta 9yo, he will know wo any prpblem how to go on youtube abd how to do a search.
You can't really stop him to do so. Ir rather, how long are you going to monitor very very closely what he is watching? In my experience, iot quickly becomes impossible.

What we have done is:

no ipad, computers etc... allowed upstairs. All stuff has to be watched in the living room, where I can keep an eye on.
they can go on Youtube etc... but they have to tell me what they are watching if I ask.
Explanation on what can be found on the internet and the very clear message that if they come accross something unsavioury, to come and tell us (only works if they know they aren't going to be told off, see point above)
trying my best to reduce the amount of time they spend on said devices anyway. The aim being that they have the opportunity to do a lot of other things rather thahn just playing on the tablet/computer and less time on electronic devices

merseyside · 17/02/2016 10:08

My 3 year old accesses YouTube and I only keep half an ear on what she's looking at.

There are certain parental controls which you can switch on and I subscribe to the non offensive stuff so that it pops up more often on the home screen.

However it's not 100% safe obviously.

I think you have to give them a bit of freedom, or you'll go nuts trying to police it. If he does see something that gives him nightmares then maybe that's a lesson he'll have learn. As far as language etc goes my view is that they can see it but must understand it doesn't get repeated and isn't desirable. Evidently as mine is only 3 this isn't too much of an issue right now as if she strays onto something unsuitable she doesn't really understand what she's seeing.

Original poster

qu1cknamechange · 17/02/2016 10:13

Wow you guys are brutal!

Ok I will look into kids app, i hadn't heard of that. I agree that I want him to be able to tell me if he sees anything upsetting and also that removing the iPad might make him feel that he can't. I think we'll have to work on the trust thing and using it in earshot seems sensible.

I know Minecraft videos are probably fine - but it's only a couple of clicks from Minecraft to Minecraft Horror to Horror. Hence the parental controls I guess.

Thanks guys

OP posts:

backwardpossom · 17/02/2016 10:14

I have Youtube on restricted mode and the comments are hidden. Very occasionally a video with a swear makes it through the filter, but I don't really think it's anything to worry about. I'm pretty sure DS hears worse from his pals at school and I certainly can't control that.

My biggest issue with Youtube is that my DC would sit and watch videos all day if I let them. I do have rules in place but only really relating to how long they are allowed on the ipad.

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 10:15

Op we heard ds watching a minecraft video and the person talking was talking about slitting throats.

We've been a bit slack with it but I'm sorting out controls now that ds is getting older and exploring the Internet more.

megganonion · 17/02/2016 10:20

I got my sons tablets for Xmas 30£ on amazon only downloaded yt kids the eldest knows it's not the real YouTube but I told him I'm the parent and if he didn't like that version he could go without.. harsh I no but like most parents I cannot check what he is viewing 24 7. At least this way I have done wat I can to prevent anything unsuitable my bt Internet provider allows me to set up parental controls on individual devices. I hope this helps. But it is about trust and nobody not urgent son better than you. And remember you can see what he has viewed on YouTube also incase you have any doubts

Dontneedausername · 17/02/2016 10:22

My daughter (5) love minecraft videos and even on restricted she was watching ones with more adult content and swearing. She obviously wasn't looking for these, but they just followed on from previous clips etc.
But I discovered you tube kids. It's an app on its own and is a lot more easy to control. I suggest downloading that. If he is watching YouTube via safari, then hide the safari app in the back of a folder. Make sure a password is needed to download any apps (even free ones) and be sure he doesn't know it.
I believe you can set time limits on the YouTube kids app too.
Good luck!

merseyside · 17/02/2016 10:53

Last time I checked YouTube Kids was only available in the US. Has it changed?

AndNowItsSeven · 17/02/2016 11:00

Yes it's changed it's been in the uk for a while now.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 17/02/2016 11:09

Katenka, you're not a 9yo boy. They'll watch anything and then expect mum to pick up the pieces when they get upset / have nightmares / find porn. He's obviously rebelling but YANBU, OP.

merseyside · 17/02/2016 11:12

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 11:18

I'll be downloading YouTube kids too.

