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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it fair to be expected to pay half her Mortgage?

1000 replies

Tophat72 · 16/02/2016 19:46

Hi there. I'm looking for some impartial comment on what has become a huge issue between my partner and me.

We are both divorcees but although with similar salaries, have very different financial commitments. I have two children I am financially responsible for while she is childless and comfortably well off. She has her own large home and only has 5 years left to pay on her mortgage. I lost my house in my financial settlement with my ex.

I live with my partner in her home. Before moving in with her, I had to sign a legal agreement acknowledging that I have no claim whatsoever on any percentage of the house in the event of our separation. The house is hers and hers alone. Furthermore, I am not catered for in any way in her will. Should she die, the house and her entire estate goes to her sister and nephew...

My partner believes that all the household expenses, including her mortgage payments, should be split 50-50 between us. I however am adamant that given the circumstances, I should not be contributing towards the purchase of her house and I am only prepared to pay for my share of the other household bills (utilities, council tax, groceries etc)

This has become a huge bone of contention between us and sadly things are looking terminal.

Her position is that paying half of her outstanding mortgage should be looked upon by me as paying a modest rent as if she were my landlady. She also quite rightly points out that I am still living very cheaply and if I were to get a place of my own my monthly outgoings would be well over twice what I currently pay her. She feels that I earn the same as her and live under the same roof so I should pay the same.

From my perspective, I have absolutely no objection to going 50-50, but only if she is prepared to afford me some kind of proportionate security or stake in the house in the event of our separation or her death. I don't see why I should contribute 50% towards the ongoing purchase of a capital investment that I have a 0% share in. I feel as though she wants to have her cake and eat it, keeping everything to herself while expecting me to pay for an equal share of, well nothing.

I've tried to write this as objectively as I can. Obviously her friends and family support her position and my friends and family mine. For my own peace of mind, I would be really keen to read the thoughts of a truly neutral observer. Cheers

OP posts:
redhat · 16/02/2016 19:49

I agree with her I'm afraid. Your contribution to the mortgage is just rent.

Having said that she's clearly going into this with a very firm view that what's hers is hers and I can see why that would make you feel uneasy.

Tinofsardines · 16/02/2016 19:50

I think she's right!

If you were renting off a landlord who had a morgage would you refuse to pay rent due to them 'benefiting' from it once their morgage was repaid!?

I'm surprised she's put up with it for so long!

GinIsIn · 16/02/2016 19:51

What? Yes you should bloody pay! Consider it rent, if you prefer. The choices are that you pay a contribution to live in the property (reasonable), refuse to pay and freeload like an arse, or if you want a share of the equity, fine: you owe her 47.5% of the amount of mortgage that's already been paid off. Seems fair to me!

SuperCee7 · 16/02/2016 19:51

I agree with her. YABU

SweetAdeline · 16/02/2016 19:51

It's a tricky one. I think in some ways fair would be paying half the mortgage interest component of the payment. That way you are not contributing to her equity in the house.

But I can see where she's coming from with respect to it being cheaper than rent for you. You are not paying for "nothing" as you are currently being housed. Its the same as paying rent.

Sits on fence a bit, sorry.

Arfarfanarf · 16/02/2016 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soapybox · 16/02/2016 19:52

Yes, I think your shard of the mortgage is equivalent to rent. Surely you are not expecting to live with her without paying some housing costs?

What would an equivalent house share cost you in rent?

Oysterbabe · 16/02/2016 19:54

She's right.

Queenbean · 16/02/2016 19:54

If you were renting off a landlord who had a morgage would you refuse to pay rent due to them 'benefiting' from it once their morgage was repaid?!

Totally agree.

Although, the mortgage amount is a red herring. What would be the market rate of having a room like that? If you want to be fair then that's what you should pay. I suspect it's more than half the mortgage though.

Katenka · 16/02/2016 19:55

This is always a funny one.

Because yes it's the same as paying rent. However you are in a relationship which complicates it.

If she were to die, you would be booted. I wouldn't like that .

I find co-habiting very difficult to get completely fair.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/02/2016 19:56

I'm on your side.

At the very least I would expect a fresh start in terms of housing. I would be very happy for her to sell her house and put the profit into an account to pass on in a will, or rent it out and ditto.

I wouldnt expect to cohabit with all profit to her and none to myself. I'd want to set up a new home together to reflect that.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/02/2016 19:57

So you want to live rent free?

And you think she's wrong.

Give your head a wobble and get with the real world, people who don't own houses pay rent to live in other peoples.

Scarftown · 16/02/2016 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargotLovedTom · 16/02/2016 19:58

Yes, you should be paying rent and I can see the benefit to her being so business like: she is being sensible and protecting her interests. Warm and fuzzy it ain't though Wink. How long have you been together?

Anomaly · 16/02/2016 19:58

YABU, you need to pay rent.

I bet her place is much nicer than somewhere you would rent too!

Who gets your estate should you die?

Duckdeamon · 16/02/2016 19:58

YABVU unless you can't afford the percentage of the mortgage and could find good housing for a better price elsewhere, which doesn't sound like your situation.

If you broke up even in 5 years your financial input to her mortgage would have been minor.

JohnLuther · 16/02/2016 19:58

I can see the OP'S point, if his partner dies etc he'd be homeless despite having contributed towards the mortgage.

cannotlogin · 16/02/2016 19:58

You are right to ask 'what if...' but I'm not sure that makes your position right. There is no way anyone would ever move in my house in the future without agreeing to legally have no say over it. I would, however, consider selling up and using the money for us to buy somewhere that is 'ours' and having some kind of legal agreement drawn up that says the first £x amount should we split is mine and that after that, it's 50/50 or however we choose to split the bills.

Independence following divorce is hard won. I would not risk what I have and my children's potential inheritance for anyone. Sorry.

Duckdeamon · 16/02/2016 19:59

It's not her fault she's wealthier than you.

Hamsolo · 16/02/2016 20:00

How long have you been living together? I think my answer would depend on that. 20years and you have a point. 20 weeks and your partner is right to keep finances separate, I think.

Jackiebrambles · 16/02/2016 20:00

When did you move in and what are you paying her now?

I agree with her though, it's just rent. And low rent presumably as she's nearly paid mortgage off so it's low.

The will thing is a separate issue. How long have you been together?

winchester1 · 16/02/2016 20:00

I don't think you should pay half. Something but not half as you live together you should have equal spending money each month after bills, kids etc.

What happens when the mortgage is paid are you still supposed to pay rent as its her house?

JohnLuther · 16/02/2016 20:01

And if the genders were reversed everyone would be screaming at the OP to get on the deeds.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 16/02/2016 20:01

She's right. I used to rent a room off of a friend of mine who owned and I paid her rent. Didn't mean I was entitled to a share of her house.

Osolea · 16/02/2016 20:02

How much is her mortgage?

If it's quite small, then I can't really see a problem with you paying half as well as bills because it is just like a rent. But if you're being expected to pay half of quite a big mortgage payment every month, then I think she's being cheeky. Anything more than a couple of hundered pounds a month would seem too much to me, you shouldn't have to pay the same because you don't have the same choices or the same control.

She is right to give you no stake in her house though.

This is one of those threads where you'd get very different answers if you were female and your partner were male.

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