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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 'time to spoil mum on Mothers' Day' emails are insensitive

65 replies

0pheliaBalls · 16/02/2016 18:58

Just that really. Every year my inbox fills up with them. I lost my mum twelve years ago and Mothers' Day itself can be difficult, let alone the run-up. Seeing cards and things in shops is hard too, but the constant barrage of emails feels somehow worse. Same with Fathers' Day - my dad died thirteen years ago. It must also very difficult for people who are estranged from their parents.

I know companies have to sell stuff but surely they could be a bit more sensitive about it?

OP posts:

goodnightdarthvader1 · 16/02/2016 19:04

How do you suggest they are more sensitive when trying to publicise their products for a public holiday?

Creatureofthenight · 16/02/2016 19:06

How could they be more sensitive? I'm not trying to be goady, but realistically what could they do? Send less emails, sure, but as you say they are a business and they have to sell stuff.
Could you not just unsubscribe - I have from most shops/online stores emails as they send a ridiculous number.
Anyway, sorry that you have a tough time with this.

Getabloominmoveon · 16/02/2016 19:08

Losing your parents is part of life's natural cycle. I'm afraid they can't live forever, and in the normal course of things they will die before their children. I've lost both parents and have a little twinge on Mothers and Fathers Day too, but I don't begrudge others' chance to celebrate. And business is business, it's not personal. Delete the emails, and focus on the lovely times you had with your mum and dad instead.

Vanderwaals · 16/02/2016 19:08

Idk you could say that about lots of different things really. Everything will always offend some one.

ivykaty44 · 16/02/2016 19:09

It's not a public holiday, mothering Sunday in the UK stems from when servants and worker away from their parish went home before Easter to the mother church.

I don't see why mass marketing by companies should be any different from any other event. Op you can unsubscribe from the emails so that you don't receive them in future, but that is a choice and action you need to make.

Some of us don't have mother other do we can't expect large companies not to advertise

mincepieprivateeye · 16/02/2016 19:10

I'm sorry but companies can't tiptoe around every person who has lost a loved one and I say this as someone who's mum died when I was seventeen and who's dad has advanced Alzheimer's and doesn't really understand who I am anymore.

SavoyCabbage · 16/02/2016 19:11

Can you unsubscribe to mailing lists?

Vanderwaals · 16/02/2016 19:11

Sorry offend is the wrong word.
You know what is offensive though? When Facebook shows you photos of your ex from years ago on timehop

Aposey · 16/02/2016 19:19

I know what you mean OP- I don't want to unsubscribe completely to lists since Im usually only subscribed to things I want to know about. But I wish there was a way of unsubscribing from certain bits of their advertising, like mothers day. Its wasting their money too to keep me on the list for mothers day since I won't be buying anything for it! I just try not to look in my promotions folder in my emails this month (thanks google for automatically sorting everything!).

I know its unrealistic, but it would have helped the year my mother died just about a month before mothers day. It felt so cruel to see it all, but I know it isnt personal. I do wonder though if at some point it might be realistic since targeted marketing is quite scarily accurate sometimes and companies dont want to waste money unnecessarily or upset potential customers.

Savagebeauty · 16/02/2016 19:24

You will have to unsubscribe if it upsets you so much. I have always ignored Mothers/Father's day anyway.

iPost · 16/02/2016 19:35

I don't think the would can run on the basis of not accidentally upsetting expel.

At the moment the list of things that would need to be labelled "triggering" for my sake is so damn long it could loaned out as a train for the next royal wedding.

And I think much of it is just going to stay with me for a lifetime.

Pain hurts. You and me, and all the millions of other people with their equally upsetting, but wildly diverse, pressure points... I guess we'll just to stuff our headphones in harder,mjack up the sound on Spotify and ignore the world around us as much as we can during sensitive times.

Cos if we try and take away all the stuff that might upset people to make them all happy, we'll end up making a bleak and very beige cardboard landscape... and then nobody will be happy.

But it sucks. It sucks so much. I would like to be able to get through one day without something formerly mundane making me cry.

So ...