AuldYow · 17/02/2016 11:21

Personally in the nicest possible way I think you are being slightly over bearing my DS (9 &11) have 'free reign' in their eyes. In reality I have parental controls on the wifi, they are only allowed downstairs so me and DH can see what they are up to. They constantly tell me what they are watching, playing - this drives me insane but it's a constant commentary so I keep quiet and hmmm, yes, ohhh that's sounds good at breaks in their talking

I've found that if I allow them some 'freedom' they respect that and always without exception ask to go on tablets, download apps, watch YouTube etc etc. It is a two way street and I wish I could bin all technology but unfortunately that isn't possible so between us we work it out. Good luck OP

BeeppityBeep · 17/02/2016 11:25

YANBU.

LeanneBattersby · 17/02/2016 11:33

We have YouTube kids and it's brilliant. It has loads of Stampy Longnose stuff and no swearing at all that my son (5) has come across. And I think he's watched pretty much every video on there in the past two days

ijustwannadance · 17/02/2016 11:38

My 4 year old taught my dad how to use his new pad.
Even before she started reading she figured out how to ask google for what she wanted to watch on you tube. (mostly play doh/kinder egg opening crap)
She also downloads games from google play which I just delete every now and then to make space.
Parental controls help. And she can't buy anything in the games.
She also likes google maps street view for some reason too.

Bellygirl · 17/02/2016 11:58

DS is 8 and goes on YouTube unsupervised to watch Minecraft etc. He's not interested in reading the comments or anything like that. Could you not just put the parental controls or safe mode on? When I've had safe mode on it won't play videos with swearing etc.

Katenka · 17/02/2016 12:08

Katenka, you're not a 9yo boy.

umm thanks for pointing that out?

Terribleknitter · 17/02/2016 12:10

3 YouTube here and none have ever bothered with the comments because we disabled them as soon as we got any tablet or computer
One thing I found to work is an occasional firm reminder that you can see the viewing history and do actually check it regularly. An occasional reference to a video or youtuber by name also reinforced the fact that you are taking notice...
Introduce him to the Stampy videos if he hasn't already seen them. You'll end up running screaming from the room every time you hear his voice but he's a safe pair of hands for young minecrafters.

Terribleknitter · 17/02/2016 12:12

YouTube viewers. I really need to preview!
Also, I agree that being the first generation of parents to navigate this type on online activity and access is Hard.

VimFuego101 · 17/02/2016 12:22

My son uses YouTube Kids, it works really well. The only thing missing is the ability to filter out Stampy's irritating laugh

Longer-term, though, I suspect it won't be long before he wants access to social media sites/ online games if his friends are using them. I would start laying out rules now for time limits and learning about how you can monitor his access. I think if you try and ban too much he'll just find a way to do things secretly.

soapboxqueen · 17/02/2016 12:22

Unfettered access to you tube, even with parental controls is problematic. Even if the shows searched for are safe, the next video suggestions may not be or may slowly through association, lead to unsuitable material. Even better are the folks who take children's cartoons, strip the sound out and add their own stories. Usually with horrific story lines and language. The my little pony episode where one pony said 'I'm going to fucking skin you alive you bitch and make a dress from your bleeding flesh' springs to mind

Kids youtube is excellent.

My ds(6) had kids you tube on his iPad but knows he has to quickly choose another video if there is language if he is on another tablet. That's the rule.

I think monitoring each video is a bit much and time-consuming for everyone. Not doing as you are told and refusing punishment is a different matter.

Witchend · 17/02/2016 12:25

Ds is 8yo and has been watching youtube since he was 3yo and learnt to type" red arrows and Concorde" to get the one he wanted.
I have it in earshot so I can take down anything I don't like. I have come across stuff that has got through the child filter, so I am aware.
Ds knows to come and get me if he's unsure and we'll watch together or I'll turn it off.

In your situation I'd let him watch Minecraft videos on the basis that if he sees a linked one he wants to watch which isn't Minecraft he comes to show you first.
Otherwise you'll have the risk he'll just hide it from you.

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