I think I am going to have to hibernate for a week around Father's Day for the rest of my existence. And there are bloody two of them to avoid, one in the UK (I am mainly on Uk sites) and the one here.

HeadJudgeLen · 16/02/2016 19:36

You need something like unroll.me to get rid of the spam in your email inbox. Of course they are not being insensitive. They are companies selling products. If you don't want to see stuff then don't sign up. I speak as someone who also lost their mum. As for the mention of Timehop above, this is entirely optional. How on earth can it be offensive for some software to share you own memories with you? You need to delete them in that case. It's not FB's fault your ex is a twat.

Jesabel · 16/02/2016 19:40

I would unsubscribe from their mailing lists if you know it is likely to upset you.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/02/2016 19:40

Yabu. Its the natural order that our parents die before us. I can't bear thinking of the alternative as far as my dc are concerned.

Businesses are trying to make money. Many, many people want to do something for their still living mums on Mother's Day.

bornwithaplasticspoon · 16/02/2016 19:41

Sending you love op. It's hard and it hurts. I miss my mum so much and it's been a long time. I was a teenager when I lost her. But I have my lovely children and that is my mothers day now, it's about them.

emwithme · 16/02/2016 19:50

It is hard, but it gets easier. My mum died 23 years ago - on bloody Mother's Day itself her timing was impeccable . The first few years I totally went to pieces, but then I was able to deal with the day. I did make the joke that the first 20 years are the hardest!

My father is still alive but is a toxic tosspot. I just delete the emails and move on.

Heathcliff27 · 16/02/2016 19:52

I can totally understand why it's upsetting you as i've lost both my parents myself. However, i'm a parent as well and just because I can't spoil my parents doesnt mean i'm not allowed to be spoiled. I'd forward the emails onto my kids.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2016 19:56

I know what you mean-I absolutely hate mothers' day because of not bring able to have kids. Just try and delete then without thinking about it too much and do something nice for yourself instead.

MidniteScribbler · 17/02/2016 00:02

I can live with the constant advertising and guilt tripping over buying your parents a gift, but I don't need sales assistants adding to it by nagging me.

Salesperson at the grocery store last year brightly asked me 'so what are you getting your mum for mother's day?' Me, obviously not wanting to make small talk: "Nothing." Her: "Oh no, that's so unfair. She raised you and loves you, you need to get her a special gift." Me: "Yeah, she's dead."

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 17/02/2016 00:13

OP, it's sad, I know, but YABU. I lost my father as a teenager and I've had some terribly painful times missing him, and still do.

However, when I see all the Father's Day emails, and banners, and advertising, I actually think it's great that loads of people will be loving and celebrating their dads. It's a nice thing, and I really, really wouldn't want it to stop. I'd love to be sharing in it, but I think of my dad, and how much I still love him. It's still Father's Day for me, even though he died all those years ago.

LucyBabs · 17/02/2016 00:33

Right so those of us who have lost our parents need to suck it up and accept its the "natural order"

op you can unsubscribe from those emails. Mothers day and fathers day will always be a sore point for us but then I miss my parents every day.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 17/02/2016 00:40

The OP is being unreasonable. Companies can't edit mass e-mail shots and they are a very cheap marketing tool.

Valentine's day and Mothers' day are huge marketing opportunities. Personally I have no interest in giving or receiving Valentine's or Mothers' day themed material so they are deleted unread.

And sorry, but losing your parents is part of the natural order.

MidniteScribbler · 17/02/2016 04:14

And sorry, but losing your parents is part of the natural order.

Oh, well, thanks. Since you've pointed that out to me I'll just get over it then.

Sadmother · 17/02/2016 04:44

Yeah, same as Valentines day, (I don't have a boyfriend) Easter (I am not Christian) Diwali (I am not Hindu) and those ads from toysrus and Petco are just so insensitive to those of us who haven't got children or dogs. Oh wait, it's advertising, I can totally zone this out. Yes, YAB massively U.

maybebabybee · 17/02/2016 05:01

Do people really think saying losing one's parents is the "natural order" is supposed to be in any way helpful?!

Some unkind responses on here. I agree there's not much to be done but I can totally understand why OP feels like she does.

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